I’m sitting in a waiting room at the hospital as FOML3 undergoes spinal surgery. Turns out that he has congenital spinal stenosis – basically the spinal canal is too tight for the spinal cord, and it started compressing the nerve. I know all about it. Why?
He got it from me. (I wrote about it here.)
Yes, about 20 years ago I had the exact same surgery for the exact same problem. He inherited my genetic malformation, and that makes me sad. Last year he began having problems with nerve pain in his back and legs and I immediately feared that I had passed this trait onto him. Treatments and x-rays, MRI’s and physical therapy came and went. Now he is going under the knife to get a laminectomy – basically cutting part of a vertebrae off so the nerve can expand. It is miserable.
I feel terrible. I had hoped that it wasn’t inherited condition. I know it is not my fault per se. I didn’t wish this on him or cause it to happen, but it happened anyway. I also worry if I passed it on to all my other kids.
Of course a hospital waiting room is a good place to sit and think, and stew. Not just about him, but all my kids.
I wonder what other bad things they have inherited from me without me knowing it?
I wonder what other bad things they have inherited from me that I do know about?
I wonder what good things they have inherited from me without me knowing it?
I wonder what good things they have inherited from me that I do know about?
And it doesn’t have to be genetic or physical attributes: Surely I had nothing to do with this one’s appreciation of rap music. But I will take credit for his appreciation of Dave Matthews.
I hope they have inherited my perspective on how they should treat their spouse. I hope they have inherited my commitment to church service. (Although I contend that folding up chairs is an LDS genetic anomaly.)
I hope they haven’t inherited my impatience, or other flaws that you can’t see with an x-ray. But I do hope they have inherited my faith, and my rapier wit. And my humility. (I’m proud of my humility.)
It is a fascinating thing to watch kids become adults and to deal with them as adults. Sometimes you see flashes of yourself, or of your spouse. Anytime I see glimmers of my EC in their personalities or behaviors, I consider that a “win.”
Enough ramblings of a nervous parent… (Who sat in the waiting room for two hours before they even took him back.)
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Sad isn’t it. I always say, if the world were perfect we would be able to pick out our own genes. I certainly wouldn’t have picked my father’s legs. Nor his genetic line of depression. I’d have been smart and very beautiful. Oh well. What can you say. 🙂
I’ve thought a lot about this subject – our children “inheriting” things from us; traits, health, personalities, tendencies…etc., etc. I have depression. My son is bipolar. I just recently found that my great grandfather was in an insane asylum multiple times during his life. (I can’t imagine what that was like in the late 1800’s.) I began to ponder the scripture, “sins of the fathers.” (And not just sins, but with genetics.) One of my thought processes led me to wonder – it’s obviously not just random, is it? So did Heavenly Father put together families (and allow His process of genetics to work) that needed the same growth in the same areas so we could help each other and understand each other and love each other anyway? What does dealing with a mental illness need to teach me or refine in me or give me empathy for, or….whatever it is that I still need to “become?” No concrete answers, but maybe looking at things and considering it in a different and new way for me.
I have epilepsy. I almost certainly will pass it on to several of my kids. Still makes me feel guilty. 😉
Here we have a sad situation of a young man undergoing a serious operation and a father feeling guilty. But I, a reader, comes away feeling grateful for having read it. I think of all the challenges that I’ve faced in life and very positive things that I learned from them. Aren’t you ‘glad’ MMM for the things that you know that you’ll be able to pass on to FoML3 to aid him in his recovery? My prayers are with all your family.
Best wishes to your son! What a great post and food for thought. Thank you so much for this.
When I hit menopause is when i discovered I had scoliosis. That’s when my spine decided to be more aggressive about twisting in areas it shouldn’t be twisting. Up until this time I had no idea I had a problem, it had been slowly and quietly twisting. I’ve been absolutely miserable and in alot of pain. Then when my son who is in his very early 30’s started complaining about his neck after a good night’s sleep, I started worrying that I may have passed this on to him. He won’t go get it checked. I guess because he doesn’t want to know his wonderful life could suddenly change. He doesn’t want to know about the pain he would have to endure. So I pray to God all the time to watch o
ver my son and allow him to reach his goals and dreams. So I know exactly how you feel.