Dealing With a Box of Doubts and Hot Wheels

I spent a lot of time on the floor this weekend playing Hot Wheels with my grandkids. It brought back some memories…

When I was a kid, I was a snooper. At Christmastime, I would check the closets, under the beds, and even in the garage for gifts. At eight years old, I would put my detective skills to work. My adversary? My mom. She was a pro at hiding things. One Christmas, I learned that snooping could backfire, and I have since come to regard it as really tacky because it spoils the fun on Christmas morning for both giver and receiver.

That particular year, I was hoping for a new Hot Wheels set with….drumroll please…a Supercharger!

In the days leading up to Christmas, I searched and snooped all over the house, but couldn’t find any gifts. Nothing. Mom really outdid herself. One day, when she and my dad were gone, I had the most brilliant idea. I found her keys and went out to the garage. I opened the trunk of her car and found it full of bags and boxes. Jackpot! I carefully opened a few before I opened the correct cardboard box. I found it: My Hot Wheels set. I was thrilled. I did my best to put everything back into place, but I hadn’t been paying close attention.

On Christmas morning, when we opened presents, the Hot Wheels set with the Supercharger was nowhere to be found. I thought that maybe my parents would bring it out in the end, but it didn’t happen. I have a distinct memory from that disappointing morning: At some point, I made eye contact with my Mom. She looked directly at me, and I looked at her. I knew that she knew, and she knew that I knew. No words were exchanged, and none were needed. We never spoke about it. Ever.

That was the last time I ever snooped for presents.

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One of the things we can count on in mortality is that we receive things we don’t expect. This can happen even as we try and live our lives as the Lord has asked us. For example:

• We follow the Word of Wisdom, but still have health issues.
• We pay our tithes and offerings, but still have financial struggles.
• We pray for peace, but find turmoil.

Another challenge is when we open a box and find it empty. For example:

• We look to understand gospel topics, but find no answers.
• We seek answers to prayers, but they don’t come.
• We look for explanations, but they haven’t been revealed.
• We ask “Why?” but come up empty.

When we open a box and don’t find what we are expecting inside, or anything at all, it can create even more questions and fewer answers. Too many saints are afraid of questions. Questions are not inherently bad, but necessary. Anyone who is striving to live and grow in the gospel of Jesus Christ who never encounters difficult questions along the way is merely skating over the surface of this simple yet complex, easy yet difficult religion. As we recently studied, Joesph Smith wrestled with questions from both unexpected and empty boxes as he suffered in Liberty Jail.

Even President Oaks has said that he has a “multitude of unanswered questions.” (link) This makes me feel a little better, because I have unanswered questions, too, and I’m learning to be okay with it. Remember, many ancient and modern revelations have come from sincere questions.

The challenge lies in where those questions can lead us. Questions can increase our faith and draw us closer to Christ, but questions can also pull us away from Christ, leading us to doubt. If doubt rushes in to fill those empty boxes, what we choose to do with it can change the course of our lives.

Here are some thoughts on how we can process our questions so that they increase our faith, rather than mire us in doubt. Some of them are based on the words of the prophets, some are based on personal experience as I have dealt with questions and doubts.

• First, and it seems simplistic, we need to decide what we really want. Do we desire faith, or do we desire doubt? If doubt has already arrived, as it does, do we want to work through it? The blessing of resolved doubt is an increase of faith. Sadly, some encounter doubt and grasp onto it to rationalize behavior or to find a way out of covenants they have made. Both directions are attainable.

Alma taught us that the very first step in acquiring faith is to desire it. “But behold, “If ye will… exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you…” (Alma 32:27)

President Nelson taught, “Study with the desire to believe rather than with the hope that you can find a flaw in the fabric of a prophet’s life or a discrepancy in the scriptures.” (link)

• Don’t fixate on your doubts. If you go on a week-long Caribbean cruise, and one afternoon it rains, would you return thinking it was a bad trip? Sometimes we can grasp onto one doctrinal question, or one unexplained issue in church history, or even a personal “why?” Then we fixate on that one problem to the point that it clouds our minds to the sheer volume of wonderful things we do understand and the many answers and blessings we already enjoy. Yes, I acknowledge that it can be tough to do. It’s like if you have a painful injury and someone tells you to quit thinking about it. Like that’s going to help.

This is more about trying to keep some perspective, not just ignoring. President Holland said, “this is a divine work in process, with the manifestations and blessings of it abounding in every direction, so please don’t hyperventilate if, from time to time, issues arise that need to be examined, understood, and resolved. They do and they will. In this Church, what we know will always trump what we do not know.” (link)

• Don’t complain. A few years ago, President Holland said, “Yes, life has its problems, and yes, there are negative things to face, but please accept one of Elder Holland’s maxims for living —no misfortune is so bad that whining about it won’t make it worse.” (link)

• Be wise in whom you share your doubts with, and share them upward, not sideways. This goes back to what our deisres are. If we desire to find justification and support for our doubts, then we share them with like-minded people. President Nelson taught, “Stop increasing your doubts by rehearsing them with other doubters.” (link)

If we seek to resolve our doubts and build faith, it is better to share them with people who can help us find answers that grow our faith. That is why it is so vital to stay in the Church when struggling with doubts. Elder Neal Anderson taught, “When faced with a trial of faith—whatever you do, you don’t step away from the Church! Distancing yourself from the kingdom of God during a trial of faith is like leaving the safety of a secure storm cellar just as the tornado comes into view.” (link)

An analogy: If I want to learn to play the piano, I am not going to learn by complaining about my lack of piano skills with my friends who don’t play the piano. That woudn’t get me very far. Instead, I would spend time studying with a piano teacher who knows how to do it and how to teach it. It’s the same when we are struggling with doubt: we need to surround ourselves with those who are seeking faith, not reinforcing doubt. President Nelson taught, “Take your questions to the Lord and to other faithful sources.” (link) Share upwards.They may have answers to what you struggle with, and may have emerged victorious from their own challenges, doubts, and even heartbreaks. If you need a place to start, reach out to your bishop, leaders, or friends who are strong in the faith.

• The next point requires some background knowledge of Bugs Bunny and Looney Tunes. A familiar cartoon trope has Bugs Bunny holding a giant anvil with ease. He hands to Yosemite Sam, who is immediately crushed by the weight of the anvil.

That is why we need to be careful who we share our doubts with – not everyone can handle it. What might be merely a curious conversation to you or me might be a spiritual wrecking ball to someone else. Be kind.

• Elder Uchtdorf taught that we can “choose to believe.” Elder Sean Douglas of the Seventy made this challenging observation that doubt is also about agency. He said, “Just as belief is a choice, so is doubt. When we choose to doubt, we choose to be acted upon, yielding power to the adversary, thereby leaving us weak and vulnerable.” Again, perspective helps.

• It is fine to acknowledge doubt, but not to celebrate it. President Holland taught: “Let me be clear on this point: I am not asking you to pretend to faith you do not have. I am asking you to be true to the faith you do have. Sometimes we act as if an honest declaration of doubt is a higher manifestation of moral courage than is an honest declaration of faith. It is not!” (link) I see people sharing their doubts across social media and being celebrated for their bravery. It’s kind of “cringe.” It works if they are looking to feed their doubt, but does little to resolve it.

• We are all familiar with Elder Uchtdorf’s teaching to “doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.” (link) but we never seem to hear the next part:

“We must never allow doubt to hold us prisoner and keep us from the divine love, peace, and gifts that come through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.” (link) Doubt can hold us prisoner and stop us in our spiritual progression, and distance us from the Savior.

The solution is pretty basic stuff, when you get down to it. I will conclude with Elder Anderson’s wise counsel, “How do you remain ‘steadfast and immovable’ during a trial of faith? You immerse yourself in the very things that helped build your core of faith: you exercise faith in Christ, you pray, you ponder the scriptures, you repent, you keep the commandments, and you serve others.” (link)

When we inevitably open boxes and find nothing, or something we don’t expect, questions are necessary and important. They can lead us to faith, or they can lead us to doubt. They can lead us toward the Savior, or away from his outstretched arms. I bear you my witness, gained from my personal experience, that working through our questions and our doubts– in the right way– can take us to a place of greater hope, greater understanding, and greater faith in our Savior Jesus Christ.

It’s worth it.