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The Most Expensive Meal I’ve Ever Cooked – or Eaten

As my EC is currently mired in wedding prep, I decided to fulfill my role of Stupendous Husband and cook dinner for the family tonight. So, I chose to make one of my specialty inventions.  We call it “Swai-Thai.”  And it is fabulous. (Sorry if I don’t sound too humble – I’m just trying to be accurate.)

First, the recipe, then why it was so expensive. (Remember, I am a guy, and guys don’t believe in measuring)

1) Get a soup-spoonful of panang curry paste and a soup-spoon of vegetable oil – more if you want it hotter.
2) Cook them together in a big skillet until it gets hot and fragrant.
3) Pour in two cans of coconut milk and a can of water.
4) Stir until bubbly.
5) Add the zest from half a lime, a spoonful of sugar, and a pinch of salt.
6) Put some swai, basa or tilapia fillets in the liquid to poach. (Really inexpensive fish)
7) When they look done, take them out, and put them in the oven to stay warm.
8) Put a sliced up red pepper in the sauce to cook.
9) Add a package of Japanese udon noodles to the sauce, and cook them until they are done. (Stir occasionally, as it will thicken up a lot.)
10) At the last minute, stir two big handfuls of fresh spinach into the mixture.
11) Serve the noodle mixture with  with the fish.

Eleven easy steps. Delicious and exotic. And if it weren’t for the coconut milk, it could be healthy.

I imagine you have been doing the math in your head, and trying to figre out how this meal could possibly be the most expensive meal I have ever cooked.

Was it the fish?  No, you can get it for $3-$4 a pound.
The coconut milk?  About a buck or two a can.
The panang curry paste?  Nope. Really cheap, if you can find it. Oriental grocery stores are the BEST!

In a perfect world, this whole meal should only cost around $12.  In my imperfect world, it cost around $1000.00

A thousand dollars for thai food?!!!  Yes. I am first to admit that it was good, but not that good. Why did it cost so much?

The salt.

Well, not actually the salt, more like the salt shaker – rather the sea salt grinder, pictured here:

The grinder cost around $5, so I still have $995 of explaining to do.  Here’s what happened:  As I was adding the “pinch” of salt to the sauce, I dropped the salt shaker. Here is the itty-bitty result:
An itty-bitty chip, in our glass cooktop. No big deal right?  But add heat, and within seconds I had this:
The crack in the corner is no big deal, but the crack running up through the element is. Our cooktop is ruined. And the salt shaker didn’t even break.
Being the technological wizard that I am, I quickly did a search to find out how much it would cost to replace the glass.  Did I mention that the cooktop is 10 years old?  It is practically “vintage.”  I did find one for $500. $200 shipping. $165 delivery. No, not quite a thousand to put new glass on a 10-year-old stove. (Something about putting new glass on old stoves sound almost scriptural.)
So? How about a new one? I don’t even have the stomach to look…
That is how my kindness was rewarded tonight. In trying to please my EC and take care of my family, I am rewarded with a $1000 plate of fish. Serves me right. We could have microwaved corn-dogs.
What would I rather do with $1000?  In order to vent, I’m writing a few of them down.
• Pay for my son’s wedding luncheon.
• Round-trip tickets to Hawaii.
• 2.5 months of my son’s mission.
• 900+ sodas.
• A new laptop.
• An MMM luncheon for all my favorite readers.
• Buy out an entire showing of “Breaking Dawn: Part 2” this fall, and not let anyone in.
Needless to say, I am in a cranky mood, and it is no consolation that I am much harder on myself when I do these things than if my EC or one of the FOMLs had done it.
Maybe we just won’t use the stove for a while.  I could buy almost 200 $5-Boxes at Taco Bell, and my kids would have something to write about when they go back to school.
Grrr.

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Comments

  1. I was looking at the delicious looking Swai Thai and HOLD THE SALT SHAKER BATMAN! You served it on a PAPER PLATE?? Your Sagat rating just dropped! Tim and Nina would be so disappointed. {Insert cartoon sounding Wah-Wah-Wah here}

    1. Finally! I can’t believe it took this long for someone to call me out on the paper plate! It is true – I served this amazing food on a paper plate – and I cropped the photo so you could just barely see it. Why the paper plate?

      1) I’m a guy. It’s about the food.
      2) The reason I was cooking that night was to help minimize the work load on wife and family – I just went a little too far.

      Or, I could have just said: Paper plate? No, that is our actual china pattern.

  2. Today I was babysitting and I noticed their glass stove top has an identical chip in it. As in, it looks exactly the same as yours. But I think you’ve clarified that you have 5 children, not one 18mo, and another on the way. 😉

  3. I am getting ready for a kitchen remodel and the glass cook top (my first time owning one) arrived yesterday. I just told dear hubby your story and he said I am to buy cardboard salt and pepper shaker. Honestly thanks for the warning- I had no idea!

  4. You may want to try the “Re-Store” where people donate their still good stuff to Habitat for Humanity. If you live near Utah (since we don’t know where you live, yet)-it may be cheaper to check out the used appliance store in Orem. My daughter and son-in-law got a “new” used stove top there for $75.00. Or if you want to buy a gas stove top…top of the line, I have one I will sell you for less that $1000. We bought it to go into a house we were buying, but ended up not getting the house after all. Happy hunting

  5. The most expensive meal we had was the batch of free vegetables I picked up at my husband’s aunt’s house. All was well until I backed into their mail box leaving the driveway and dented the fender. I forget the body shop bill, but it wasn’t cheap.

  6. I’ve broken many things around the house, but none of them were that expensive or required replacement. However, years back, I took my EC and newborn to Great Salt Lake State Park. At the time, the lake was low, requiring a long walk to the beach. Rather than making my EC walk, I decided to drive my borrowed SUV down to the water. I got it stuck up to the axles in the sand and needed to get it towed out. I also got a ticket for going off the designated roads. All told, it was about $600. I guess there’s an analogy there somewhere, but it still hurts thinking about it. I think I know how you feel.

  7. I dropped our pepper grinder onto the glass cooktop three days after the warranty expired. I feel your pain. I have continued to use it, though carefully, and I don’t stick heavy pots of water on top of the cracked burner, or do high-high heat at all.

    And my next stove is going to have coils. I’m spending $300 or so on it. And I will be happy. At least I can go back to using my cast-iron.

  8. I have been adamant about having old school coil element stove top. There is only one in the appliance store in town. I thought maybe I could be convinced to switch to ceramic cook top…NO MORE. Thanks for the heads up. Gimme the old stuff!

  9. Once my son accidentally shattered the glass in the oven door while attempting to get the waffle iron out to complete a Cub Scout requirement. We have since called it the most expensive Cub Scout project ever. You are in good company.

  10. We had a few thousand in necessary home replacements not long ago. The one that made us cringe the most (for $500, not quite up to $1000) was that my husband had to replace his windshield to pass his safety check for registering his car. After a week (and before getting said safety check done), another rock hit the windshield and instantly spread into a large crack. Okay, so it wasn’t his fault, but on top of everything else, it made for a grumpy Christmas season. It took a lot of willpower and prayer to just let it go and not keep kicking ourselves over all of it.

    1. Especially not that delicious-sounding dish of fish!!

      I’m sorry about the expensive accident. I highly recommend a gas stove. I love mine!

  11. That happened to us about six months ago except that my 14-year-old smacked our cooktop with a metal ruler just for fun! We bought a whole new top at Lowes for about $500. My sweetie did the installation himself. It wasn’t too bad. Look around before you decide to just replace the glass…
    Sandy

  12. Get a stove without the glass top. (Less expensive) You’re not supposed to do canning on glass top stoves. You do can don’t you?

  13. My husband broke our glass top stove when he dropped a bag of ice on it by accident. We just kept using it, just not the burner that it affected for a few years. Then when my moved someone put something on top of it and crunched the whole thing. I would would not chose something like that again, cheap may be ugly, but far easier to replace. Look on the bright side, its summer time. No one wants to cook in the summer anyway, right? Ham and cheese sandwiches until September!

  14. it is often the sane or cheaper to replace the whole thing. My sister has a similar cooktop with the same problem and still uses it, they glued it with something globby.

  15. You know what’s fun? I am on a train from Seattle to Vancouver for a few days of fun while I am “working” in the Pacific Northwest this week. The train has wi-fi, so I got to read your post today while traveling past Everett, Washington!

    The crack about buying out the theater made me laugh out loud. Judging from the looks people gave me, laughing on trains isn’t allowed. Glad I know now.

    I’m sorry about your expensive meal. Perhaps it is punishment for trying to feed your kids fish?

  16. I know I shouldn’t laugh, it isn’t nice but we have all been there! I have found that writing it down in your journal will make for a great laugh…in a couple years.
    Maybe you could have all your readers donate a few dollars and you can still rent out the theater for BD2. There are some of us that would definitely pay so that no one has to see it!

  17. Sure sounds like something I would do. Crazy how expensive those things are, but what a blessing that you’ll be able to work it out so you don’t have to do without one.

    The food does look really good though. 🙂

  18. Man, what a bummer. I’m sorry. 🙁

    Who knew salt shakers could be so tough? You could take the American route and sue the company that made the salt shaker. 😉

  19. I totally had a dream you invited all your favorite readers over to your house and my husband heckled you the whole time.

  20. Dang, I hate it when things like this happen!

    The recipe sounds good. And BTW, coconut milk is healthy!

  21. Aw that is too bad. But go feel better now and I will get mad for you. I will break a glass or two (in my stash of glasses to break) in your name!

  22. If you have a home warranty you could get the cooktop replaced for the price of the service call (around $60-$75). But since you’re so frustrated I am going out on a limb and guessing you don’t have one. There are several on eBay, and you can find sites about installing it yourself on sites like crackedglasscooktop.com or doityourself.com. Sorry to hear about your cooking woes.
    The good looks great. I may try this with chicken since my daughter is very allergic to fish.

    1. Thanks for the tip! I’ll lok at E-bay. I checked out the crackedglass site, and they do have my cooktop for only $732 – and it’s out of stock. Time to shop for a new one!

      If you use chicken, slice it really thin before you cook it.

  23. I say, give yourself a break(no pun intended). Accidents happen….etc
    I figure, you are probably so righteous that the Lord has to test you in other ways. Some people grow through repenting from sin, some people grow from breaking cook tops. I wished I was as far along as you 🙂
    You could probably come up with an entire spiritual concept based on this one experience and blog about it…in a few days.

  24. I want this! Can I do it with chicken if I’m allergic to fish?
    Sorry about the cooktop – but sacrifices sometimes have to be made for delicious foodl

  25. That last option sounds great- buying out the whole showing of Breaking Dawn! Ha! Sorry about the cooktop though. I’ve got one of those and I’m afraid of that very thing happening. The recipe looks interesting. Where on earth do you get that curry paste stuff? And how hot is it?

    1. It can be wicked hot if you put too much in. You can get it at most any oriental grocery store – if you don’t have one near, you can get it at Amazon. Search for “Panang Curry Paste” I think that the little cans are better than the big tubs.

  26. I’m so sorry. This really stinks.

    But this had me laughing. “• Buy out an entire showing of “Breaking Dawn: Part 2″ this fall, and not let anyone in.”

    Please, will you? Heaven works in mysterious ways? You could be an instrument for good? Opposition in all things?

    Seriously, though, again, I’m sorry. It’s hard when unexpected hard (and expensive!) things happen.

    The food looks amazing, though.

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