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Anger: Mission Impossible?

I know – you are already humming the theme song in your head.

A couple weeks back, I wrote two posts to introduce the exploration of one of my challenges: Dealing with anger.  The first “Temper, Temper,” dealt with the idea of looking at anger as unacceptable, and as a sin. The second post “Clearing Things Up,” which was about how we interpret Christ’s demeanor as he cleansed the temple.

As usual, there were lots of great comments, on the blog, on Facebook, and privately through chats and emails. There was an occasional idea that circulated around that I was not prepared for – and I don’t think I can continue the discussion on anger unless I explain how my brain works on this issue.

Here is a summary of those key points that were communicated to me:

• Feelings are not good or bad – they are not moral issues. It is OK to be angry.
• Anger is an emotion, and emotions aren’t sins.
and
• Feeling angry is not a sin, but acting on that anger is a sin.

This was new thinking to me, and was in conflict with what I have always thought, so I figured I had better think through this stuff a little better – which is one of the reasons this post is so late in coming.  I tried talking it through with my EC while we were driving on vacation, and it was helpful, but much harder than it should have been. I decided that I needed to figure out a different way to approach it.  Thank heavens for the 4th of July. The fireworks helped me out.

To talk about these things, I need to break “Anger” down into three phases:

The Spark    •     The Fuse     •     The Explosion
The Spark is when that feeling of anger first hits us. It can be fast and intense. Sometimes it can burn really bright. It is hard to tell if the spark is a reflex, or a thought, or an emotion, or any combination of the three.
The Fuse is when the thought is put to work. It is embraced. A fuse can burn for 10 seconds, or twenty years. It can burn hot, or just smolder under the surface.
The Explosion comes when we let the anger out. With words, or actions, or whatever weaponry we prefer.  Sometimes we jump right from spark to explosion – thus the term “short fuse.” Sometimes the explosion comes much later – and sometimes never. The explosion can do tremendous damage.
When I look at these phases, I’m pretty sure that I don’t “explode” too dramatically – I don’t yell or cuss or throw things. Where I struggle is probably more in the Fuse and Spark areas.  I can seethe with the best of them,(The Fuse) and it happens far too often (The Spark)
All of this is a looong setup to discuss if anger is a sin.  So how does sin fit in?
Wait! What is sin? Do we need to define it?  LDS.org anyone?
Sin: To commit sin is to willfully disobey God’s commandments or to fail to act righteously despite a knowledge of the truth.  Sin results in the withdrawal of the Holy Ghost.
With that definition as a filter, let’s work backwards.  I think most of us would agree that The Explosion is a sin. It has been made quite clear through the prophets and the scriptures that it is not OK to act on feelings of anger.  I think Christ makes the point quite nicely in 3 Nephi 11: 29-30 that anger is one of Satan’s tools to mess things up. (Brethren: It is also appropriate at this point to start quoting D&C 121 to ourselves.)
Neal A. Maxwell said, “Whereas the natural man vents his anger, the men and women of Christ are “not easily provoked’.” Apparently Elder Maxwell did not buy into the fallacy that you need to express your negative emotions in order to deal with them.
Brigham Young made similar point, with a bit more “flair”: Some think and say that it makes them feel better when they are mad, as they call it, to give vent to their madness in abusive and unbecoming language. This, however, is a mistake. Instead of its making you feel better, it is making bad worse.
Back to the filters:  Do we know God has commanded us to not act out in anger?  Check.  Does acting out in anger chase the Spirit away?  Check.  I’m going to stick my neck out and call this one a “sin.”
What about The Fuse?  Is it OK to be mad, even if we keep it to ourselves? How about if we NEVER act on it?  Alma kind of stuck a pin in this one in Alma 12:14:
“For our words will condemn us, yea all our works will condemn us; we shall not be found spotless; and out thoughts will also condemn us.”
This idea was present as far back as the Ten Commandments:  Thou shalt honor, thou shalt not covet – both are “thought” sins.
James E. Faust: “Every human being, especially priesthood holders, has the challenge of controlling his or her thoughts, appetites, speech, temper and desires. One of these may be a bad temper. “The Power of Self-Mastery
And I’ve got about one hundred more quotes that all say the same thing.  We are responsible for controlling our temper, and it is not OK to be angry.  I cannot find any quotes from the brethren that support the idea that it is ok to be angry, and that emotions are not to be controlled.
Remember a long time ago, back when this post began, I mentioned some of the comments I had received. I would like to list them again:
• Feelings are not good or bad – they are not moral issues. It is OK to be angry.
Anger is an emotion, and emotions aren’t sins.
and
• Feeling angry is not a sin, but acting on that anger is a sin.
Now, indulge me while I substitute the work “lust” for “anger”:
• Feelings are not good or bad – they are not moral issues. It is OK to be lustful.
Lust is an emotion, and emotions aren’t sins.
and
• Feeling lustful is not a sin, but acting on that lust is a sin.
Comparison can be very illustrative.  I’m not sure why we protect and even embrace a negative emotion like anger, but are vigilant in condemning others, such as hate, lust, covetousness and pride. Maybe we are more comfortable with anger because it is a more “normal” part of our lives. I surely cannot accept the idea that anger is not a moral issue anymore than I can accept that these other emotions are not.
Christ said it this way: “But I say unto you that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her, hath committed adultery already in his heart.” (3 Nephi 12:28)  Apparently there is not a lot of difference between The Fuse and The Explosion in His view.  (He lends this same thinking to anger in verse 22.)
Richard G. Scott said, “The inspiring influence of the Holy Spirit can be overcome or masked by strong emotions, such as anger, hate, passion fear or pride.”
I have watched as unexpressed anger has cankered people I care about. (some would call it “repressed” anger) This would probably be the time to make the point that there is no such thing as unexpressed anger. It is always expressed in some way or another.  Maybe we will delve into that at another time.
So, filter check on The Fuse:  Have we been told that we should not be angry?  Check. Does being angry chase away the Spirit? Check.  I’m going to have to go with “sin” here, too.
How about The Spark?  (THIS is where it gets tricky!)
When an angry thought pops into my head – did I sin?
Is anger a choice?
Is it possible to never get angry?
Does that concept seem out of my reach?
I’m going to go with
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
..and Yikes.
But I can’t talk about The Spark until I’ve told you a story – and for that, you are going to have to wait. Sorry! Please don’t get mad!  😉

Hopefully, this has given you plenty to think about – I know it has me.

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Comments

  1. Okay, so you know I’m very interested in this series, but alas, I was on vacation and missed this post. I have now read it, ignored all 50 comments (which I may soon regret, especially if my thoughts are simply an annoying repeat of what you’ve already discussed or heard), and will share my two cents:

    The more I think about it, the more it seems that anger is simply a secondary reaction to other sins –and mostly pride. Why do people get angry? Where does anger come from? What is causing the anger? For me, I get angry when I’m tired, when I’m impatient, when I’m frustrated, when I’m feeling pain and can’t explain it or get rid of it. I feel anger when I’m rejected, when I’m ignored, when I can’t explain myself. I feel anger when I’m overwhelmed or stressed –I feel anger when I can’t seem to be perfect (and actually need a Savior! How messed up am I? But that’s a blog post I’m actually working on right now).

    So whether or not anger is a sin from the beginning (which, I’m starting to believe is true, thanks to you), I truly believe it stems from other sins. Let’s see your lust example: do you feel lust when you’re stressed? Probably not. But anger is easily right there with stress. Do you feel lust when you have loads of pride because you were rejected? Hmmm. See, that just doesn’t fit. But it does with anger because of that reaction thing –it’s a secondary emotion.

    But secondary or not, it can definitely be sinful. Giving into it certainly is. This is why my daily (hourly?) repentance is usually about anger. Ironically, I never had a really bad anger problem until I had children. (Did I mention anger comes after feeling like you have no control, either? Total pride, that).

    P.S. Can’t wait to hear the story you’re gonna share!

  2. Just a nerdy thought: wouldn’t you want to avoid the spark if you were the incredible hulk? And it only took the spark to turn Anakin Skywalker to the dark side. So even the spark can be dangerous 😉

  3. I’m going to hop on the “spark is a sin” train here.

    3 Nephi 11:30-31
    Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away.

    Hearts shouldn’t be stirred to anger. We shouldn’t feel angry. We should have the pure love of Christ, which is pointed to throughout the scriptures. We should be “seeking to do good continually.” If we actually have charity towards our fellow man, we will not even have that spark. So the problem is, if we are feeling angry we are inadequate in the charity department.

    I know with me, there are lots and lots of times that my kids are adorable and perfect and I have an unconditional love and patience even when they don’t mind and are super hyper and obnoxious. But there are times when I’m tired, or distracted, and am not in the frame of mind to be patient and longsuffering and I get angry. And in the end, it’s ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS my fault. They didn’t do anything different then they usually do (i.e. act like 2-3-4 year olds), but I was definitely lacking. And honestly, even if they have done something horrific, it’s still my fault.

    So yeah, we do get the spark unintentionally. I highly doubt anyone would admit to WANTING to feel that angry spark. But we basically ask for the spark when we aren’t as close to the spirit as we should be.

  4. “This idea was present as far back as the Ten Commandments: Thou shalt honor, thou shalt not covert – both are “thought” sins.” So…covert ops are out then? Thanks, MMM. There go my dreams of being a spy. 😛

    Also, many Christian churches, namely the Catholics, teach against what they call the Seven Deadly Sins: wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony – all of which either are feelings, or begin with feelings. Feeling lazy, anyone?

    Great post – I’ve been reading your posts to my husband (who says he has no time to read blogs; but he’ll happily listen!) And he’s really been enjoying them. So we’ll come upon the anger posts as they come (I started at the first post and am reading to the present), and that way he’ll think about it without me sounding preachy. (I’ve been told that sometimes I sound like “you have a problem and here’s how to fix it” And I never intend it to be taken that way.)

    Anyway, thanks for your blog – I love it. And it’s kinda fun for me to try to figure out if I know you. You know about Kanab, and that’s odd in itself. But being related to all of Fredonia, and half of Kanab, makes it a little more fun to solve the mystery. And really, I don’t care if I ever do. The solving is itself fabulous fun. 😀

  5. Interesting topic, indeed. I don’t know if you or anyone else have referred to Thomas S. Monson’s talk “school thy feelings, O My Brother” in October 2009. For me that talk “lit a light bulb” in my head. Previously I had also tried to make justifications for anger, but this talk was the turning point. These words from him were so powerful: “To be angry is to yield to the influence of Satan. No one can make us angry. It is our choice. If we desire to have a proper spirit with us at all times, we must choose to refrain from becoming angry. I testify that such is possible.”

    Yes, indeed. Anger is a choice! It’s not passive, it’s active from my part. I can choose to let something make me angry and I can choose for it not to make me angry. The prophet of the Lord (then apostle) has testified that it is possible to refrain from being angry. Who am I to say that it’s not?

  6. I read the “feelings aren’t sins” bit at the top of your post and immediately thought, “That’s stupid. What about lust?”

    Then I got to the end, and you substituted LUST!

    We’re brilliant.

  7. Sadly, in the past, it felt natural to let a spark fly, & too often allow a fuse to smolder & sometimes even explode. It is only during the past two years that I have learned to allow the Lord to defuse the situation.
    Let’s say someone acts against us. A perfectly “ordinary, justifiable” response would be for a defensive spark to fire off, and us to allow that spark to ignite the fuse of anger within us. Again, this is a normal, natural reaction.
    The thing is, Christ can change what is “normal”. He has the power to change our reactions — change our very natures, so that instead of having a spark of anger, He can change us physically, chemically, emotionally & spiritually so that even reflexively “we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.”

  8. We had an interesting discussion on this a few weeks back in Priesthood (generated by your first post on the subject). One brother felt that anger could be a positive motivation and that it wasn’t a sin. I did not agree. Most of the brethren kept quiet and thoughtful.

  9. While I do agree with your sentiment, MMM, anger can’t be a sin. The Lord can’t sin, and we have many many references to His anger in the scriptures.

    1. You gotta go back and read. There have been tons of comments, definitions and ideas that delve into the Lord’s anger. Besides, I don’t know what rules apply to God. I know the rules for my kids differ from mine sometimes.

      Besides – His Prophets say its a sin, and that’s good enough for me.

  10. I agree with Bruce’s comments. I don’t think temptation is a sin and I think the spark is the temptation. The fuse is the dwelling, the thoughts. The explosion is the acting on it. And those two are definitely sins. But the Savior was tempted in His mortal life and He felt those temptations, but never dwelt on them or acted upon them. We don’t have to repent of being tempted.

    We might always have the “triggers” in our lives. But the key is to change the behavior pattern as soon as the trigger occurs. So for instance if a family member “pushes your buttons,” then you substitute the action of snapping back for a more positive action of telling them you love them (or any other positive action).

  11. I came across this quote from President Monson and to me, it answers the question…we should not be angry, period. However, I think as with all our “natural man” things we work to overcome, not ever getting angry is a process and is meant to take time to achieve.
    “To be angry is to yield to the influence of Satan. No one can make us angry. It is our choice. If we desire to have a proper spirit with us at all times, we must choose to refrain from becoming angry. I testify that such is possible.”
    From School Thy Feelings, O My Brother
    THOMAS S. MONSON
    President of the Church
    Oct 2009

  12. Here is my proof that there is such a thing as righteous anger:

    After reading your post this morning,I guess I had anger on the mind and this verse popped out at me during my scripture study: Psalm 145:8 “The Lord is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy.” It doesn’t say that he NEVER has anger. In fact…Moses 6:27 says”…Repent, for thus saith the Lord; I am angry with this people, and my fierce anger is kindled against them…” Under the topical guide under “anger” there are lots of places where it references “God’s anger.” We know that God cannot sin. Therefore,there is such a thing as righteous anger.

    How’s that for an argument?

    By-the-way, I love your blog!

    1. I think you’re right about the definition of the word anger. I think the key is that if you can truly feel the spirit, you’re okay. I have a hard time with this too! I have noticed that if I do have the spirit with me I don’t feel anger. If we have grudges, or are preoccupied with things that others have done, it will drive away the spirit, and then we’re in trouble. I think the Lord’s anger is his form of discipline for his children. We aren’t necessarily “angry” when we stick a child in time-out. It ideally is a result of our love for the child and wanting the best for them, just like our father wants for us!

  13. I appreciate all the time you took with this post. As a recipient of anger, I agree with all that you’ve written and researched. It’s true. It’s hard, but it’s true. Those who argue it aren’t aware of the effect their anger, ‘expressed’ or ‘repressed’, has on their loved ones. It’s wrong, and no amount of discussion will change what they refuse to see. You know what they say… rather than change ourselves we will argue that the principles are wrong. (Or something like that.) Thank you.

  14. MMM, great post. I agree with all you’ve said here. I just have a few thoughts to add. Have you ever noticed that people who truly have the spirit with them are almost never offended or angry? As always, the Spirit is the key. Also, I’ve noticed that I’m much better at controlling my anger at work, than I am at home. Why is that? It’s because I try harder at work, because the consequences of not doing so are much more apparent than not doing so at home. If I can try harder in one aspect of my life, then I can do it anywhere. Here’s another perspective: if someone were to offer us 1 million dollars if we didn’t lose your temper for a year, could you do it? Maybe not, but I bet we could all find a lot more self-control instantly.

  15. Elder Oaks, in reference to a discussion on Same-Sex attractions stated, “The distinction between feelings or inclinations on the one hand, and behavior on the other hand, is very clear. It’s no sin to have inclinations that if yielded to would produce behavior that would be a transgression. The sin is in yielding to temptation. Temptation is not unique. Even the Savior was tempted.”
    I think the same applies to feeling anger and yielding to it.

  16. I completely agree with what you wrote. I think it is absolutely possible to control and stop even the spark of anger. At the heart of the spark, fuse, and explosion is a lack of charity. This is the Christlike attribute that I lack the most, hands down. When I am really striving for charity and someone does something that would normally make me angry, it instantly turns to compassion instead of anger. I put my self in their shoes to see why it is they did what they did, not how I feel about it.

    Its an incredibly slow learning process for me, and I struggle with charity constantly, but when I am really focused on it, I don’t ever get angry. In the between times I just rely on repentance.

  17. I agree with Paul’s comment. I’ve heard many times: you can’t stop a bird from landing on your head, but you can keep it from building a nest there. Just because a thought pops into our head (whether that thought is about anger, lust, etc.) does not mean we have sinned. But, allowing that thought to linger and even pondering on that thought is where we have made a choice, and then (potentially) sinned. Sparks happen. Allowing the fuse to ignite and burn (or even smolder) is where we go wrong.

    1. I kind of think sparks only happen to us imperfect people. Perfect people would not be affected by anything, so they would not have that gut reaction of anger or lust. Whether or not it’s a sin, it would be ideal to never even have that initial spark of anger. So we should probably work on becoming the kind of person who doesn’t get angry, even if we can’t quite get all the way there, right? Be the kind of person whose head the bird can’t even get close to!

  18. These are great insights. I’m really glad you’re delving into this topic, because it’s something I struggle with as well. It’s ironic, because my whole life I’ve prided myself on having a “long fuse,” meaning that it seems to take a lot to make me blow up. However, there was always one exception and that was my little brother, who had the uncanny ability to push the “explosion” button right away. But other than him, I was always slow to anger… and then I had kids.

    Now I’m coming to realize that my “long fuse” isn’t any better than not exploding… it’s just been a slow burn of internal resentment, unspoken negative feelings and quiet bitterness. Because I let my fuse burn inwardly, the people around me most often, with whom I’m most familiar, bear the brunt of the explosions whenever they add fuel to that fire by doing things, sometimes just little things, that upset me. It’s so depressing when you realize that you’re treating the people you love most in the world with less civility, kindness and respect than you would treat a stranger at your door!

    I’m not sure sparks can totally be controlled… but I do believe we can either extinguish the fuse or keep it burning by our thoughts. When I think back after an “explosion,” I realize that my thoughts have *always* preceded my actions. Whenever I’ve spanked my kids, I’ve first seen myself doing it in my mind (“If he does that again, I’m going to tan his hide,” I think, as I envision it. And then I watch him carefully, waiting and almost daring him to do it.) Seldom have I instantly reacted by lashing out immediately… and even then there’s that flash of a thought, a vision of what I’m about to do before I do it. So we really DO have a choice whether to let the spark light our fuse. We have to consciously change thoughts, like a basketball player imagining himself making the free throw before he shoots. We need to imagine — even force ourselves to imagine — responding in a Christ-like way instead. And that’s hard when the spark is so hot.

    I wish I could say more from experience, but I think that protracted and patient practice in managing our thoughts and extinguishing the fuse early eventually dampens it to the point where sparks don’t catch hold as easily. I struggle with the idea that we can totally prevent sparks from happening, but maybe reading the scriptures, praying sincerely, and imagining ourselves as kinder people are all forms of wetting down our matches to prevent those sparks in the first place. I think we’ve all met people who seem totally impervious to anger, but I’m not sure many people are born so completely charitable. I think that in most cases they’ve trained themselves to become that way through consistent thought control (sounds almost Orwellian, huh?) and correct choice making.

    I’m struggling a little with the “even sparks are sins” concept. Aren’t sins choices that we make? Are those initial flare-ups, those “sparks” of anger, also choices? Going back to the lust analogy, is it a sin to notice someone else’s beauty, or even sex appeal, if we make the choice not to dwell on it and think of something else instead? We’re biologically wired to be sexually attracted to the (in most cases) opposite sex… and aren’t we here on earth because we’re *supposed* to experience those things, those temptations, but then be evaluated by the choices we make. To me, I feel like those sparks are akin to temptations, and the scriptures tell us that Christ “was *in all points* tempted like as we are, yet without sin.”

    Anyway, it’s a great discussion with some terrific insight and I look forward to reading and thinking more about it.

    1. P.S. I am finding myself quite attracted to “Christy” from an earlier post…

      …good thing she’s my wife.

  19. I thought I had heard a quote by the prophet that it was not a sin to become discouraged but it was a sin to stay discouraged, and I was going to bring that up and relate that to anger, but I couldn’t find it. I guess someone made up a quote and attributed it to a general authority. (Don’t you love it when that happens?) So I guess I have to agree with you.

    The question now is what do about it? How do we avoid getting angry? Especially getting angry at ourselves? Or getting angry at ourselves for getting angry? That brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “caught in the cycle of sin,” doesn’t it?

  20. A lot of people like to justify anger to fit into their lives so they aren’t “sinning”. I’m right there with them sometimes. But I think the key point you made, intentionally or not, was in the lds.org definition. “Sin results in the withdrawal of the Holy Ghost.” From my personal experience, all three stages of anger (spark, fuse, and explosion) seem to draw me away from the Spirit, and I always feel terrible. I think we can nip the spark in the bud to prevent it from becoming a fuse, but I still feel I need to ask forgiveness for the spark. Whether conscious or not, my initial reaction to something was anger. It’s up to me to ask the Lord to help me change my heart so anger isn’t automatic, then work at it.
    Personal opinion: anger is a sin.
    But I can’t forget that we all sin and there is always hope. This life is about progress, right? We’re not perfect now, but we need to be constantly working to improve ourselves.

    And the whole time I was reading this, I was thinking about Mosiah 4:30.

    1. Great reference. Mosiah 4:30: “But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and continue in the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not.”

  21. When our fuse is lit, the proper response is to put it out instead of letting it burn to explosion. That’s what controlling our emotions is all about.

    And having a lustful thought pop into one’s head is different from entertaining that thought. I think the Savior’s injunction is against the second. Elder Packer’s teachings on the subject (getting those thoughts off stage) would seem to suggest that, anyway.

  22. I read a fascinating book called “My Stroke of Insight,” about a brain scientist who suffers and recovers from a stroke. She explores the changes in her brain post-stroke, which includes being able to live in a happier, more accepting frame of mind. She specifically talks about anger, and how for about 30 seconds it is some sort of chemical or neurological response in the brain. (Sorry, I forget the details.) After that, we choose to either keep the feeling alive or let it go. It’s much easier for her now to release the feelings after the initial 30-second “spark” that you’re talking about.

    I think you’re right in calling all anger a sin, in that those of us who profess to know God should know better than to get angry about anything. However, I think the spark is a minor sin compared to the fuse and the explosion. We need to work toward perfection, or the ability to have such an eternal perspective that nothing really makes us feel anger. In the meantime, when it happens, it seems much easier to repent of the 30-second spark period if we can at least snuff it out and not let it progress. Same thing with lust–we need to eliminate that initial reaction if we happen to see something lust-provoking, but it is a minor infraction if we recognize it and reject it, rather than if we keep those images in our mind and nourish the sin.

  23. This is a fantastic series, and I am so glad that you backtracked a little to point out the scriptural and prophetic counsel we have that prove how anger in all its forms in sinful.

  24. 100 percent on target, IMHO.

    The words of a great LDS hymn come to mind, the first words of which I quote below. The whole hymn is a great sermon.

    School they feelings, by Charles Penrose:

    School thy feelings, O my brother; Train thy warm, impulsive soul.
    Do not its emotions smother, But let wisdom’s voice control.
    School thy feelings; there is power In the cool, collected mind.
    Passion shatters reason’s tower, Makes the clearest vision blind.
    School thy feelings, O my brother; Train thy warm, impulsive soul.
    Do not its emotions smother, But let wisdom’s voice control.

  25. You’ve sparked (har de har!) quite a discussion between my husband and myself about this recently – after reading your previous posts I brought it up whilst driving home from a wedding last Saturday. He talked about exactly the points you’ve just discussed as to why anger may not be a sin as such, and I think I more or less responded to the points in the same way you have, I even used the word “lust”, it really does give you a whole new perspective if you use such a comparison.

    Before reading this series I honestly didn’t give anger much thought – I knew that acting out in anger was bad (not sinful – had never taken that leap as I’m prone to the odd outburst, think I was trying to go easy on myself!), but had never thought of the emotion itself as being a problem, just the repercussions. Now, I’m finding that I have a whole new outlook 🙂 it’s much simpler than trying to justify and figure out where the line is in each situation if you don’t even get started in the first place.

    Thanks, MMM!

  26. Great illustration/analogy. The whole fireworks thing. Which leads to the question: Are there legal and illegal fireworks/anger? Any safe and sane anger? Why do I think I know the answer there

    I also like substituting another word or feeling in the sentence to see how it flies. Enlightening.

  27. Regarding the Explosion. It can be pretty non-explosive. Sometimes anger is acted out in cool, quiet, destructive ways while the individual smiles to himself and says, “What? I didn’t do anything.” Love withheld, tasks not done, leaving the gas tank on empty, cutting people out, refusing to communicate. But I didn’t yell, hit or throw. I didn’t do anything.

    I was going to go with the Spark not being a sin, but I am afraid you are right. sigh

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