Yesterday I was in line at my local convenience store, with a large beverage in hand. I was contentedly waiting, and sipping, while the man at the front of the line struggled to figure out how to carry his two hot dogs, drink, chips and candy bar at the same time. Amateurs.
I was yet 3rd in line when a young mom stepped up to the counter. She looked a bit frazzled, had a too-large-to-be-on-her-hip child on her hip that looked equally frazzled. She handed the cashier lady a debit card, which resulted in the following exchange:
“Twenty dollars on pump 2, please.”
“Declined.”
“Oh no! I’m sorry. Could you try $10?”
“Declined. Do you have another card?”
“No. Could you try five?”
“Declined.”
“I’m so sorry.”
The cashier’s face was made of stone – no compassion, or pity – or even the hint of a smile. The young mom put the card back in her purse, hiked the kid up higher, and turned to leave. I could tell she was about to burst into tears.
Now it just so happened that I had a brand new, crisp $5 bill in my shirt pocket. So I pulled it out and handed it to her as she walked past. She turned to me and said,
“Really? Thank you so much!”
I told her, “Been there. Done that.”
I let her cut in line ahead of me. She paid the lady and thanked me again as she walked outside. I was feeling a bit sheepish that I hadn’t “manned up” and offered more than a fiver, but she was gone and it was my turn at the counter.
(Now I’m not telling you this story to make you think I am all that charitable – it was a whopping five bucks. But what happened next is the part I want you to think about.)
I set my drink down along with my remaining two dollars. The lady running the register looked at me and asked,
“Why would you do that?”
“Do what? Give her gas money?”
“Yes. It probably is not good for her. People come here all the time to try and get money from people.”
I was a bit indignant when I responded. “Look. She didn’t ask me for anything. She wasn’t begging for money – I offered it to her because it was obvious that she needed it.”
The cashier didn’t say anything else. She just shook her head, and handed me my change.
Of course, I had to have the last word. “You know, it might not have been a good thing for her – but it was a good thing for me.”
I took my beverage and I left. Irritated. The young mom was still outside and shouted a happy “Thanks again!” to me, as she pumped her entire 1.5 gallons of gas into her car.
—
The lady at the lady at the counter irritated me, but I have spent enough time working in the humanitarian/charity field to know that there is a grain of truth to what she was saying. Satisfying someone’s short term needs rarely helps that person in the long run, and basic Church welfare principles reinforce that idea.
Many (most) charities and government support programs do foster dependence and weaken the very people they are trying to serve – which is why the Lord’s plan reinforces self-reliance, and asks the person to do something to give back. (One day I will climb up on my soapbox and talk about charities and the well-intentioned, but misguided damage they can do.)
If I had felt that the mom had been scamming me, I wouldn’t have given her a nickel. But at some point, I need to be willing to put away my distrust and just give – because that five bucks is worth much more than $5.00 to both of us.
AuntSue
I had an uncle who came out of the Marines as an alchoholic. It was so sad for him and his wife and kids. He ended up as a skid row alchoholic for about 15 years. He finally came home and got his life together, and he died of a heart attack a few years later. But the miracle of this, is that his mother had been promised in her Patriarchal blessing that because she had always paid her tithing, her children would never go hungry. Her son always had someone give him food to eat, and usually a place to sleep as well.
It is hard to know how to succur the needy we encounter. I often hand out nutbars and juice boxes or even bottles of water that I carry in my car. At one corner there was a mature couple down on their luck. Their belongings around their feet. I had no cash, but gave them water, bananas and a Book of Mormon. The woman eagerly took the book, saying Oh this is mine! I look for the thin young teens and try to give them food and water and a dollar or two, and they are always so grateful.
I think about my uncle. It may be the prayers of loved ones that I am answering.
Late to the party again…There was a year when I was a single mom of four, on welfare. Details, unimportant. But we were struggling hard and Christmas was coming. I was in a new city and knew few people. I could barely provide the basics, let alone anything extra and special for the holidays. My landlord gave me $50. I divided it up between my four kids and we went to Rite-Aid because they didn’t want the money to buy something for themselves. They wanted to buy Christmas presents for each other and friends. My middle daughter bought Chapstick for a homeless guy we had seen in our little town. She figured that with the cold weather, he would need it. My son bought a can f soup for the same guy.
Christmas morning, we went out looking for him. The memory of those two – anxiously looking for someone to help, when they had so little, has warmed me for years since. I have no idea what he thought, when two kids ran up to him and handed him their little wrapped gifts. But those two shone was they ran back to me. I learn from my kids.
I’m all over the board with my views on this. I was taught to give without expectation by my parents example. They don’t have the financial means to help people but my dad has often said I can provide them with a roof over their head & food in their belly. They have had so many struggling friends/family live with them that their home is dubbed The Inn. I grew up with sharing many of my Christmas & Easter breaks with a child or two from the local foster home. I remember the home calling Dec 23 to ask if we could host a brother & sister for Christmas. In turn my mom asked us if we could divide up our gifts since she didn’t have the money or time to buy one. That was over 30 yrs ago & I can’t tell you what my gift was that Christmas but I can tell you their names.
I share this because now that I am older I have been financially blessed but struggle greatly to give without judgment. You see my husband’s family (non LDS) is everything that is wrong with our nation’s welfare system. We have been burned too many times to count by them and have had to learn some of the street smarts they employ. This cynicism makes me question everyone who asks for help. And, my husband & I are asked on a weekly basis by someone.
We are told to give freely but then we are told to use wisdom in all things. I truly feel I have a war within my head about this every week. I try to feel the HG promptings and spontaneous ones like homeless food or gas are the easiest. It’s the larger ones where I see lack of discipline on their part I struggle with.
Any suggestions?
Let me tell you something about Joel. When Joel sees someone in need he will give them enough to buy a sandwich or something, but he does more. I can’t tell you how many times I have lost him while shopping, or after I’ve gone to the little girls room or whatever and found him out on the sidewalk shaking a hand and listening to someones story. He always remembers their name, he always manages to find something in common- and lets them know they are doing their best with what they have, and they are loved. To hear him tell it- he’s the one in need. Is it no wonder why I am married to this man??????
Once my husband and I had gone out to lunch in Santa Fe, where we live, and then were going to a movie afterwards. We had waited all month for this date. As we were leaving the restaurant a lady approached us and asked for $16 dollars for a hotel room for the night. I said no, my husband said no and she walked away. Then I was chastised by the Holy Spirit. My husband was too. We both were told that if we did not help her, no one would and that she would be harmed sleeping on the street that night. We just looked at each other, and I gave our movie money to my husband who chased the lady down the street and gave it to her. I just knew it was the right thing to do. I think it has to be on a case by case basis, but I think we should be generous if we can and not worry about the rest. Because I have been given much, I too must give….we’ve also been on the receiving end of generosity, and that is humbling and good too.
My first pilgrimage to your new site….I take awhile to adjust to change. My husband and I served a Church & Family History Mission at Temple Square. I can’t begin to tell you how much I loved it but the reason that I mention it, is that during our training period we were cautioned about the beggers on Temple Square & told that they made a lot of money because of the generosity of the Saints who live or visit there. They more or less told us to save our money and give it where it was more needed.
This story reminded me of something that I watched my dad do that I’ve never forgotten. My sister and I were with him on a business trip to San Francisco. We were walking down a touristy street that had a lot of homeless people on the sidewalk. They were asking for money and my dad said that while he doesn’t usually give money in these situations, he will always buy food. He then took my sister and I to a McDonald’s across the road and bought about 30 cheeseburgers and loaded us up with bags of burgers and we walked with him down the street, passing out food. I’ve never forgotten the experience and have seen him buy food countless times for people on the street (some refused nice meal because they wanted money instead) but generally, there is gratitude. I learned so much that day about my dad and providing food for the homeless in this manner. Sure he could have handed them each a few dollars, but he chose to provide food instead. I really like this principle!
I always keep this in mind in situations like this: It is up to me to be charitable to those around me. It is between them and the Lord whether or not they were being honest and whether or not they use the money given them for the right things.
I have been in situations where I have not had enough money to make my purchase, or pay a bill. And it is a horrible feeling.
I have also been in a position to help someone who is in need.
Not having enough is humiliating, having enough to help another is humbling. We can learn equally from both situations.
Christ never told us to make sure those we were helping were truly needy, or deserved our help. He just commanded us to help. Like most everyone else, what I have to give is limited, so I try to get the most bang for my buck, and usually donate to homeless shelters rather than people on the street, however, I’ve decided I’m going to start keeping granola bars and water bottles in my car so that I can give people something.
No one likes to be scammed, but I think if you have the money, it’s better to be scammed than it is to miss an opportunity to help someone in need. Besides, like you said, we give our help, it doesn’t matter what the person uses it for, we are blessed by the act of giving.
I think as others have already mentioned, King Benjamin’s counsel on this is very clear. Along with that, I think of it this way, “For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged.” I am pretty certain that more than once I have squandered blessings that the Lord has given me and yet I keep coming to Him, begging for more. I try to give freely partly because I need the Lord’s mercy freely.
I’ve always felt strongly about this, but anything I wanted to add has already been better expressed by others (thanks Elizabeth!). I’ll just add a personal experience. We haven’t had a car for most of our married life, so I’ve spent a lot of time on public transportation with my children. In one area we’ve lived, I knew to expect that at least one person would ask for money while I was out, and sometimes I would purposefully not take cash because it made the answer easier and we couldn’t afford to give to everyone that would ask each trip. On one occasion we were walking home with my young daughter in our stroller, and I saw someone ahead cross the street to my side of the road. I knew they were going to talk to me and ask me for money, and I mentally prepared myself to tell them “I’m sorry, I don’t have any cash with me.” A few minutes later, sure enough, they stopped me on the sidewalk. But they surprised me by saying ‘It’s hot out here today. Here’s $2, why don’t you buy you both something cold to drink?’ and walked on. I was very touched, but also ashamed of myself that my gut reaction had been to assume they would be asking me for a handout. I know that there are absolutely circumstances where people are looking for freebies or money for their habits (I’ve had one individual tell me he would use the money to buy a beer), but as a general rule, I’ve decided I’d rather live my life trying to give others the benefit of the doubt. If they ask for bus money or food money, yes I’m more likely to give them a bus pass or a loaf of bread from my bag, but I’ve always remembered that experience and decided to believe that even if they obtain the money on false pretenses, or use it in a different way than asked for, I need the practice being a little kinder to those around me.
I remember teaching a class on the subject of giving/receiving and a similar scenario entered the discussion. One of the students I called on made this comment, I’m paraphrasing- My grandmother always taught me that when I am in front of the Lord he won’t ask me what the recipient did with my offering, he’ll only be concerned with whether I chose to give. It’s something that I won’t forget. I also appreciate your comment that you felt prompted to give her the $5. A willingness to listen and act upon those promptings is the thing that can bring us even greater spiritual sensitivity and joy.
Last year I was in an area with my 2 yr old where handlers are often forceful, rude and invasive. Police patrol the area frequently because of it. In daylight, one man tried to get into my car asking for money, and the situation was very scary. (Thankfully a passerby yelled at him, and he left.)
Earlier this year I was in the same location, with the same young child getting into my car. A young man approached me, yet gave me space, spoke nicely to me asking if I had any $ to spare. My immediate reaction was “No, I’m sorry,” even though the spirit told me right away it was ok, and to give him the $20 bill I had. I got into my car anyway. I sat there “arguing” why I’m justified in not giving anything to the young man because of my experience last year. (Also a good friend was mugged at gunpoint there just months before with her 3 young kids) I drove away, and the spirit told me again, it was ok, to give him the $. So I turned around, and drove back to try to find him. He was no where to be seen. I even went into stores asking if anyone had seen him. I circled around and around for 20 minutes. I never did find him, and I really struggled with the fact that I didn’t listen to the spirit the first time. Doh!
I really appreciate the church’s practices on welfare, (makes perfect sense) and am so grateful I will never be in the position to judge whether or not someone receives assistance.
I’m sure this experience of yours has stirred up quite a bit of emotion on either side.
I like how you responded to the cashier. Well done I’d say. : )
I have been that mom, and I can tell you that with all the battles that you fight as a mother, being $5 short can be the last straw. It is a testimony that Heavenly Father is aware of even our tiniest need. Such a seemingly small thing can make a world of difference. That gas could’ve meant that mom could get to a babysitter to be able to go to work, or take a child to the doctor, or pick up medicine. People are far too judgemental without knowing all the facts. I am thankful for a Heavenly Father who DOES know all the facts, and is willing to send people to answer my unspoken prayers when it just gets too hard.
I agree with Jessica.
You know, I was just contemplating this very thing the other day. I went to the store and on my way out of the parking lot saw a woman with a little girl who was about 7 or 8 years old standing on the corner holding a sign that said something about being homeless and anything would help. The car in front of me stopped and gave her some cash, and I suddenly felt a little guilty. I mean, that seems like the Christian thing to do and I of all people should be doing my Christian duty… but I had also always just made a blanket decision not to help those kind of people who sat on street corners. I had been burned before. My other blanket decision is that if I do give handouts, I never give cash –if they ask for money for food, I give them food. (I don’t think you deserved any kind of chastisement for giving gas). I’ve always figured there has to be other options they could find help, and better ways of doing it than sitting on a street corner, and that a hand-out of cash would be counterintuitive to actually helping the person help themselves. So I drove on by, awkwardly trying to pretend I hadn’t seen them.
A few hours later, I went back to the same store for something I had forgotten and on my way out of the parking lot I saw a man and a little girl –the SAME little girl standing on the corner with a sign that said “family in need, mother in hospital…” I didn’t bother reading the rest, but watched as the car in front of me handed a few bills out the window.
Now do I feel more justified in not giving them money? Perhaps a little, okay yes, and it makes me mad to know that there are people out there who do that kind of thing, but in some ways I kind of envy those two cars in front of me who, blissful in their ignorance, probably felt a lot better about themselves for the rest of the day than I did, and will probably still reap blessings for it.
I’ve always thought that ideally, I would like to be so in tune with the Spirit that I would automatically know who is really in need and who is just taking advantage of other people’s good intentions or would use it to hurt themselves or others more (I would hate to be an enabler for a drunkard who might crash and kill somebody), but is that still judging? And would always being in tune with the Spirit keep me from getting taken advantage of or running into trouble? Maybe a little, but most likely not.
I don’t think it makes any difference to God if we’re taken advantage of when we’re being charitable or not, but it probably makes a difference if we’re never charitable at all (see Mosiah 4, and this is where my blanket decisions get me in trouble. I’m working on it).
One more long story: Last year my dad was asked for money for gas by a guy who’s truck had ran out next to the road and although my Dad doesn’t give straight-up cash either, while he was pumping gas into a container for the guy, the guy tried stealing my dad’s truck, running it into the pump and practically running over my dad in the process (he came away with just a deep thigh bruise). Luckily, an off-duty cop jumped in and helped stop the car, and chase down and cuff the guy. The other truck was stolen, by the way, and the guy turned out to be a runaway from a prison working crew and was so stoned on bath salts that my dad just thought he was a little handicapped or something.
Now, would it have been better if the Spirit had just warned my dad not to help him, or will my father be blessed for his willingness to help someone in need –possibly actually saving this guy from doing more harm if someone else had tried to help (he was armed with a knife by the way)? And was this the best outcome that the Spirit could come up with –the cop just happening to be in the right place at the right time and my dad having full insurance on his nearly-totaled truck, and nobody getting seriously injured? I don’t know. Something to think about though.
We ran into a man and a family at the pump asking for $5. My first thought was distrust. My wife disagreed with me and reminded me that we could afford it. I gave him 10 dollars worth. I thought I might regret it, find out he was scamming, something. It has been six months and this is the first I have thought of it since.
I see now that it is my willingness, not their need, that truly matters.
I agree with Elizabeth, leave judgement to the Lord. This reminds me of my Dad, he used to do stuff like this all the time. I remember being little and asking him in the car, “but what if that guy isn’t really a Veteran and he is just pretending?” or ” what if he is just going to buy drugs with it?” He always would just say then he has a lot of stuff he needs to work out, at least my dollar can buy him something to eat while he thinks about it. You never know what a difference you might have made in that persons day, or life. I had a homeless man ask me for a quarter a few months ago and I gave him all of the change that I had in my pocket, he tried to give me change. I told him to just keep it all. These little opportunities to be charitable aren’t accidents, at least I don’t think so…Thanks for sharing this!
At the corner where we turn to get to our church building there used to be a small family–a mom and at least 4 small children selling used clothing every Sunday. Each week, coming home from church we would pass them in the heat of the day sitting with a sign advertising a sale. It was generally used clothing that they would display across their beat up old car. I would feel so bad for them, but because it was Sunday I would never stop to look at their items or buy anything. After all, it was Sunday–“We don’t buy things on Sunday.” Finally after several weeks of this I couldn’t take it any longer. After church I went to an ATM to withdraw some cash and drove back to their corner. I said, I don’t want to buy anything, but I want you to have this. The amount I gave is nothing to me, and didn’t even make a bleep in our bank account, but I can remember a time when that amount did matter. For those of us with so much, it’s just wrong not to share it.
And whenever we think that giving might make people dependent, we should remember the story of Brigham Young getting up in conference and instructing the people to gather all they could to send with a rescue party to help the ailing handcart companies. Did anyone worry that if they helped the handcart companies might become dependent on the saints already in Salt Lake? There was an immediate need, no time for plans and programs. Just like the lady needing gas.
I think other people witnessing random acts of kindness benefit, too. Maybe the cashier’s heart softened just a smidge after you left. I say kindness always wins. Always.
I totally agree with you saying it was good for you! We don’t always know what the effects of our charity will be to those we give, but if we choose to give of ourselves, no matter the circumstances, we become better.
I really struggle with this, feeling guilty like I should help more. I know I could probably help more than I do individually, as our family has enough for our needs and I really feel very blessed. But we have enough because I’m the mom who buys presents, shoes, and clothes at Goodwill for the whole family. I shop at food salvage stores with dented cans and approaching- or even passed- expiration dates and use coupons and sales and price matching. We’ll never have a new car, and our computer/TV/furniture and even pre-paid cell phones are second-hand. I don’t mind those things, but I do struggle to have charity when I know that the money I give goes to people who are not willing to practice financial discipline. (I’m not so much talking about people on the corner or at the gas station in this case, since I don’t know their situations. But there are times when, as RS President, I do know the situations, and know that they have been unwise, purchasing a car they can’t afford, and being unwilling to take up the offer to learn to coupon/shop sales/purchase store brand items or go without unnecessary items.)
I’m interested to see more comments to help me resolve my issues on this topic…I know what it says in Mosiah about not helping when you only have enough for yourself, but I’ve never gone hungry, so surely I could do something. But he requires a desire, and I’m not sure I have that when I see that they have better phones/newer cars/etc. than I do.
Sorry so long- I’m definitely still working on this one.
PS- I guess I have gone hungry- by choice, every Fast Sunday. And we do give a generous offering, which I have always used to justify my not giving elsewhere..but I still feel guilty.
Maybe this is why you are serving as a RS pres, to learn this principle. As you willingly help those in need you are blessed, whether they deserve it or even appreciate it. Often when our focus is a desire to be a disciple of Christ, it’s easier to look past the faults of those who seem to only be looking for a handout. Like MMM said, it was good for him. Serve with all your heart and let the Lord take care of the rest.
Well played, MMM!
You are not alone! I feel this way too, and I really struggle with charity in those cases. We work hard to be financially stable and sacrifice a lot to do it, so I am resentful when others sacrifice nothing and buy what they want and then need help. Conference was great for me and the one thing that hit me hardest was a comment about making the Lord happy. It is my new goal to try to do the thing that will make the Lord happy, regardless of what others think or how they may perceive it. (My epiphany on this was that the Lord has no political agenda. He just wants us to come home. Therefore I need to stop looking at the different angles and perceptions when I do something, and just do what will please the Lord.) We are all works in progress, and I expect this will take a lot of work for me. Good luck!
We all have different talents and yours is in the financial aspect of your life. What a great gift! Having more (as your neighbor in need seems to) does not mean having BEST. I’m good at speaking, but my husband isn’t. Sometimes it’s hard for me to understand why it’s hard for him to speak up or express himself well, but that is a JUDGMENT on my part. We all have different talents, and they are developed differently in everyone’s lives and you are blessed to have the one you have. It’s better to think, “Wow, I’m so lucky that I don’t have that problem!” Maybe I can help. It is always better to give & have mercy. Everything comes back to us, but of course, if you do not have, that is fine too. Your family’s needs are best. Just be sure that your heart is right with the Lord, and you say, “If I had – I would give”.
My uncle has a mental illness and has lived on the streets all over the nation for almost as long as I can remember. He likes to travel and won’t stay in touch with us since he’s afraid we’ll make him stay home (mental illness, remember). He lives off the generosity of strangers.
Now days I see so many people asking for money on the side of the street or even in parking lots. I realize that a lot of them are scammers but the truth is, it doesn’t matter. I’m still blessed for giving to them even if they aren’t really in need or even if they buy alcohol with it.
I always imagine that somewhere out there the panhandler’s family is praying for him/her and asking Heavenly Father to provide for their loved one just like my family does for my uncle. That seems like a worthy cause to me.
The Lord tells us in Mosiah Chapter 4: 16-23
16 And also, ye yourselves will succor those that stand in need of your succor; ye will administer of your substance unto him that standeth in need; and ye will not suffer that the beggar putteth up his petition to you in vain, and turn him out to perish.
17 Perhaps thou shalt say: The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him of my food, nor impart unto him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just—
18 But I say unto you, O man, whosoever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdom of God.
19 For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?
20 And behold, even at this time, ye have been calling on his name, and begging for a a remission of your sins. And has he suffered that ye have begged in vain? Nay; he has poured out his Spirit upon you, and has caused that your hearts should be filled with joy, and has caused that your mouths should be stopped that ye could not find utterance, so exceedingly great was your joy.
21 And now, if God, who has created you, on whom you are dependent for your lives and for all that ye have and are, doth grant unto you whatsoever ye ask that is right, in faith, believing that ye shall receive, O then, how ye ought to impart of the substance that ye have one to another.
22 And if ye judge the man who putteth up his petition to you for your substance that he perish not, and condemn him, how much more just will be your condemnation for withholding your substance, which doth not belong to you but to God, to whom also your life belongeth; and yet ye put up no petition, nor repent of the thing which thou hast done.
23 I say unto you, wo be unto that man, for his substance shall perish with him; and now, I say these things unto those who are rich as pertaining to the things of this world.
I always think of this scripture when faced with situations like yours. I do what I can knowing that the Lord knows all and will be the one to judge if the person really needed the help or not.
I once helped a lady who was short just a few cents as she was paying for her groceries. I couldn’t believe the comments she was getting for “holding up the line” and the glare she was getting from the cashier. I was about 4 people behind her and walked up and payed what she owed. She watched as I walked to my car (a yellow X-terra) and realized that we lived in the same neighborhood. She came by later-she found me because of my car parked in the driveway-and gave me back my change. I wasn’t expecting to get the change back. It was a wonderful experience for both of us. One we all need more of.
(I think you did the right thing!)
I like to leave the judging up to the Lord when it comes to giving to those in need. Unless it is blatantly obvious that the person is going to use the money for something bad, how do we really know?
When it comes to giving a few dollars here and there to people in need, I think too many people take pleasure in “righteously” denying them because they think they know what it’s for and what’s best for others.
I have to say, too, that I think you make a couple of great points. Our Church welfare system is run on the principle that you give something for what you get, which is needed in a system that serves many people. However, I think, too often, we like to extend that principle to ourselves on an individual basis. I have to say that there is no support in the scriptures for that. In fact, Mosiah 4 lets us know the opposite. As individuals, we are not to judge the “beggar that putteth up his petition.” In that light, even if she had asked, you would have been justified in giving. As individuals, we are rarely in a position to judge another in need. That said, we should follow the Spirit in this, as in all things, but the giving is more about our hearts and our growth, not the receiver. I’ve been in Sunday School lessons about charity, and I’m amazed at how many want to sit in judgment on someone’s “worthiness” or “need” before they give. However, if the Lord waited to extend grace until we were worthy, we’d all be in trouble.
I like the idea of individuals “stepping up” to help others instead of governments and even some charities doing it. To me, this feels like a Christlike gesture versus a “handout.” It’s not like she was standing outside with a sign asking for money. But, to be honest, even if she had been holding up a sign, and you felt inspired to help her, that would have been okay, too. Your intentions were to help. If her intentions were to take advantage of other people’s kindness, that sin would be on her head, not yours.
I walked out of a grocery store one day to see a mom with two small kids. One was in diapers and the woman asked for help. I had three of my kids with me dressed in their school uniforms (that look like private school but isn’t) and I saw the baby. I have diapered 6 of my own kids. Not once did I feel like I had to beg for diapers. She had asked for money which I didn’t have (cash). I’m not sure I would have given her any. She said she needed diapers. I said, “diapers, what size?” and turned myself around while my kids waited in the front of the store (inside) and got a diapers. I looked at the isle and thought, “do I get the cheapest kind?” Something told me, “no, what did you use?”. I picked up the biggest box of Luvs and a thing of wipes and walked to the check out. The gal in front of me asked the checker how long the people out front had been there. I told her they weren’t there when I had come the first time. We had a short discussion on helping and we all agreed with what you said, “It helps US” and something about Karma. I can’t help everyone, but I CAN on occasion help a child who needs diapers. I figured with diapers it would help the mom to focus on something else for a while, not wondering if she could change that wet diaper or wait for a stinky one.
Now, I have been scammed at a gas station before. I put gas in some guy’s car. Later to find out this same guy shows up at random gas stations asking for money with a sob story to get cash. In my case I filled his car with gas. There ARE scammers as we all know and they ruin it for those that DO need help. Am I sorry I was scammed? Sure but at the same time….it hasn’t stopped me. I try to listen better on who to help.
Key point was that she didn’t respond with a demand for the money and not diapers. If the person responds grateful for the concrete goods rather than the funds, it’s probably genuine. (I have had the reverse happen.)
Sometimes I just have to say, this one’s for you, King Benjamin. I don’t have much myself and can’t do anything a lot of times, but sometimes the Spirit tells me that this person is exactly what they say and in those cases I can do something, as it happens. Funny how that works.
MMM,
Thanks for sharing. I think the charity you offered that young mom was not only the $5 in gas, but also the little bit of encouragement she may have needed. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been there when you think you have money in your account and only to be embarrassed in front of a line of people when you don’t. She clearly wasn’t going to buy beer with it since she turned right around and put it in her gas tank. It is so easy to be skeptical of the intentions of others, but like you said she didn’t ask you for money – you saw her need and gave it freely. Great example you were in that teachable moment.
A few weeks ago there was a homeless lady in line behind me at the grocery store. She was counting her change over and over, and checking her measly purchases. As I left, I handed the cashier ten dollars and told her to pay for the lady’s food, and then give her the change. The cashier gave me that look. I have no idea how it was received. I hope with the spirit I gave it.
Sometimes the spirit just nudges you and says “this woman has a sincere need” Just because someone needs help does not mean they are taking advantage. The fact that she didn’t ask for charity says much more … and your gift … much bigger than the five dollars
“Why would you do that?” Because you are a disciple of Christ, that’s why. This life is all about our ‘been there, done that’ moments. If we can’t learn from them, and use the knowledge we gain to bless others, then what’s the point? Thanks for sharing.