Listen closely, and you can hear it:
The sound of tears.
The sound of breaking hearts.
The sound of families tearing apart.
It is the sound of prophecy being fulfilled.
The sound brings back memories of the not-too-distant past, when families were torn apart by Prop 8, and the fight over same-sex marriage.
Over the past 24 hours, the Ordain Women has succeeded in doing what Satan hopes to accomplish on his best day: Destroying eternal families.
It was bound to happen. It was prophesied. This was not the first movement to do so, and it surely won’t be the last. When Jesus was on the earth, he made it very clear when he said,
“Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division: The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.”(Luke 12:51-53)
and that “And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.” (Matthew 10:36.)
I am aware of fathers and mothers grieving because their daughter have chosen this moment to walk away from the truth. We have our own relatives who set themselves apart from the family with this very issue.
I know of husbands and wives who contend between doctrine and the philosophies of men, to the destruction of their eternal marriages.
Social Media is filled with people stating their intentions to walk away from their faith, their beliefs, and their covenants, as they protest what they see as injustice. And as they do, they walk away from the Savior, and from their families.
My heart goes out to those who are suffering from their drastic choices – and it also goes out to those who are left with a hole in their family.
So much anguish. So much sorrow.
So unnecessary.
Yet what is a mother supposed to do? Choose daughter over Christ? Should a father abandon his faith to placate a straying son? Should a husband silence himself to allow his wife an unfettered voice of dissent? Or worse yet, should he join her?
Christ counters with this: “He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” (Matthew 10:37)
I hope that as the passions cool, and the inevitable void is felt, those who leave the church will return to their faith, and their God, and their families with open arms.
And to the parents, children of spouses who are suffering as they watch their loved ones make such crucial decisions as to put their eternities in jeopardy, I would point you to the words of Elder Dallin Oaks, as he quoted the above mentioned passage from Luke:
“This sobering teaching reminds us that when family members are not united in striving to keep the commandments of God, there will be divisions. We do all that we can to avoid impairing loving relationships, but sometimes it happens after all we can do.
In the midst of such stress, we must endure the reality that the straying of our loved ones will detract from our happiness, but it should not detract from our love for one another or our patient efforts to be united in understanding God’s love and God’s laws.” (Link)
“United in understanding.” That is the goal. That is what can move towards to fight back against this tragic prophecy. As we put aside the things that divide us, and move towards a unity of the faith, our families can be bound together, with the promises of eternity.
We mustn’t let philosophical differences take precedence over eternal relationships. The only passion we should let rule the day is love – on both sides of the equation.
Instead of the sound of blame, pain, murmuring and apostasy, let’s listen for the still small voice of the Spirit, as we share the sounds of mercy, testimony, prayers charity, and open arms.
(Special thanks to my lovely EC, who reminded me of these amazing prophecies over a salad at Chik-fil-A. I love her.)
“When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:
Stop it!
It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children.” (Uchtdorf)
Also, just rereading your comment might I just add:
What is my choice exactly?? To be unhappy that I am the only member in my family? To go through life depressed because I joined and they did not? My family is filled with good people who have worked hard, studied hard, and give back to their communities. So if I feel happy that this is my current lot in life then so be it… One of the biggest things I loved when I first learned of the church was that family members have chances to learn in heaven. Was I saying I never want them to believe? Of course not. I was simply saying, I am happy I don’t have to deal with my family members leaving the church over this Ordain Women moment when it would be a miracle just to bring them into it!
Thank you for the clarification!
I hate to say it but this is exactly why I am rather happy being the only member in my family. Drama like this in the church takes away from the true message of the Gospel. New converts and people investigating or even those who happily support their Mormon family members (like mine) can be so quickly turned off by the church because the noise is so much louder than the quiet whisperings of the Holy Ghost. I pray for those who might be leaving because of the wrong intentions of others.
I hate to say it but…if you are happy that the rest of your family are not members of the church, you are misunderstanding one of the crucial tenets of the faith.
Wow…
No, no. I didn’t mean it in a negative way. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it is easier for me to be a convert trying to teach them about their church without the church drama that has been going on. Because they aren’t members, I can teach them the Gospel at it’s core, not the church’s culture. Does that make sense? I was a convert for 2 years before moving to Utah for school and the Gospel of Jesus Christ as taught in my little LDS congregation in Georgia was different for me than when I saw the culture of the church in Utah. Neither is bad, both are true, but it was easier to understand in a SIMILAR form.
I hope that makes sense…
And my similar I mean simpler!!!!
Numbers 23:19. 19 God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good? Isaiah 46:9-10 9 Remember the former things of old: for I am God, and there is none else; I am God, and there is none like me, 10 Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times the things that are not yet done, saying, My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure: His Church is His Church. his Gospel is His Gospel. “as well in these times as in times of old, and as well in times of old as in times to come”.. He is in charge. He has always been. He will always be. It is foolish (indeed heretical) of any of us to attempt to second guess Him (Isaiah 55:8-9) or to think for even an instant, that it is only a matter of time until He or His Prophets and Apostles “catch up” with our personal opinion or way of thinking on any given matter, or to congratulate ourselves when/if in our perception, They do. Our options are exactly as Alma set forth: 10 And therefore, he that will harden his heart, the same receiveth the lesser portion of the word; and he that will not harden his heart, to him is given the greater portion of the word, until it is given unto him to know the mysteries of God until he know them in full.
The current episode reminds me of the Equal Rights Amendment kerfuffle back in the 1970s. A number separated themselves from the church at the time. Some later returned; many did not. The church did not fall apart, but some families did.
Some time prior to the 1978 revelation on the priesthood, I knew a man that disagreed with the church’s policy regarding blacks not being permitted to hold the priesthood. He had discussed his concerns with his church leaders. He told me that, although he disagreed with the Brethren on this point, he sustained them on the matter. For one thing, he wasn’t absolutely sure that he was correct and that the Brethren weren’t. For another, he relied on repeated prophecies that said that the priesthood ban would someday go away. He refrained from taking a rebellious stance, while others that assumed such a stance ended up out of the church.
Today my friend is quite gratified that current church leaders have renounced much of what was said and done under the church’s former policy. I am certain that many that desire priesthood ordination to be extended to women see this issue much as my friend did the issue of blacks being banned from holding the priesthood. For those that feel this way, they might be able to learn much from my friend. From today’s perspective, it looks like my friend was right all along. But he refrained from rebellion and has remained a faithful member of the church throughout the years.
I disagree fundamentally with one of the premises of this post: one should never go to Chic-fil-a for a salad.
Spoken like one who has not experienced it. What do you go for? A boring chicken sandwich – with an exciting pickle?
Will:
I really hope you are just pulling my leg. There are 14 million members of the church that have questions large and small. You expect the prophet to address each on individually in General Conference?
I hope that you won’t blame “satan” for the choices you choose to make when you are personally given the chance to show love to your family members who “sin differently” than you do. That quote comes from a modern-day prophet, who we revere as speaking for our times. Don’t let Satan win and keep you from choosing your family, your children, your spouse, even if they “sin differently”. It is an ancient law versus a modern-day law, that we love our enemies as ourselves, so let’s not focus on arcane scriptures, but on the modern day prophets.
I agree – and so does Elder Oaks – Which is why I quoted him saying this: “In the midst of such stress, we must endure the reality that the straying of our loved ones will detract from our happiness, but it should not detract from our love for one another or our patient efforts to be united in understanding God’s love and God’s laws.”
Even more, I would hope we would never consider them enemies at all.
Virginia, I’m having a hard time interpteting your *sigh*
It was probably a *sigh* because that sentence sounds like a Pinterest meme, if taken out of context.
…and it hits home.
Haha. It’s a good thing. A REALLY good thing. I appreciate how MMM strings his words together is all. I am not as talented at doing such, so sometimes all I can do is “sigh”. Just loved the entire post. But especially that line. Yep. 🙂
I love the quote given by the father in “The Testaments”. He (the father) states “In your kingdom, I can not be your father, but wherever you go, you will always be my son.” It speaks true for our children. Wherever they go, we can not always go. But regardless, they know they are always welcome back to the fold. It is important to remember that there is always hope. All wayward children, husbands, wifes, etc – regardless of what they have done in there life, they can return through the atonement of Jesus Christ. That is the hope and light of Christ. Even those who we thought were lost for good, have a way back.
Thank you for your excellent and timely post.
We have also experienced the heart break and sorrow of a child choosing to leave the church. He now has nothing to do with us, his parents, and won’t even speak or communicate with us at this time because we could not have his hostile, anti-Mormon behavior in our home, and invited him to leave. We have reached out to him and continue to love and pray for him, but to no avail at this time. We must love our family members who leave the church, but remember that they can influence others in the family negatively, especially the youth. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. It hurts every single moment of every day. Our son thought we would leave the church with him, but we have become stronger and cling to Heavenly Father and His church even more than before. I am praying for all families facing this same heart break.
“We mustn’t let philosophical differences take precedence over eternal relationships. The only passion we should let rule the day is love – on both sides of the equation.”
*sigh*
My husband ( second marriage- recent convert) and I have experienced this division begin in our family a few years ago as we decided not to attend the ” wedding” of a close Gay family member. After much praying, studying, talking both to our Bishop and Stake President and especially listening closely to the words in our Temple covenants, we decided to politely decline. A number of immediate family members ( none who are members of the Church) were very angry towards us. We were kicked out of this persons life with no contact for years. And others still hold it against us. We have been punished and retaliated against from family members for our beliefs. I remember coming across this scriptural passage Luke 12:51-53 and knowing that our situation fit this scenario exactly. It can be so hard sometimes in this world to stand with Christ and His teachings especially when your loved ones persecute you.
Thank you for sharing. We sat here as a family, and together read your wonderful blog! Thank you. It is a sad time indeed for Kate Kelly, her family and followers. Hopefully they will all be able to find their way back. The one thing we all discussed, is that if this has done anything for our family, it has truly strengthened our testimonies and helped us to see and understand how easily people can be led astray when left to their own understanding and devices instead of that of He who is at the head of the Church, our Savior Jesus Christ. So appreciate your open and welcoming, humble style. What a breath of fresh air. Thank you. 🙂 Have enjoyed reading the other comments as well.
Wow, this came when all broke lose in our family today, so timely so wise, so sad.
I agree…but I also hope that I am never tested on something that makes me feels as passionate about it as the OW chick is. We just never know what will take us to our limits. I pray that I’l never find out in this life. Much love to all on whichever side they are standing on.
I have been pondering my “deal breakers” as a result of this, too. What are my pet sins, issues, etc and would I ever allow them to destroy my relationship with the church? I have certainly felt gratitude that there isn’t something as big as the OW issue, but boy, it seems there might be a lot of little things that I need to evaluate. Am I on the Lord’s side? Now is the time to show.
I really enjoy your blog. The things you write make me think we may be long lost brothers. My 2nd FOML returned from his mission today. Before we prayed I told him he needed to give a spiritual thought. He bore such powerful testimony of the love that God has for all of His children and how he learned on his mission that obedience is the key. We must put aside our desires and follow the will of The Lord. What a blessing to have an RM in our home. As a convert to the church I feel so terrible when I see people make poor choices and leave it. I remember what life was like without the Gospel. It was lonely and scary. I hope one day these people can find their way back.
You ARE brothers 🙂
I think our membership in the church is more valuable than any political ideals we may have, any personal beliefs we may hold, or any attention we may get from the public. I remember a friend of mine who was an alcoholic and lost custody of her children for awhile. She said to me, “I did whatever they asked to qualify to get my children back.” I feel that way about my membership in the church. We all make mistakes at times through our lives, but I would do whatever it took to keep, or renew my membership. I feel so sorry that some people are allowing their own world paradigm to come between them and their covenants with God. And I feel even more sorry for others who are drawn away in the process, and are a sort of living collateral damage.
I have watched this take place with a family in my own ward. It started with something little that the wife chose to fight the Church about and has ballooned to their choice of membership. I have never seen something go downhill so very fast as I have them them. What a shame. And very scary.
Thank you for reminding us that above all things, even family, our Lord and Savior must be first. I know how hard it must be not to support the family and friends you truly love as they make choices contrary to Christ’s teachings. But your profound and precious words have strengthened my testimony, , that if we keep Christ as the center of our lives, forsaking all others, we will have our eternal blessings…even eternal family. If we choose to support those who falter and in the end lose our way, we will have lost our eternal blessings including our eternal families. I am so thankful to have the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life and be led by a living prophet who truly does speak God’s word. Thank you for helping me remember my covenants in these sad moments, for I know I can feel the peace and joy that come when I strive even harder to be true to them and to my Savior.
We have been slowly experiencing this as one of our own has made the decision to leave the church. I have experienced true mourning for her and my dreams for her. But, she is not dead! We still have time to love her and nurture her and show her what true love is. by remaining close we choose to love her, even if we do not understand or approve of all her choices! When you think about it, I do not agree with all my EC’s choices, but I love him. Especially as we are serving a mission 5,000 miles or so from home.
There are days that I would like to write on my blog regularly…even daily…but then I read what you write and would rather spend my time being inspired and/or entertained by your writings. Thank you.
Regarding the topic, I was actually going to write something like what you have written, even including statements similar to what Angela has added, but you both beat me to it. So, instead I will just give you a supporting “well said”.
I am glad you picked the salad. I love how you talk about your EC. You are sweet.
Cobb salad. Spicy dressing.
All 4 of my children for various reasons have left the Church.My oldest son is a return missionary,and when he came home met and fell in love with a girl not only not of our faith,but anti Mormon.He of course said at first he would still be strong,and would always be active and love the Gospel..but over the years like water on a stone..he not only eventually went over to her ways and thoughts,but is actively against the Church,and the stance against gay marriage has particularly been his soapbox.It has been so painful for me to see, as it is so clear that once you start listening to /considering those who try to condemn certain doctrine,or say it’s behind the times/unfair/discriminatory etc..you are on your way to apostasy.The bottom line is you believe it’s the Lord’s church..so He gets to mandate what’s true,and you follow all the prophets guidance..or you place yourself on a slippery slope that can put your eternal life in peril.Satan tries very cunningly to deceive you.He tries to make being politically correct have more weight than being God correct.It is ok to personally pray for answers, or petition God about matters you have concern about..but not demand things be changed for your satisfaction.I think of the scripture that tells us in the last days even the “elect” will fall.If they are in danger of falling..then us as regular worker bees of the Kingdom need to be constantly vigilant and on guard against any person or faction that questions Church doctrine,or tries to inflict their viewpoint against the Church in the name of “equality”.They obviously don’t understand the doctrine, the priesthood, or the divine yet different roles we have as Children of God.
I come to you as one who has dealt with this issue of a loved one falling away for a while… My heart goes out to you and others who are experiencing this… My heart is broken because of my oldest son’s vehminant Anti Mormon/Anti God stance. I love him more than I can say, and my heart is beyond broken. He is steadily bringing my second son with him in his thinking and I fear for my youngest one. My daughter, thankfully is on a mission now… but I have fallen into a depression over it, and I can’t seem to shake it… My husband had a very severe breakdown last year over it, I had to go on Family Leave Act to support him and nurse him back to functional depression for 6 weeks. it took him 6 months to recover. Now I find myself in a fog, crying at the drop of a hat, battling my own depression… how does a family live through this? I am desperate for help… any suggestions welcome.
I have a husband who suddenly left the Church for atheism two years ago. He is very anti God and anti Mormon and it affects me and my children every day. . The way to survive is to trust in the Lord and that He will make everything work out eventually. That is faith—not letting fear rule your life. Do your best to love your son still but protect your others over him if you must. Know God loves your oldest even more than you do and he will not let him wander too far so trust Him! Find your strength and stand strong again!
“He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” (Matthew 10:37)
I have pondered this scripture lately, also the scripture about fearing man more than God. I’m happily married (for 21 years) to an honorable priesthood holder, if his views changed gradually or suddenly, I hope I’d have the courage to love God more than any man. I grew up by a family where the mother was deceived and was “lead carefully down to hell”…and her family followed. So sad. I am also reminded of the scripture stated multiple times, “be wise, what more can I say”. I am so grateful for the atonement, also the reminder to be so diligent in keeping all of God’s commandments. Thank you for the post, MMM.
NOTHING is worth leaving the Church/abandoning your faith! NOTHING!! You can still love whoever is struggling and pray for them in their struggles. We are of no use to ANYBODY in our family if we abandon the safety of the Gospel. We cannot say we believe in the Book of Mormon but don’t agree with the church’s stance on an issue. You can’t pick and choose!! If indeed this church is based on revelation-from the BofM to Prophets then we must consider that our leaders have revelation in this matter. It really is that simple. I’m a convert of 17 years and there is not a day that I don’t express thanks to my Heavenly Father for bringing missionaries that day!!
Fancy meeting you here Darlene! I, too, am so glad the Lord led us to your door that day; you inspire me!! Thanks to MMM for another encouraging and timely post.
Love you Mary!! You changed my life with your message of the Gospel but also because of your goodness! You brought out a desire I never knew I had- to be better-to have that joy you possess!
Wow. Excellent observations. This is a chilling but needed post to put it all into perspective.
I hit send before finishing, but I saw this insightful comment that goes along the lines with this post: “I am surprised to see so many people say that Kate Kelly hasn’t done anything to lead people away from the church, and then admit that they themselves are considering leaving the Church. This is all a result of her actions, and by saying that you are leaving, you are showing how correct the Church has been on their stance. … Is being a part of a group or movement so important that it is worth losing one’s family and good standing in the Church over?”
Could we also offer a special thanks to your lovely EC?!