Discussions about LDS church disciplinary councils are all over the media, and as is usually the case, most of the information circulating is written by people who don’t actually understand the topic.
Specifically, there are two high-profile, publicity-hungry members of the church who have recently been summoned to disciplinary councils. If one were to believe the media, you would think that both had been drawn, quartered, and excommunicated already. Such is not the case.
My comments here are not to address those individual situations, for they have nothing to do with me.
These comments are also not meant to serve as a primer to instruct regarding the purposes and procedures of church disciplinary councils. I believe the church has already done an admirable job in that department in this article: Church Discipline.
The purpose of this post is to let you know my thoughts and offer any insight I have regarding the bigger picture of how such councils serve the interests of church members. I do not speak for the church, and base my comments on my experiences and my opinions.
My views regarding church disciplinary councils come from almost a decade of actively participating in them as a bishop, and a member of Stake councils. I have had the privilege and responsibility to participate in dozens of councils over that time.
There is a veil of mystery surrounding disciplinary councils. Some people find them scary or punitive – but that is usually from a lack of understanding that, sadly, can only be enlightened from experience. I do have a few “big” thoughts that might help…
• As I have participated in disciplinary councils I have had some of the most powerful, palpable encounters with the Holy Ghost that I have ever experienced.
• I learned that that there is much more mercy and compassion in a disciplinary council than there is discipline.
• I have watched as the Lord has guided those councils in a miraculously personal way. It helped me understand that God knows each one of us in a way that I never had previously understood.
• I have witnessed the power of the Atonement of Christ heal broken hearts and darkened spirits. I have seen the very real change of countenance in the face and eyes of many repentant souls who sought, and found, forgiveness.
• I have seen and felt the Lord guide his servants in asking the perfect questions, and providing inspired counsel to help the penitent return, and be made whole.
• As the leader of some of those councils, I have felt the Lord’s hand as He directed my thoughts, feelings and words in a precise way that I have rarely felt – in a manner far beyond my personal capacity.
• And mostly, I have felt the enormity of the Lord’s love for each of His children. It is overpowering, and at times, He shares that perspective with those who have been entrusted to care for them.
To put it simply: I love disciplinary councils, because I love the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
It saddens me that councils are necessary, just as it saddens me that repentance is necessary. I find no joy in either. But I do find joy in knowing that there is a way out of sin, and into the arms of the Savior – and sometimes a disciplinary council is required.
To break it down into the most basic terms, there are two types of people who get called into a disciplinary council: The repented, and the unrepentant.
The repentant come to a council in search of a way back. They are searching for forgiveness, healing and help.
Why do they need help? Often, the events and/or actions that lead to the council are actions that offend the Holy Ghost. When a member of the church is functioning without the Holy Ghost, it is hard to see the way back, make correct choices, or even to find hope.
That is where the Lord’s representatives come in. A bishop is set apart as a “Judge in Israel” and is entitled to the Lord’s authority and guidance in counseling, directing and assisting a struggling member. The goal? To help that member attain complete forgiveness, and return to the fold.
There are no problems so great that the Atonement of Jesus Christ cannot resolve them. The key-holders who lead these councils strive to bring the person and the Atonement of Christ together.
Some sin reaches a level of severity that forgiveness cannot be reached without the guidance of one who holds priesthood keys. At the Ward level, it is the Bishop. At the Stake level, it is the Stake President. A church leader does not forgive sins. God does. The leader helps the struggling to find forgiveness from God.
And it can be a struggle. The road back after a council be fraught with set-backs, tears, consequences and anguish – as it can be with any repentance. It may take time, guidance, patience and support. I have nothing but admiration for the courage of those who humbly undertake such a daunting task – especially the first giant step of involving their leaders.
Even on occasions where severe measures, such as disfellowshipment or excommunication are implemented, the primary goal is to save the soul of the sinner. Every situation that I have ever witnessed that has warranted an excommunication or disfellowshipment has always included a road-map, with detailed instructions on how to get back into the fold – including offers of support and assistance. I have yet to see a repentant soul just get “tossed out” of the church – even when the circumstances made my head spin.
Even in those rare cases where action is taken to protect the innocent, and the Church, the goal is still to provide repentance, hope, and provide a way back.
Personally, I haven’t ever seen someone seeking repentance come to a council who has not already been working with their Bishop to resolve their situation. Some begin the repentance process out of Spirit-induced promptings, some out of plain old guilt, and others reluctantly – because they were caught.
Whatever the motivation, if there is a true desire to repent, a disciplinary council may be the best – and only – way to accomplish that goal. Yes, it might still be a long, difficult, painful climb back – but it is possible – and therein lies the hope.
However, sometimes there is no desire to repent. Some people are brought before councils against their wishes. (Mind you, nobody can be forced to appear at a council – agency is always intact.) There are those who come with hard hearts, a defiant attitude, full of pride, and an agenda that is their own. They are devoid of the Spirit through their choices, and are often bewildered that they are even there. (Most people I know who have left the church just leave – they don’t have a council decide it for them.)
Those councils are the most tragic, and represent an opportunity squandered. In my experience, they are the rare exception, rather than the norm. These are the cases that are often portrayed as “punitive,” or “unfair.”
In such cases, when disfellowshipment or excommunication are the result, there is still an element of mercy in the process. Some people no longer feel they can, or are unwilling to, live in such a way as to conform to the commandments and directives of the church. In this instance, being excommunicated is an escape – a way to get out from under a perceived burden they are not willing to carry. It is a way out.
But as with all Church discipline, the hope is always there that the person will one day be willing and able to come back. The door is always open.
Church disciplinary councils are filled with compassion, tears, love, the Spirit, and hope. Whoever is called before those sacred councils has the choice to feel that love, Spirit and hope, or reject it.
Those councils I have witnessed represent the Priesthood of God, functioning at its very best. (If you hear otherwise, consider the source, and take it with a grain of salt.)
Great article on the sub jest from Elder Ballard: “A Chance to Start Over: Church Disciplinary Councils and the Restoration of Blessings.”
What is the restoration of blessings ordinance like?
I have never witnessed it. I did find this talk by Elder Ballard that speaks to it.
https://www.lds.org/ensign/1990/09/a-chance-to-start-over-church-disciplinary-councils-and-the-restoration-of-blessings?lang=eng
That story is one of the most tender I have ever read. As one who has been through this, it is treated so privately that the instructions to meet with the assigned authority specify that only a spouse (I was the spouse) may be present, or even wait with the person involved. The authority for this ordinance resides only with the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, and they may make a specific delegation to one of the Seventy. It is performed by the laying on of hands, and is deep-reaching into the heart and soul. It opens again every key and blessing of priesthood and temple ordinances. It is worth everything it may take to reach that day. As “I the Lord will remember them no more, ” once all is restored the person’s Church records return to the dates of original baptism and other ordinances; no one will ever see the intervening history, because it won’t matter anymore. That is true forgiveness.
Thank you.
Thank you for these words. I am sitting out in the hall right now. I just attended my own council and do not know the results, but I can tell you that the men in that room were kind and loving and only have my best interest at heart. I will heed their words and find my way back.
Godspeed Tony.
My husband went through the process, and with a testimony that he couldn’t deny, he had still had years of struggle to come to the point of rebaptism and later restoration of blessings. Now he is a high priest, taking others to the temple. Our stake president meeting with us together on the night of that court told us that the possible results were remedies, not penalties. Many years later, that is still a significant statement to me. Nothing less could have effected the changes and healing that our Father in Heaven did bring about in his life.
The people who rail about secrecy and abuse of position need to understand how sacred the confidentiality of those councils is. A bishop or other leader who violates that confidentiality in the context of that stewardship could themselves have their membership called into question–it’s that serious. That of course means that they’re unable to “defend themselves” or offer information, and those who have no understanding will cry foul.
A close friend of mine told me that when she had to attend a disciplinary council, she felt more love than she had ever felt before. That touched me deeply, and gave me greater respect for my Bishop, and made me feel more clearly the purpose of these councils. They are a true demonstration of God’s mercy.
I just read your post, thank you for writing the truth about these councils. Just recently, a member of my eternal family told me that there was a disceplenary council held and that they were excommunicated. I was heart broken even though I knew that it was inevitably going to happen. I asked if they attended the council, to which they replied, “no, I couldn’t do it”. I was in disbelief! They knew what these councils were all about, they’re done out of love to help the sinner and those affected by the sin and to protect the name of the church. My heart is truly broken for this person as well as the rest of our family! It is so true what is happening with prophecies being fulfilled and the destruction of the family……I can honestly say that I didn’t think it could happen to mine….but it has. I’m so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and for the Savior’s atoning sacrifice. My hope is that one day this family member will recognize the blessings that are missing from their life and come back.
Thank you for your post!
I feel that your judgment of these “two high-profile publicity hungry members of the church” shows no love, compassion or hope for them. You don’t know them and yet you have judged them. Where is the fairness or Christ-like behavior in that?
When someone shares letters received from church leaders regarding very private church discipline with the New York Times in order to have them published, I consider them to be publicity hungry. That is pretty obvious – right? I did not judge their motivations, nor their short, or long-term destiny.
If someone shows up on “The Voice” I can judge that they desire to be famous – without being un-Christ-like, or even knowing them.
I have been through a disciplinary council. And I assure you everything in this article is correct. It is very hard but once you have gone through it you will see that what you have done has changed you into a better person and into a person you want to be. Most people go into a disciplinary council very unhappy with themselves and when you come out the other side it is so freeing and joyous. Disciplinary councils only fix the problem that already exists they do not create any problems. What a beautiful article. Thank you for your wonderful post.
This is the most correct article I have found so far about Church discipline and such.
I myself have gone through a disciplinary council many years ago, when I became a single mother. I just got tired of being the strong person and fabulous Institute and Seminary teacher with an anti-mormon and liberal family that would criticize everything what I enjoyed in the Gospel.
Being divorced for many years after had been beat almost to death and spent months in the hospital recovering myself from a monster former husband, and not being able to find a husband in the Church, I went out and find many man – and women – that used me and abused me, until the day I got pregnant.
I suffered a hell of pregnancy and could find comfort only in my prayers crying at night alone in bed hiding myself from the world, even from my mother. That baby was the only friend I had. He was born smiling to me and no one ever extended me a hand. Not my family nor friends nor the father of my child, not even the Church.
Fortunately against all odds, coming from a broken family that always abused me physically and psychologically, I was able to be independent and raise my child alone.
When he was almost 2 years old, I had finally put my mind to the test. I showed up at a sacrament meeting one morning. Some people came and hugged me, others despised me, many pointed fingers that day and maybe until today. I knocked the bishop’s door and waited for hours, for many weeks.
Months passed, until the day he convinced himself that I was repented and the process started. And it had the stake president that knew me since I was born, the bishop, the patriarch that had issued my Patriarchal blessing years before, and two other men that I didn’t know.
I can say firsthand and with certainty: That was a time in my life where I felt most loved, loved by the brethren as a person and daughter of God, loved amazingly by my Heavenly Father. We had weeks of very hard confessions, total open heart. I was expecting excommunication and I was totally ready for it. I deserved it. I had gone through hell and known Satan face to face. I saw grown man, older and young, crying their guts off. The Holy Ghost was present every single time in a way that I could feel Heavenly Father was also crying for me. Just the feeling to have been responsible for so many blood that my Savior shed for me, only me, was overwhelming.
At the end of many weeks later I was at the hall, alone, waiting for them to call me in and tell me the results of the disciplinary council. And it came filled with tears, pure love and mercy. I waited just for 12 months and got my temple recommend back. Those 12 months were the best in my life. I felt the Savior’s love every single second, for me and for my child.
Many years have passed since. I moved many times due to opportunities of work to support my son. I restored all of my blessings and my testimony is stronger each day pass. My son is preparing for his mission soon. I re-married a wonderful High Priest that treats me like a daughter of God. He doesn’t have a lot of titles, possessions or can give me and my son a better life. We have many struggles, financial and others. But he has a steady testimony. He treats me and respects me like a daughter of God. I was sealed in the temple.
For many years, even after my discipline, I thought I had lost my blessings stated on my Patriarchal Blessing. I have all of them today. I love the temple and feel at home. My son still smiles to me, and for all that I am grateful to my Savior and Father in heaven.
I also love Church disciplinary councils for so many reasons.
Thank you for sharing that. That was beautiful!
I have been in way too many disciplinary councils. That is the bad news (sort of). The good news is it has been a very long time since, and I am keeping it that way.
If I could describe them in one word, it would be LOVE. Those have been some of moments when I felt the most love from our Heavenly Father.
Discipline=good. Council=good. We all need both.
I just read your beautiful post “Why I Love Church Disciplinary Councils” with tears, wishing the whole world could read.
“Church disciplinary councils are filled with compassion, tears, love, the Spirit, and hope.” The Gospel of Jesus Christ <3
Thank you MMM
I am so grateful that there are people like Middleaged Mormon Man who are willing to stand on a wall for us and post the good stuff while deflecting the bad. Thank you sir. I appreciate your sacrifice. I know reading all those negative comments must be hard. You are loved all the more for it. Thank you for making this blog a safe place.
Thank you for writing this! Someone had to do it, and I sure don’t have the authority/experience/energy to 🙂 Always love your stuff, keep it up!
This is the biggest crock of LDS Church PR I’ve ever read–and a pile of devilish lies. Church Courts are meant to CONTROL it’s members. That has even been mentioned by several church leaders such as BK Packer. Stop telling people lies.
I usually don’t post stuff like this, but I posted this ^^^ comment just to let y’all know what is really out there, and how ill-informed and hostile people can be.
I participate in disciplinary councils. I can agree 100% with what MMM wrote about them. They are powerful, spiritual experiences full of love. They are sad, sometimes even tragic, but oftentimes beautiful experiences. There is no coercion.
I have witnessed the power of the Atonement of Christ heal broken hearts and darkened spirits. I have seen the very real change of countenance in the face and eyes of many repentant souls who sought, and found, forgiveness.
Well, here’s to hoping her bishopric finds it in them to ask for such.
But seriously, I understand the point. I have no doubts that such proceedings can be very healing. The church representative on the radio program emphasized that excommunication is really about healing, love, etc. But it seems to me we are dealing with fundamentally different sorts of excommunication circumstances. Take a man who committed adultery, confesses, needs a restart, needs to feel contrite and then accepted again, and perhaps a spouse who wishes to see some repercussion. I can imagine an excommunication as a fresh start or a necessary part of accepting responsibility. But he sought out church authorities knowing discipline was likely immanent.
This is different from someone who gets called to court because she is a perceived “apostate.” She isn’t the one approaching the leadership for help in healing and reconciliation. Compared to adultery, her crime is less black and white. Her experience of an excommunication would likely not feel like a warm embrace. A court for apostasy is convened on the assumption that the person is guilty precisely when that person does not feel guilty at all, while the adulterer even if his confession came about due to getting “caught” or something, could approach the table feeling like he deserves it. Kate is being coerced into believing that what she does is wrong and requires a severance.
“Coerced” is a funny choice of words. I would use “taught,” “instructed,” or “enlightened.”
Sometimes it takes a court to help the person understand that they are in a wrong place, because the alternate voices they are listening to are so loud that they drown out the Spirit.
Not to mention that one of the three reasons for a council is to protect the integrity of the church. People that I have known to have a council because of apostate behavior were not repentant nor desirous to continue following church doctrine. Having a council for them was definitely to help protect the integrity of the church because of how damaging their false claims…pure lies…could be to the members of the congregation.
It is hopeful that someone who is having a council is coming to it with a repentant attitude so that the council can be focused more on their benefit, healing, and return. If they can’t come with that attitude, or refuse to come at all because they don’t feel any remorse, the integrity of the church is still at hand.
Thank you for writing this post. I have only participated in a handful of councils. There is not a doubt in my mind that the Lord is guiding those meetings and that the individual is blessed throughout the whole process as they try to work through the whole repentance process.
It has been my experience that most disciplinary councils are held for either sexual sins or illegal acts committed. I was just wondering, of all the many councils you’ve been a part of, how many were held for Apostasy?
I would agree with your statement. Regarding councils for apostasy, the answer is “some.” (But definitely the minority)
The problem is that this isn’t an area where there are good publicly released statistics, for good reason. I have not taken part in a disciplinary council for apostasy but I’ve not participated in too many at this point in life. It’s my impression that in recent times, say since 1980, councils for apostasy are not quite as common as they used to be but I don’t have anything to back that up.
While I don’t have the statistics for why disciplinary disciplinary councils are called, historically (until the late 1970s), apostasy accounted for 50-94% of excommunications (Bergera, G. J. (2011). Journal of Mormon History Vol. 37, No. 3, Summer, p.124). However, disfellowshipping was the most common result of sexual sins (at least in the 1800s; ibid.). This is probably still the case. As serious as sexual sin is, it takes repeated offense and/or while in a ‘high’ calling to result in excommunication.
I have a son-in-law who could have written a good story for your convert stories and it started with a church court. Before their marriage, he went with his girlfriend to her church court to support her. He was concerned about her facing “all those men” by herself. He was so impressed with the love and the Spirit at that council that it was the beginning of his conversion to the church. This was many, many years ago but I am still impressed by how much better my daughter understands repentance than I do.
Thank you for this post. As a young adult, many years ago, I felt the need for deep repentance. I sought my Bishop and subsequently participated in a “Church Court”. The power of the atonement is so real and one can feel when forgiveness comes. It truly is a Court of Love and I am a better member (and person) because of it.
Thanks for addressing some things that have been heavy on my heart for the last few days-your post was an answer to a prayer.
My husband came before a council. When the loving group decided on disfellowship, he handed them a letter that demanded removal of his name from church records. He was out of the church for 10 years before a loving home teacher influenced his desire for rebaptism. But he was in and out of the church for another 10 years. Finally, after the children were grown and I left, he began to see that he missed his family, his wife and the church. He began to repent, to work with his bishop, stake president and the addiction recovery group. He ask our children and me for our forgiveness. He worked for 3 years to regain his temple blessings. He died suddenly after a visit to his stake president. But we have the assurance that the Lord was pleased with his effort and his temple blesssings were restored a year after his death. Sometimes, it takes a long time for the desire for repentance happens. But the love of God and of the brethren is always there.
Susan, thank you for sharing this story. It touched my heart.
Sometimes Satan’s snare is so vicious that it takes a huge struggle over a long time to break free.
I’m certain the Lord, in His holy love for all of his children, took him in His arms as he passed through the veil and accepted him authentic effort to repent.
As I read, I kept thinking of my comment here….”you need to say this”, or “you need to say that” and then you would. Thank you.
As another who has had the (mis)fortune of sitting on several such councils, it amazes me how the repentant enter that room with their eyes caste down fully expecting the walls to fall in on them and to be buried under the glare of 15 judgmental men. Usually they leave humbly with their head held high (oxymoron, I know) knowing that they are on track and have a way back to where they want to be.
Conversely, the unrepentant enter with their haughty eyes, arrogance and anger. Some leave the same way and others leave humbled, discovering that the council really does want what is best for them, and they leave with a desire for repentance. Thank the Lord for these councils and the opportunities they provide.
I have only participated in a few councils and I can agree that there is more love than many might assume.
Even though I have some very strong opinions on one of these 2 cases in the media (I assume MMM doesn’t want to dive down on either side), I think the above post has helped me remember some of the purpose of the council.
Maybe this should be MMMM (Moderate Middle-age Mormon Man)
I never felt the need to dive down either side – I see both cases as so glaringly obvious that I didn’t feel they need any more attention. (Moderate? Hardly)
The few councils I participated as a member of the ward leadership in were just as MMM described. There have been few times where the Spirit has been stronger than in those times. The power of the atonement is evident, and these councils are a wonderful blessing to have in the journey of repentance.
It is heartbreaking when someone you love requires this kind of tough, compassionate love. There is nothing more devastating than ‘losing’ someone to excommunication. Most of us have no idea what it means to be left without the Spirit-to struggle in darkness to find the light again. Souls become desensitized and the promptings fainter and fainter until they disappear. Progress can be made and God does not forget us….but waits patiently and brings to bear circumstances that awaken feelings long abandoned. We may not live to see the repentance process come to fruition but rest assured, God will outwait them.
Very timely. Thank you.
Wonderful explanation for a scary situation, from the point of view of one who really knows. Thank you for your knowledge and insight.
Thank you, MMM. This post has been very educational and inspirational to me. I always knew that these councils were “courts of love” and you have explained so eloquently why this is so.
Thank you for this great article! 🙂
I have a dear relative that was excommunicated, and then found his way back to be re-baptised. It was the best thing that ever happened to him!!! He is now one of the most humble and devoted people I know. His life, and his family, were saved because of a loving, merciful, need church council. They truly are a blessing! 🙂