Why? Because forgiveness is huge, and life-altering. As is the lack of forgiveness. To help make this point, I would like to introduce you to Tarzan, and the Tarzan Principle. (Just go with it. I promise you won’t regret it.)
As you know, Tarzan lives in the jungle. His preferred mode of transportation is swinging through the trees. It is fast, efficient and exhilarating. He fluidly swings from vine to vine, never touching the ground.
Upon closer examination, you can see that as Tarzan reaches out and grabs the next vine, he releases the vine he had been riding on. This allows him to move forward, constantly grasping new vines to continue his journey.
Now, imagine what would happen if Tarzan grabbed the next vine, but refused to let go of the old vine. Exactly. He would stop dead – suspended in the air between two vines.
For Tarzan to ever be able to regain his momentum, he would eventually have to choose which vine to release.
Everyone of us finds ourself reaching towards the Savior, towards the Atonement – reaching and searching for forgiveness. It is inevitable. It is part of the plan.
However, like Tarzan, if we are trying to grasp the Atonement, and refuse to let go of the things we are hanging on to, we stop dead. We lose all spiritual momentum. We are “damned.”
The Lord said it better, and he didn’t even need to use Tarzan:
The greater sin?
You are telling me that my refusal to let go of the things that have been done to me – the pains that I have had to endure – will cause me to lose the Lord’s forgiveness and the power of the Atonement? Yes. Exactly. You get it.
But what if the person that wronged me isn’t repentant – what if they aren’t even sorry they did it? Doesn’t matter.
But what will happen to them? Still doesn’t matter. We are talking about us.
If we are unwilling to forgive – unwilling to let go – we are condemned, and have denied the core principles of the very Atonement we reach for. Seems a bit hypocritical doesn’t it – to try to get something for ourselves that we deny others?
I have witnessed the toxic nature of an unforgiving heart. I have seen an unwillingness to forgive prevent couples and families from moving forward and regaining their spiritual momentum.
Stalled. Damned.
I have witnessed people who cling to the old vines of anger, accusation and resentment until they are so cankered that they no longer reach for the Savior. Spiritually stuck between two vines. One offers hope and joy, the other condemnation and bitterness.
Personally, at times I have carried grudges far longer than I should, and I have felt those burdens immediately lift and drift away as I decide to release them. Immediately.
I have also seen those who labor to forgive find great peace and happiness as they free themselves from burdens they have been carrying for 10, 20 years, or 10 to 20 minutes. Forgiveness offers hope, peace and spiritual momentum.
Think of your grudges, resentments, hurt feelings, pain. Can you let them go? Can you move forward? For the sake of your happiness, and the happiness of your family, find a way to forgive. It is the only way.
And it is worth it.
The main idea in the post can be a fun way to teach a specific principle of the gospel. It works well in an home or classroom setting, and coupled with the story in the following talk by James E. Faust, makes for an effective lesson. Read on…
The first is an aricle in the Deseret News about stories of forgiveness. The second is a Conference talk by President James E. Faust, who I love and miss.
Note: This blog was originally posted on 9/18/2011, but is as applicable as ever.
It’s hard to pick a Favorite MMM post but for me this is in the top five. I’ve been sharing this post verbally with family and friends all this past week. I’m a visual learner and your graphics were perfect for sealing the deal. Thank you for your insight and excellent writing.
I really needed this message today. Thank you!
You were spared the diagrams only because I do not know how to put them in
Ha!
The physics and geometry of the whole Tarzan on the vines thing have always been bogus because vines hang vertically. It is totally unworkable unless someone has set up each succeeding vine, so that gravity and potential energy repeatedly feed forward momentum. (not to mention the “watch out for that tree” phenomenon experienced by George OTJ) Sometimes the adversary has set up the “next vine” with just the right angle needed to introduce us to one of the trees in George’s Jungle. The trick is to grab the CORRECT next vine, set so as to swing one’s self on a safe vector. The miracle is that the correct “next vine” isn’t a vine at all. It is one of the Savior’s loving arms, which are promised to be ever extended to us. They will never swing us to harm, never break, and never let go of us so long as our grasp is determined and firm, Even better, so long as we hold tight, his arm will pull us upward even as we swing; stay with Him through the whole arc and one will always arrive at a higher point on the other end of the arc, even if at some points of the arc we may have thought our arm would separate from our shoulder. (A feeling best avoided by holding on with Both arms and Both legs.) Them’s my two cents. Spend ’em wisely. 🙂
Thanks you for this insight! (And thank you for not including diagrams)
I love this quote from Bro. Wallace Goddard from his Meridian Magazine article, The Great Presumption> http://ldsmag.com/ldsmag/myth/030318presumption.html You both have articulated so well the Savior’s counsel/command. “Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin” (D&C 64:9, emphasis added).
Sometimes we’re tempted to accuse God of hyperbole. He couldn’t possibly mean that, if someone commits a grievous sin against us—perhaps murder, rape, theft—that we will be guilty of a still greater sin if we do not fully forgive that person. Maybe He is exaggerating for effect.
Of course there is another possibility. Maybe He really means it. Maybe unforgivingness is a presumption of epic proportions. Maybe the failure to forgive suggests that we think we should be able to regulate the flow of His grace. “No one should be redeemed unless I approve.”
Perhaps God is telling us in that remarkable scripture that we do not have veto power on His acts of redemption. When we presume to declare someone undeserving, we show our pettiness and ingratitude. We clearly do not understand our own dependence on His grace.
Beautiful. Thank you so much for this comment.
AuntSue
Such a great visual, I have always love the Tarzan stories. When approaching my Father in prayer, I have begged him to remove my feelings of bitterness toward someone who should have been a loved one. The bitterness was taken immediately, but of course , the bitterness creeps back and that prayer must be repeated again. But the bitterness does finally fade away, and inner peace can come to stay.
Atta girl, Aunt Sue!
I was inactive for over 15 years because I couldn’t forgive certain people who had hurt me deeply. It took a very wise and compassionate missionary couple to help me realise that all those years I had only been hurting myself by hanging on to my resentment. They taught me that the people involved had continued their path in the church, receiving blessings which I had deprived myself of. I took their advice to search my soul and try to forgive and let go of my anger. It was the most cleansing and enlightening act I’ve ever performed. I was able to return to full activity in the church, attend the temple again and have the blessings I am entitled to once more. I have resolved my issues with the people concerned and have a loving and friendly relationship with them that gives me great happiness. I am now serving on the RS presidency and enjoying my church life to the full. I would recommend forgiveness, true honest forgiveness to anybody because we only hurt ourselves by clinging to that vine.
What a sweet story. Thanks!
Great analogy. I’m a visual person..so the picture in my mind of being completely stalled as you hold on to both vines and prohibit forward progress,was very powerful. I know most have heard the saying that not forgiving, is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die..but it is so true.The hurts,wrongdoings,slights, and downright evil others may do that afflicts and affects us, may be hard to let go of,especially when we may feel justified..but if we do not, then we drink the poison we think the offender deserves. It is so freeing and liberating when we can forgive. And it opens the portal to blessings and Heavenly Fathers love that we close off by holding on to hurts and grudges. Thanks for the reminder!
I think Kevin’s question is one of the hardest ones associated with forgiveness. I have pondered it often as I have tried to come to grips with a situation where one family member sexually abused another. Is it even possible to have the same positive family relationship we once had when such an awful thing has happened?
I have struggled often with knowing whether my feelings of not wanting to have a close relationship with the abuser means I’m unforgiving or whether it’s a natural consequence of a horrible, horrible choice the abuser made.
Although you can find those who say that forgiveness does not mean you have to be best friends or associate with the offender, it seems to me that if the atonement truly makes it ALL better then it follows that there must come a day (here or in the hereafter I know not!) when we are able to FULLY reach out to those who have wronged us.
Elder Scott (To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse, May 2008 Ensign) says: “While an important part of healing, if the thought of forgiveness causes you yet more pain, set that step aside until you have more experience with the Savior’s healing power in your own life.” I have found both peace (how I feel is ok right now) and pain from that statement (I feel that way because I have not applied the atonement properly or fully in my life.)
What I have come to know for sure is this: Forgiveness is an incredibly personal process, and there is no “one size fits all” way through it! We must tune in closely to the Father and our Savior and be patient in the process, knowing that one day we’ll make it through having learned what They want us to know in order to be like Them.
Libby, that was awesome! Thank you for sharing your insight and the references. We are all at different points in our path. We can help one another as we learn and grow.
Twenty-five years ago, a man robbed me in my home, tied me, and tried to crush my skull with a sewing machine. After I passed out from the blood, he set fire to my legs. In the hospital, I realized that I had a choice. I could spend the rest of my life obsessing over this man, thirsting for revenge…or I could take him out of the equation, take all that energy and put it into getting myself well…and forgive him. It isn’t always easy, but I have never regretted that decision.
Forgive us our tresspasses AS we forgive those who tresspass against us.
God bless.
A question or thought about this is do we need to reach out to those that have wrong you to become best friends or associate with them even if you have forgiven them? They may not have changed or moved on yet… My concern is setting yourself up for further hurt or anger by continuing association with that person.
There is no requirement to open yourself up for more abuse. You can decide, righteously, that you need to separate yourself from a person or situation that is harmful to you. The Lord will help you understand that; or, conversely, He may gently teach you how to understand them and heal the relationship. It all depends on their nature and intent and your own needs.
The key is that you hand the responsibility of judgement over to God. Ask Him where the boundaries should be set, and work from there. The process is often bumpy, but it’s going to free your life and spirit as you let the Atonement bless and heal you, whatever the other person decides. Acknowledge that it’s hard, realize it won’t be instant, and know that it’s truly worth it.
I heard it phrased this way: “I will forgive you for punching me in the face, but that doesn’t mean I have to stand in font of you again.”
Good reminder. I had seen this post before, and of course, have known and taught the doctrine, but lately I have been feeling a little of the “why do I always have to be the one to suck it up?” resentment. It’s not about them, it’s about MY progress.
Thank you for the Tarzan analogy. I also apply it to letting go of the past (I am recently divorced) so that we can grasp on to what the future has to offer. I love Elder Holland’s thoughts on this, taken from a speech he made at BYU called “Remember Lot’s Wife.” Here’s the abridged version from the Ensign. “The Best is Yet to Be.” Sorry, I know this is OT but just felt the need to share. https://www.lds.org/ensign/2010/01/the-best-is-yet-to-be?lang=eng
This is a principle I’ve been struggling with for some time. I go back and forth between forgiving and letting go and hanging on to anger to process my feelings. I’m an abuse survivor of many years. It is a hard thing to let go of the horrors inflicted upon me as a child. I know this is a right and true principle because it is in the scriptures. The important thing for me and all of us to remember is that it’s a process which sometimes has to happen every single day. I may forgive the perpetrators one day and have to forgive them all over again the next because there are so many reminders of what happened, because the PTSD symptoms are recurring. But just as I have to seek the Lord in prayer for my own forgiveness every day, I think it is equally applicable to forgive my enemies every day. One day I believe my mind, heart, and body will be healed. In the meantime I just try to accept the Lord’s Atonement every day.
You know how I feel about this one. Thank you xoxox
Can you believe it has been 3 years???
Forgiveness can be difficult but once you submit to its’ cleansing, the path forward is remarkably rewarding.
Thank you..