I grew up in a two-story house. The living room, kitchen and all the bedrooms were on the top floor. The basement was for storage, laundry and the family room. Oh, and my bedroom. Let me connect some dots..
We had one TV – downstairs in the family room. Everyone slept upstairs, except me.
Yes, I did watch plenty of television after everyone had gone to bed. (on a side note, I was young and dopey enough to be frustrated for years, because every night the newspaper listings showed that at least one of the four channels would be airing “TBA.” I loved basketball, but could never find a single TBA game.)
Growing up in Utah, the TV networks took their role as gatekeeper quite seriously. Often there would be a new program that pushed the envelope of societal norms. Occasionally, the affiliates would push that program off their primetime schedule, and air it later, after the evening news – to keep it from younger viewers. Well, most younger viewers…
In addition, at that time in our political world, the FCC made a serious attempt to minimize the level of profanity, violence and innuendo on the prime time schedule. (Which accounts for why shows like the Brady Bunch and Happy Days were actually on at 7:00pm.)
As the years went by, the standards declined, and shows like “All in the Family, “Soap,” and “M.A.S.H., filled the evening schedule. (And this was still in the ’70s.)
My parents were very stern in instructing me to leave the TV off at night. Yet I was sneaky and disobedient. I don’t recall if I ever got caught, but I probably did. I do remember watching the entire “Roots” miniseries, by myself, in the dark family room, late at night.
Where am I going with this? Basically, I wanted to point out that when I was a young teen, there were three layers of Gatekeepers telling me to “KEEP OUT!” and trying to protect me from TV that wasn’t appropriate for a kid my age.
1) The FCC. Uncle Sam, trying to keep some semblance of control.
2) Local Network Affiliates – willing to stand up against their own networks to protect what they considered to be the “Community Standards.”
3) Mom and Dad. Watching out for their kids, serving their role as guardians of their home.
Simply put, all three layers failed.
Fast forward 40 years…
A couple of months ago, I was watching an episode of a network TV series that was particularly violent. (Blacklist) I was a bit taken aback at what I had just seen, and made a comment to my EC.
“Man, 20 years ago, they would never have shown anything like that on TV. Or even 10 years ago.”
Then the thought struck me: “10 years ago I would never have watched something like this on TV.”
My initial thought was to castigate the networks and FCC gatekeepers for keeping pace with the declining moral culture of our time – but I had a sad realization:
There are no more Gatekeepers.
The FCC and TV networks no longer try to push back against cultural decline, they celebrate it.
My parents are gone…
But here is the deal – and it is directed at me, but you can play along if you would like: The only Gatekeeper left for me is the same one that failed me when I was a teen.
Me.
I am my own Gatekeeper. Nobody else has that responsibility or burden. Sure people can help, support or teach, but, ultimately it rests entirely on my shoulders.
And it is harder than ever.
The evolution that entertainment has undergone over the past few years has made it so that there are no longer even any gates to keep. I can pick up a remote in my home, or turn on my computer and watch popular programs that would never, ever have been shown on TV just 10 years ago.
The very same programs that I would never, ever, ever have believed I would ever allow myself to watch. It really is a sad realization that the culture is not the only thing that can decline, and it kind of creeps up on you. (Insert boiling frog story here.)
Examples? Sure! Here are a few:
The Walking Dead, Breaking Bad, House of Cards, Game of Thrones, Hannibal, The Following, Blacklist, Suits, every incarnation of CSI, Stalker, Modern Families, Dare Devil, The Strain, The Americans, Mr. Robot, a bunch of reality shows, etc., etc.
How do I know? I’ve watched some of them. I only got past the first few minutes of the first episode of certain programs before it was painfully obvious that this new show was not for me. Usually, I am disappointed because I like discovering new things to watch.
To make it even worse, there are movies and shows of all kinds, rated and un-rated that I can stream into my home via Netflix, Hulu, cable, or a dozen other services. None of these services even pretend to have a “gatekeeper.” Sure, they flash a rating, but the ratings become less and less meaningful as the years go on.
“Binge-watching” is a new concept and a new hobby, often with a self-congratulatory air. We find ourselves bragging that we watched a year’s worth of programming in a caffeine and Cheetoh haze.
Yes, I am my own Gatekeeper, and I will go on record and admit that I’m not as good at it as I should be. It was easier in a world where you had to pay for programming, or buy a ticket to go see an R-rated movie.
(A quick note about movie ratings: What a lousy system! I know the kind of people who run that industry, yet I use those ratings to excuse myself in watching – and allowing my kids to watch – things I should never be watching, merely because the rating works. Imagine – if I take a 12 year-old to a PG-13 movie, that means that I actually have LOWER movie standards than Hollywood! Yikes!)
I have kids, too, and I try to function as a Gatekeeper for them – but the reality for them is the same as it is for me: They are their own Gatekeepers. Ultimately, I cannot control every single thing they let into their lives. I cannot be their full-time Gatekeeeper. Sure, I could turn off the power and try to force them to live in a vacuum, but that is only a temporary fix. The world will still find ways to knock on their doors. That job of Gatekeeper belongs to them. As a father, it is my job to help teach them that, and the home is the best place for them to start flexing those self-discipline muscles.
There are no Gatekeepers except ourselves, and no rating systems we can count on. So what can we use for guidelines, and support?
I know of a couple things:
1) What our youth are being taught. I have a hard time asking the youth to live standards that I am not willing to live. Here is what they are taught from the “For the Strength of Youth” pamphlet.
“Do not attend, view, or participate in anything that is vulgar, immoral, violent, or pornographic in any way. Do not participate in anything that presents immorality or violence as acceptable. Have the courage to walk out of a movie, change your music, or turn off a computer, television, or mobile device if what you see or hear drives away the Spirit.”
The key line in that paragraph, and the crux of this entrée conversation is this: “if what you see or hear drives away the Spirit.” Would the Holy Ghost stick around for the program I am watching? Would Jesus sit next to me and watch The Walking Dead? Would my Mom? That serves as a petty simple litmus test.
2) It is what I have been taught by my leaders my whole life. Back when I was engaged to be married, President Ezra Taft Benson said this in Priesthood Conference:
“We counsel you, young men, not to pollute your minds with such degrading matter, for the mind through which this filth passes is never the same afterwards. Don’t see R-rated movies or vulgar videos or participate in any entertainment that is immoral, suggestive, or pornographic.” (link)
Pretty blunt, right? I ignored that counsel for a long time. Since then, that counsel has been re-iterated and reinforced by countless leaders. I have looked, and to the best of my knowledge, that prophetic counsel has never been rescinded. And the amazing thing is that this counsel was based on 1986 standards – you know, back when things were more innocent. To me, if a prophet counsels me to do, or not do something, it moves from being a “good idea” to a simple question of obedience.
3) The 13th Article of Faith. “If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.” Joseph Smith
Now there is the set of standards that I should be shooting for. How many TV shows could be summarized with those words? Lovely? Praiseworthy? What about an M-Rated HBO or Netflix series? Virtuous?
On a side note, I have never seen, or know of any R-Rated movie, or M-rated TV show or video game that meets Joseph Smith’s standards from the Articles of Faith, or the counsel of the prophets to avoid “vulgar, immoral, violent, or pornographic” things. Not one. None. Zippo. And a close look at most PG-13 movies would surely lead to the same conclusion. It is NOT about the rating. It is about the content. The rating system is already set at a painfully low standard. Do we go even lower?
It makes me sad, because I love all sorts of movies and TV programs, but I am confident that this struggle will only get more difficult as time marches on. However, as it does, I have the remote, I have the counsel, I have my agency, and I have the title of OFFICIAL GATEKEEPER.
What am I going to watch tonight?
We discovered a long time ago, if the critics love it, it probably isn’t worth watching, if the critics hate it, we should probably take a closer look before we decide. When we moved to AZ a couple months ago, we thought about getting satellite or cable again, we haven’t had it for more than 10 years. One week of hotel living, and we decided that what we can get on Hulu is more than adequate
“I am my own Gatekeeper.” So simple, yet so profound, and so hard to fully grasp and accept.
Thank you for another great post.
Elaine S. Dalton once said, “If you want to make a difference in the world then you have to be different from the world.” I think it would be great if we could tell the followers of Christ apart by just observing them because they are choosing to be different in how they dress, how they speak, what they read, what they listen to and watch.
If that is what we are aiming for, then we need to have a different rating system than hollywood. I had a similar realization to yours a few years back which came to me as “Who is the MPAA to decide which movies I will or will not watch?”
If only we had a rating system that rated the content of media based on how spiritually offensive its content was. Now that would be helpful.
Interesting enough, I have not seen more than one episode of any of those shows you listed, if at all. Not that hard to do when you got rid of cable because of the garbage and the price. Guess my inner Gatekeeper remained operative over the last 15 years. It is possible, but you have to set the line and be determined not to cross over.
I like cable. I’m a sports fan- especially BYU, and we find plenty of good stuff too
You could have titled this ” Dear mCat,”
Yeah, I know. I have a lot of work to do
Or I could have titled it: “By MMM, Specifically Written FOR MMM.”
Agree that we each have to step it up and model the kind of Gatekeeper behavior each of us and our kids need. And we’re all learning to be Gatekeepers in an era that presents far broader access to a staggering spectrum of media. My own smugness at intentionally avoiding the example programs you listed (and all “R” movies -since 1979) was quickly replaced. By sadness that our society’s baseline tolerance for crummy stuff has sunk so low. And by feeling sobered by the awareness that I’m only one click away from stuff on my phone, computer and/or “Smart TV” that’s fouler and viler than anything our parents and grandparents might have imagined being produced (must less viewed in a decent society).
Question. What would you guys say to do about in a class where you’re required to watch a movie? My high school history teacher let me sit outside the classroom(which was good because that particular year I couldn’t handle much (the movies were Schindler’s List and an R-rated movie about the civil war that was apparently violent)) but at a class in community college, my teacher didn’t give me any warning. I didn’t realize the movie was rated R until several f words later, and she would not give me an alternative. This happened twice.
THAT is a good question. I’ll have to think about that one…
My kids have this issue all the time, in high school (early college high school–but we only have this issue in the high school classes). We teach our children to walk out of anything that is not virtuous, lovely, of good report or praiseworthy. We teach them that it is important to take a stand and exercise their right not to be exposed to these things for the ‘sake of their education’. What a bunch of hooey! You can talk about all of the base things and behaviors in society and debate the best ways to handle any of them without having to be exposed to them. My husband uses the example that you do not have to wade around in the sewer to know it is garbage. You can still talk about what to do to clean it up.
Some of our teachers have actually expressed gratitude for their standards and have supported them in adhering to them. Which is great and wonderful!
Others don’t understand why it is a problem and though they ‘preach’ tolerance, that certainly doesn’t seem to apply when our standards are higher than theirs. It is an ongoing battle because it is one particular teacher who has had three to four of our kids.
And on a side note, I even had the issue in a college class from a church college–yes, BYU. I did not walk out of the film (R rated in the 80’s) but I wish that I had. And I believe that is part of the reason I encourage my children to walk out and try to discuss their feelings with their professors afterward.
But if we do not take a stand and lead with the appropriate virtues, who will?
I think it is significant for someone, anyone (better if many) stood up and said, “I’m sorry, I don’t think this media makes the cut—even if it is good except for that one little part.”
Just my two cents 🙂
A friend explained to me a long time ago that he doesn’t want to do anything to “offend the Spirit”. That phrase stuck. It makes me think twice about my choices.
“It makes me sad, because I love all sorts of movies and TV programs.” Ditto. It sounds pathetic, but it’s true. Movies are an important part of my life. They are sensational. They bring me into a world I could have never experienced otherwise.
I had a surprisingly easy time getting over watching R-rated movies because a good 95% are truly sick. The Lord has helped me get over that–I promised the Lord I’d never watch an R-rated movie again, and I haven’t since. Though, I am glad when R-rated movies that I want to see air on TV and are edited to TV14.
I haven’t sworn to never watch a PG-13 movie, but over the past few months I have been not watching ones “just to watch them” or ones that look excessively sexual or sick.
I admire my step-grandmother who does not watch any movie unless it is G. Amazing.
And that goes to show that sometimes even PG movies aren’t the best media–they can take the Lord’s name in vain, they can have some innuendo, etc.
I stopped watching The Simpsons after hearing Thomas S. Monson’s quote on innuendo. I am so thankful that I’ve been able to make those changes so that I can become more Christlike and more comfortable with living in God’s presence. But I still have a lot of work to do.
I think the prophetic counsel to improve our observance of the Law of the Sabbath is a marvelous response to these concerns. As we strive to more fully obey this law, and purify the spiritual environment of our homes on Sundays, we will receive the blessings and strength, and develop the habits, to raise our standard and make better media choices during the rest of the week.
It really is a blessing to live in a time and place where we have access to the counsel of living prophets.
When we got married three years ago, my husband and I decided not to have TV/cable in our home. We have a television set, but we only watch (DVD/BluRay) or stream carefully chosen content. We have found that we have much more time to devote to more meaningful activities, from temple attendance to scripture study to service, without the distraction of TV. My husband will spend time online screening movies and programs that we might want to watch before we rent or purchase them. We feel very much in control of our media habits, even though we have to shrug and smile when people mention BREAKING BAD or GAME OF THRONES. It has been a great blessing to have a home where the Spirit is welcome to abide.
It’s hard to find many redeeming things to watch on tv or in the movies..period. Even channels I used to think were “safe” to watch..like HGTV for example..push gay relationships, people moving in together without marriage etc.
I used to watch Food network,but increasingly bad language is creeping into some of their programming. And TLC..the “learning “channel..often has programming that I don’t want to learn about.And don’t get me started on commercials…
I was in AZ for 6 weeks taking care of my daughter who was seriously hurt in an accident,and they don’t have tv.At first I thought…no tv for 6 weeks? But I found very quickly that I surprisingly did not miss it.
On my way home,I stayed in a hotel, and thought, good,I can relax and watch tv now.But was surprised to learn I didn’t want to, and left the tv off the entire stay.I have found that except for a few exceptions..I have left the tv off, and have not only found more time for better pursuits..but my mind and spirit feel refreshed and less cluttered.
Maybe the first step to being a good self gatekeeper..is to not even open the gate.
We have been searching for binge-worthy shows while my EC is recovering from knee surgery. It has been frustrating to start and finish each binge in one episode 😉 I downloaded an app called Common Sense Media which is fabulous because it gives me the details I need – not just for movies but TV series as well. Now I know of even more shows I don’t want to watch!
I’ve been pondering these same things lately. We were recently gifted a Roku and have gone from marathons of BYUTV to marathons of a wide variety of shows. What a difference. There is so much out there Are we being wise???
We must seek after the good things. There are some good things out there. I love my TV Guardian. Bought it many years ago for $99. Worth every penny. I work hard to seek out good media, including books, so my mind isn’t polluted. But it is difficult. I also write an email at least weekly to notify sponsors of raunchy shows that I am offended by the content. I ask them to consider pulling their advertising. Many do. At least I can feel that I stand for something. If you are interested in doing the same, join One Million Moms. Thanks for standing for something yourself, MMM!
This is a subject we all think of when we witness something on television we wish we hadn’t but is something that should be directed to the adults as well as the youth. They hear it all the time. The adults need to be held
accountable with it also. I can name at least 3 family-oriented shows that were wonderful to watch, on a weekly basis until they weren’t. I can name what made me quit watching them. That is always the way Satan works though. Some things are so obviously wrong and then others are very subtle and sure. He will get you comfortable and then you can either look past that one things that is “off” or never turn it on again. I work at this all the time and am trying to always choose to leave it alone. That way I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I also used to watch soap operas when my children were little. It took me getting backed up and not having time to watch the recorded shows to realize what I was doing. Is there anything on television more immoral than activities on a soap opera????? Thanks again for the reality check.
The comment about the ratings system and do we really want to have lower standards than Hollywood really struck a cord with me. I do go by their ratings system sometimes and I really shouldn’t. Just because “they” say it’s ok for my teenagers doesn’t mean it always is. The adversary is always trying to lull us into a false sense of security! Thanks for spelling it out so clearly.
I know there are so many good choices in media that I try to saturate my environment with good books, movies, etc. and then I find myself singing raunchy music at the top of my lungs in the car *facepalm*
I don’t eat Cheetos when I binge watch. If it not chicken wings, it’s Doritos. Cheetos are too messy.
Amen
I clicked on an interesting-looking audio post last night in facebook and the third word that flew from my speakers was *loud* profanity. Four of my grands were playing a board game at the table behind me. As soon as this word thrust itself into the room, all four turned to me and, with half-smiles on their faces and in a reproving tone said, “Grandma!” I clicked the disgusting post closed, apologized to them and realized I had polluted their world, which I would never have thought to do in a million years. They know me well enough to know it was accidental, but it has made me hesitate to click on anything now. How do I become a trusted guide in their youth when even MY innocence was shaken? (And how to I get these words out of MY head?) I know they hear this, and other more offensive words, daily. They are bombarded in the hallways of their schools with words like this pounding in their ears. They try their hardest to ignore it, they say. But when their own grandmother brings words like this home, it is shocking and memorable. Sorry to rant MMM but the memory of this incident is so fresh, I had to vent. Thank you for your post.
ouch! well said… but ouch!
Nice post. Yeah for parental controls, especially on the internet! This is something that we constantly try to communicate to our kids, especially in the past few years due to their ages. We are our own gatekeepers aren’t we. The rating system is so arbitrary also, completely unreliable. Content will be edited and manipulated to get a certain rating to reach whatever audience they think will bring in the most money, protecting the young from things that they shouldn’t be watching has very little if anything to do with it. It really is something parents should be aware of…one more layer. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten into discussions with other Mother’s about this stuff, they ban rated R movies in their home ok good but its more complicated than that, just because your son might be 13 years old do you really want him watching some of that Pg13 stuff? Then there are films such as Schindler’s List that have an R rating but tell a story that every kid when mature enough and ready should learn so that it never happens again. All boils down to responsible, thoughtful parenting, not easy but worth it… Funny to hear what a little rebel you were though, never would have guessed that based on your writings. Thanks for sharing this, good post!