When we moved into our current house, we were excited about the large lawn in the front and the back yards. At the time, a little voice in the back of my head kept saying, “Hey – that is a lot of grass…you sure about this?”
But I quieted the voice by reminding myself that I had four strapping young sons who could help keep it maintained.
About two years later we hired a lawn service. We were just too busy, and we had sports on Saturdays, and it was too hot, and we were our of town a lot, yada, yada, yada. It was really nice to have someone else come and cut the grass, and haul away the trimmings. Even better, I was the Good Guy, and my sons were relieved of that duty.
Then I remembered something: I love my sons. So I fired the lawn guy.
Since then, we have worked through a variety of ways to help them get the job done. Sometimes it has gone smoothly, sometimes I end up doing it myself, and sometimes the grass just gets a little long.
Through the process of working through this chore with my sons, I noticed a sort of hierarchy of involvement that has wide-ranging application. For example:
1) Fearing the Wrath of Dad
Sometimes, mowing the lawn is a contest of wills. “Dad, can it wait? I’m tired, busy, etc.”
Occasionally this would end with a stern, “You WILL mow the lawn, or suffer the consequences.”
Result? Mission accomplished: The grass got cut. Begrudgingly.
2) Let’s Make a Deal
There were times when we bribed the boys with money, (allowance) or leveraged the chore with something they wanted. It worked most of the time.
Result? Mission accomplished: The grass got cut, and the boys were happy to get their reward. (This system was short-lived however, because we realized that paying the kids to do family chores conflicted with the next possible option.)
3) The Miracle
Every now and again, I would come home to find the grass freshly cut – without my having asked or bribed. These were glorious memories that I will cherish until the day I die. Usually the reason was something as simple and resounding as, “I saw it needed to be done, so I did it.”
Result? Mission accomplished: The grass got cut, I was a happy dad, and so was the voluntary mower.
These three examples are not equal. They follow the pattern that is applicable to many things in our lives. Simply stated:
Good – Better – Best. (One of the all-time great General Conference talks had this title, and was given by Elder Dallin H. Oaks back in 2007.)
In all three examples, the end result was that the grass got cut, so the end result is not in dispute – as far as the grass in concerned. What is in dispute, is which method is of most worth. The motivation behind the act is what makes it more valuable. When this idea is applied to obedience, it might open our eyes to a better way.
Good: Being obedient because we have to. This would include under duress from parents, peer pressure, or guilt. Or fear. Fear of retribution was a great motivator for the children of Israel. You want to mouth off to your parents? Go ahead, but know that they have the all-clear to take you outside the walls of the city and stone you to death.
The Law of Moses was a harsh law, motivated very much living your life in a way to avoid punishment. The Pharisees in Christ’s day had a heyday browbeating the people for disobeying the law. (Yes, that is the first time I have ever typed the word “Heyday”.) Sometimes we find ourselves obeying God’s commandments for the same reason: Fear of reprisal, or negative consequences.
This idea is hinted at when we say, “I can’t do that, I’m Mormon.” (Rather than, “I don’t do that, I’m Mormon.”)
Yet, as any parent who has had to strong-arm their kid into going to church knows: It is better that they be there begrudgingly, rather than not be there at all – because at church, at least there is a chance of a collision with the Spirit.
Better: Being obedient because we get blessed. Now this is where we probably find ourselves most of the time. Want security? Pay tithing. Want endurance and health? Obey the Word of Wisdom. There are blessings attached to the commandments that can incentive us to obey – willingly.
Is God okay with this approach? Apparently – He is the author of the promised blessings that are attached to the commandments.
“There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.” (D&C 130:20-21)
Much like it was with my sons being rewarded for mowing the lawn, if we do what God asks us to do, He will bless us. The hope for blessings is a good motivator for obedience. Even the idea of becoming like God and having eternal families is a obedience/blessing equation.
Obedience and the quest for blessings is much, much better than obedience under duress. Why? Because it is voluntary, and built on faith – not fear of reprisal. The idea of belong blessed for obedience is more than just an idea – it is a law – a law that existed before this world was created. We are most definitely safe seeking blessings for our obedience. But is there something even better…?
Best: Being obedient simply because we love the Lord, and want to please and serve Him. Christ was short, sweet, and to the point when He taught:
“If ye love me, keep my commandments.” (John 14:15)
Pretty succinct, right? The way we show Christ our love is to keep His commandments. If we choose not to keep the commandments, we are showing Christ that we do not love Him.
Anytime my kids mow the lawn, clean the house, or stand up and just start doing the dishes without being asked, I see that as a sign of love. I imagine that God probably feels the same way when we are quick to obey – without fear, without leverage, or even without a “what’s in it for me?” mentality.
Obedience driven by blessings, while acceptable, is still self-focused. It is about me, me, me. What do I get out of the deal? Much of our mission in life is to get out of that mindset, and look towards others. Obedience driven by love of Christ is not self-focused – rather It is focused on the Savior, and the “least of these” whom He has asked us to serve. (Matthew 25:40)
One of the great beauties of obedience born of love is that the blessings that follow still come – even though that is not what we are after. Do we love the Savior enough to follow Him with no expectations? Is our love that pure?
Good – Better – Best. What is my motivation for obedience? I find that at times I am in all three of these categories. I’m not proud to admit that occasionally I obey out of fear for the chaos that could ensue if I don’t do what I know that I am supposed to do. I also know that I am highly motivated to obey in a quest for blessings – both on earth and in heaven. Laying up treasures? You bet!
Thankfully, I recognize that sometimes my obedience is simply because I know that it is what the Lord wants of me. Being “quick to observe” builds momentum in my life, and I find that the more I focus on pleasing God, and then less I worry about the consequence – good or bad – the easier it is for me to get on with it and do what I need to do.
PS: I mowed the lawn yesterday. By myself. One son was at a scout overnighter, the other helping do some service elsewhere.
PPS: Here is a great talk by Elder Bednar that he gave at BYU a few years back: “Quick to Observe.”
This is really late, but another motivator for the Best category is simply that you love the work.
So I plan on using this in conjunction with President Uchtdorf’s talk, He Will Place You on His Shoulders and Carry You Home. Hope that’s ok. Your insights carry me through, do you know that? Thanks for being my friend.
EXCELLENT insight. This is very applicable to everyone’s life. It is okay to start with good, as long as you’re doing SOMETHING. But work your way up to better. Then, our life goal, as you said, do the best.
As I consider the idea you have written about in this post, I again find myself thinking of one of my favorite Doctrine and Covenants verses in Section 45. After declaring Himself to be our Advocate, Jesus then tells us that His main defense of us will be to remind Father of His suffering, death, and shed blood (vs 3-4). Then He will turn to us and say: “Wherefore, Father, spare these my brethren that believe on my name, that they may come unto me and have everlasting life” (v 5). What you have described here is the crux of Christ’s statement. We show Him that we “believe on [His] name” when we are obedient without Him asking us–when we do so out of love instead of fear or thought of reward as you have expressed.
Charity is defined by Mormon as the “pure love of Christ” (Moroni 7:47) and it is so much more than just giving something to someone else. When we cultivate this characteristic within us, we are more likely to be forgiving of others and obedient to the Savior out of love than the other two scenarios. In this purist sense, we are not “earning” our way into heaven (as we are sometimes accused of teaching), but rather, expressing our love to Father and our Elder Brother which puts us in a better position to receive Christ’s grace–which makes up for what we lack. When we do the things that shows the Savior that we truly “believe on [are attached to or unified with]” His name, we are refined in a way that truly shows forth His image in our countenances.
Thanks for the reminder and putting it in a way that I could definitely relate to even though I no longer have a lawn (drought and increased water prices in my neck of the woods–plenty of other chores to do around the house though).
The way I taught this principle to my own children and to many Primary classes–doing something out of fear of negative consequences–Telestial level; looking forward to a reward–Terrestrial level; doing it just because it’s right–Celestial level!
Wanted to let you know i used you potatoes and indexing/family history in analogy in a stake RS meeting tonight. It was a big hit and a number of people told me they would remember it everytime they ate potatoes! Thanks for your great posts
Nice! I had potatoes tonight, and it didn’t even cross my mind.
I know I’ve said this before, but the idea of being obedient out of love is one of the most powerful lessons I feel I learned from you. Love you!
Thanks, Sweetie. I love you!
I love that your comment came not because you were afraid you would no longer get to come to Sunday dinner, that it was unsolicited, unpaid, and out of love. Good teaching and better learning going on there!
P. S. I love the Elder Bednar talk, too.
I love that talk too and think of it often. I fall in the “better” category more than I should. I am going to try to do better. Doing things just because I love the Lord is something I need to strive for more. Thank you for the reminder.