I caved.
All of the lottery hype this past week finally got to me. Even though I know if conflicts with one of the 10 Commandments, “Thou shalt not covet,” I gave into the temptation. I spent the morning lying in bed dreaming about what I would do if I would have won the $1.6 billion dollar power ball lottery.
I’m only human.
I decided that as a penance, I should share my list of things i would do with the money with you. To show you that, I too, struggle with coveting. Here goes. (They are ion no particular order.)
• Hire Steve Perry to rejoin Journey for a one-off concert at our next ward party.
• Get someone to fix the leaky faucet in the bathroom.
• Hire Kiefer Sutherland to take care of this who “ISIS thing” once and for all.
• Make a legit movie about Alma the Younger and the Sons of Mosiah – but I would get Mel Gibson to direct it. Then, I would pay off the ratings board to get a PG-13 rating, since the Ammon scenes wold be pretty grisly.
• Buy a private island in the Caribbean. Nah. I have to teach Sunday School every week, so the commute would be terrible.
• Get a couple skin tags removed. (tmi?)
• Put billboards all over the country explaining why people should’t play the lottery. (I enjoy irony)
• Call different investment guys I know, then say, “Just kidding.”
• Disconnect my home phone, and only user burner phones I get from the convenience store.
• Pay for the top level automatic car wash.
• Write a book, then give a million people enough money to buy it, the brag about being on the NYT Bestsellers list.
• Have Bobby Flay come cook lunch for me and my friends, but make him do it without any prep help.
• Start my own brand of ice cream, and only sell it to people who I have personally screened and approved as worthy ice cream aficionados. An “ice cream recommend,” if you will.
• Get my EC’s car detailed.
• Hire the world’s top scientists to figure out a way to stop our dog from smelling so bad.
• Purchase all the tickets to random Book of Mormon musical performances, then, when the cast comes on stage, I would make a little bonfire out of the ticket stubs.
• Hire a proofreader for my blog. Nah.
• Buy Miracle Whip from Kraft Foods…and immediately cease production. Why? Because it is an abomination to all things tasty.
• Final answer? I’d what my EC tells me to do with it.
I should probably stop, or people are going to start buying lottery tickets and sending them to me so that I can win.
I like this one: “Pay for the top level automatic car wash.”
Oh Steve Perry as your first <3 couldn't agree more !
I like Miracle Whip. And I am a normal person.That was a challenge our first year of marriage. Mayonnaise or Miracle Whip. Sweet or Dill Pickles. Butter or Blue Bonnet. Instant potatoes or mashed made with real spuds. We’ve made it 37 years with a fridge full of condiments.
Ditto Death to Miracle Whip (what’s miraculous about it?) Ditto “just kidding” to the financial advisor. Glad I wasn’t drinking milk when I read that last one. 🙂
When I was a child I ate as a child and I enjoyed Miracle Whip. It is sort of like mayonnaise with lots of added sweetener and a little extra vinegar. Now, if you spread it on my favorite sandwich I would go hungry rather than eat it. I only allow Hellman’s mayonnaise (Best Foods in the west) to dress my savory treats.
Loved this post. You rock! And Miracle Whip (a wanna-be mayonnaise) IS the worst!
When I saw one of those going around Facebook, my answer was that I would buy a pack of gum, hire someone to figure out how I got the ticket in the first place, and then treat the rest as a stewardship, turning it into income-producing businesses and properties to fund philanthropic work. Your post today inspires me that at least part of the philanthropic work could be educating people about the evils of relying on something outside of themselves to make fundamental changes to their lives, and giving away their fundamental power to change themselves and their situation through the proper exercise of their agency.
Like Dave, I went in on an office pool several years ago when the prize got big. the dream started with….What would I do if I won?
Then I thought….oh, no, what if I won?
what would I say to my young men that I teach every Sunday?
what would I say to my children?
How disappointed would my grand mother be?
Could I really enjoy something that I did not earn? (key word – joy)
I was a wreck for 3 days until the drawing was over. cured me of buying tickets.
Now, can I still dream of what I would do with that kind of money? planes, trucks and a cabin in the mountains (big enough for all of my kids and their kids, as well as a camp ground for scouts) come to mind, as well as finishing the remodel on our empty nest….but right now I am earning the money for the remodel, and I find joy in that. but getting rid of miracle whip could be a valid reason….
There is a place called Prunedale, near the Monterey Bay. We affectionately call it Prunetucky, but I am only 5 mins to the beach, so theres that. It is, however 2 hours to the Oakland Temple. There is a lovely 10 acre lot next door, on a hill. Perfect site for one of those smaller tempes.
HA!! Ditto on the Miracle Whip! It’s an abomination.
Maybe change dog food brands?
Loved the 24 reference ….
Your list triggered a daydream of my own…. I think I would buy and endless supply of socks and wear new ones everyday. There is something about a pair of socks fresh from the package.
(But I doubt I could really bring myself to do it …. even with billions).
We’ve been through dozens of brands, types, etc.
I have bought 1 lottery ticket in my life. 20 years ago when Idaho had over 100 million payout. I was talking to my employees and all of them were putting money in a pool and one was going to drive to Idaho and buy all the tickets and if one won they would all split it. I figured they would all quit and I wouldn’t have any employees so I went in on it also. That way we could all quit. So I see it as an insurance policy – not a lottery ticket 😉
My stochastics professor in college (who had apparently spent a long time studying gambling and casinos) said that lotteries were simply a tax on people who were bad at math.
?
I’d offer to proofread your blog posts for free 😉
You had me until the Miracle Whip comment. That may just sever our relationship.
Ok.
There’s a place called Prunedale?!?
We don’t have Miracle Whip here in the UK. But I going to Florida next month, so will be sure to buy some so that I can see whether I agree with you about. What is it, anyway? Do I make desserts with it? Put in on a salad? Smooth it on my face for a better complexion?
I blogged on this very subject a few years ago and came to a similar conclusion to you. http://annajonesbuttimore.blogspot.co.uk/2009/05/taking-gamble.html
EC says we would pay off the bills as far as it goes, lol. 2015 was banner crappy year for medical bills. After getting shafted by Obamacare the year before. Really, though, I am not sure what I would do if I came into that kind of money. Pay off my house, buy my kids a house. Drive something newer than a 2001 Windstar with 190K miles on it. Travel like crazy. Go on 14 missions. Build a temple here in Prunedale. An around the world cruise…tho I suppose that goes in the Travel category. Figure out a way to give the rest away, I suppose.
But, I dont play. I figure I only have a slightly smaller chance of winning without buying the ticket, and I get to keep my buck. Bonus! I will send it to one of Megs Doctors.
This is great! Thanks for the laugh!!
This made me laugh out loud! You re a smart guy. Only intelligent people can be so funny