(Yes, those are two guys rappelling down a cliff to save a lost sheep. It isn’t always as easy as wandering around a beautiful meadow until you find it, and carrying it lovingly back in your arms.)
Last week in our brand-spanking new Elder’s Quorum we were discussing…wait for it…Ministering! The conversation was good, well-directed and we were talking about how we need to be willing to let people into our lives to minister to us. One of my favorite people in the ward responded with one word:
“Why?”
It was a real question. It is a legit question. Why do we need to let people into our lives to minister and serve us, especially if we don’t want it? That question it forces us to take a look at a paradox in our gospel lives and learning.
The paradox: All of our lives we are taught to be spiritually self-reliant, yet at the same time we are taught to let others into our lives and help us spiritually. Which is it? Self-reliant, or dependent?
This paradox can take us down a weird road that presents even more questions, for example: If I am trying to be spiritually self-reliant, can I tell church people to just leave me alone? Can I “opt-out” of being ministered to if I feel I’m on the right path?
I know that people ask these questions, because I have heard them, and thought them at times.
(At this point we could enter into a discussion about determining and individual’s specific needs, but I figure we will hear that a lot in the coming months/years.)
Instead, I would rather attack this paradox at the root by making the case that it is based on a false premise. Specifically:
Spiritual self-reliance is a myth.
Yes, I know that there are oodles of conference talks and articles that talk about spiritual and temporal self-reliance. I am not disputing them. If you dig in and look, the most common connotation of spiritual self-reliance is that we need to have and rely on our own testimonies, and not rely on other’s for that important spiritual asset. Essentially, it is a quest for “Testimonial self-reliance.”
Then how is spiritual self-reliance a myth? Because we cannot maintain the level of spirituality that will lead us to exaltation by ourselves. It is impossible.
First of all, (the obvious) without God, Christ and the Holy Ghost, our quest for spirituality will come up empty. We need to have a relationship with all three members of the Godhead. We pray to the Father, Christ atoned for our sins, and the Holy Ghost purifies us and guides us. Claiming a sense of spirituality without them in the equation is a fool’s errand.
But it also applies in a more “mortal” aspect.
Without those who hold priesthood keys, there would be no ordinances that allow us to draw on the saving power of the Atonement, or the Gift of the Holy Ghost. We are dependent on those key holders, but we are also dependent on others. You know those cute little deacons that will pass the sacrament to you today? Them. The young men who bless, and prepare the sacrament to us each Sunday? Them, too. If it weren’t for them making the ordinance of the sacrament available to us weekly, we would be “filthy still” (D&C 88:35).
No ordinance, no sacrament, no sanctification, no purity, no companionship of the Holy Ghost. In short, we rely on the priesthood to provide the means to maintain our spirituality. That’s how the Lord runs His Kingdom. And priesthood requires people.
W. Somerset Maughan wrote in “The Razor’s Edge” that “it is easy to be a holy man on the top of a mountain.” I believe that to be another myth. I cannot be a hermit on a mountain top, or in a cabin in the woods and claim to be spiritually clean and close to God. That is not how He set it up the program. Spirituality requires actions like ordinances, service, charity, etc. Those things all require other people – that is how the Lord set it up. The door to spirituality is much like the door to the bridegroom chamber, where the Lord answered those who didn’t do things His way, “Verily I say unto you, I know you not” (Matthew 25:12).
Without digging in deeper, I hope you accept the paradox and the myth enough to keep reading. The myth is important because it dispels the paradox: If we accept that spiritual self-reliance is a myth, then we accept the fact that we cannot do it alone. Once we get that…
The paradox ceases to exist.
Without the paradox the next question might be, “Then why do I need ministered to?” The answer is different for everyone. Some of us need a TON of ministering, some of us hardly any.
If you feel that ministering is something that you would just rather not receive, then you might ask “If I don’t want it, what’s in it for me?”
Here’s a thought: “It’s not always about you, ya know.”
If we don’t want to be ministered to, it does not mean that something good will not come from when it happens, regardless. Case in point:
A couple of years ago they made it possible to pay fast offerings online. I have never done it. Instead I let the deacons come to my house every month and patiently wait for me to fill out the form and put it with my check in the blue envelope. Old school.
Would it be quicker and easier to pay online? Absolutely. (Even finding the checkbook is getting harder and harder!)
Then why? Because if I pay online, I deny our deacons an opportunity to perform a priesthood duty and serve others. It is not about me. I raised four sons and loved driving them around to collect fast offerings – just on principle. I wanted them to experience priesthood service, in all its inconvenient glory.
Convenient is not always best.
Over the years we have had some home teachers that are better than others. Sometimes the relationships are strong, others not so much. There have been times where we needed service, or a blessing, and felt it would be much easier to just call on one of my friends or a family member to come assist, rather than call on the HT.
Easier is not always best.
Other times, I took the road less comfortable and called on my home teacher, even though there were easier and more familiar options available. Why? I wanted to let them fulfill their calling, and I wanted to give more heft to our relationship so it could develop into something where they might actually become my “go-to” guys.
Comfortable is not always best.
Receiving ministering graciously can bless the lives of both the minister and the ministee – both giver and receiver.
As usual, the Lord points it out much more clearly:
“For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift? Behold, he rejoices not in that which is given unto him, neither rejoices in him who is the giver of the gift.” (D&C 88:33)
In the previous verses, the Lord explains that those in the Telestial Kingdom who weren’t “willing to receive” could have done much better for themselves if they had been (D&C 88:32)
Unless things have been changed up, I have a ministering brother, who with his son, have been faithful home teachers for years. They come monthly, usually with a message, and that’s fine. Where they really have blessed my life is when I call and ask if one of them could help me move a piano, or some other task, or give a blessing. They have always been quick to respond, and their willingness and availability been a blessing in our lives.
Would we have survived without them? Absolutely.
Would they survive without us? Absolutely.
Then what is the point? I have three:
The first point is that they serve us and help us when we call. More important that the monthly visits and lessons is this simple fact: I know they love us and will do anything they can to help us when we are in need. They know what is happening in our lives and are there for us.
That knowledge is a blessing for us – even when we don’t have cause to draw on it.
The second point is that by allowing them to serve us, we are helping them fulfill their priesthood duty, and that kind of service blesses the giver as well as the receiver. We have watched a young awkward teacher become a young man, ready to finish high school. I’m sure that fulfilling his duty by visiting our family has helped him better understand concepts such as service and stewardship. I care about them.
The third, and final point: Those who are performing duties as assigned by their priesthood key holder are entitled to revelation regarding that assigned task. In this case, that would be us. Our ministering brother is entitled to inspiration when he counsels with us, or blesses us, that my other friends in the ward do not possess. It is another one of the benefits of working within the system the Lord has set up in his Kingdom.
In summary:
• Spiritual Self-Reliance is a myth. I am dependent on others for my salvation.
• If I don’t feel a need to be ministered to, I need to acknowledge that it isn’t always about me, and do it anyway.
• Assigned ministers are entitled to inspiration to bless my life.
• “Opting Out” of ministering (giving or receiving) is opting out of the Lord’s way of doing things. Never a good idea.
These new changes in the way we minister are causing some great discussions, and a lot of thinking. Hopefully it will translate into action.
Amen to all! Stephen Robinson said, “The heart and soul of the gospel is love, all the rest is commentary.”
Back to basics. ☺️
Just thinking. Without priesthood, no ordinances, but also no covenants.
With so many turning away from organized religion, I’ve often thought about why we need a church. This post captures a major part of the reason. While we make the choice whether to receive salvation, we cannot receive it without others.
I think one of the things we miss about self-reliance in all its forms, but especially spiritual, is that it is supposed to be a “temporary” thing. It is for emergencies when other help is NOT available and we need to be able to hang on until help arrives. And it is to ensure that we have as much capacity as possible to help others.
I’ve lived in a tornado zone for 15 years, and on April 27, 2011 my area got hit by multiple tornadoes that left a very large area without power for almost a week. My house was undamaged and the first thing I did was check on the neighbors. The next thing I did was drive the EQP around the ward to check on people we couldn’t contact (little to no cell service) because I had just filled up my car and had another I could drain fuel from. And my food storage meant that my family had enough to eat and to share – until help arrived and normal function returned. My temporal self-reliance is all based on being able to weather the storm and survive until help arrives and we are able to set things right again.
I see spiritual self-reliance the same way. That strong testimony can keep us going through heavy trials for a while, but all of us have our limits. And one of the main things they teach in any good 1st Aid class is “and then get them to proper medical care”. Spiritual self-reliance is like being physically healthy and carrying a 1st Aid kit – when we get hurt we can survive until we are able to get to proper spiritual care.
Excellent post! We live in a small branch with large boundaries and there are many excuses to not do various things because of the small numbers and the inconvenience of travel. I hope that the ministering thing does not get blown off the the Elders. It would be too easy to just do things the “same old way.”
Bravo
I love this! It struck me as I read your article that ministering also helps us become one. Sometimes I have a need and you have a resource to fill it, other times, it’s the other way around. If we never needed anyone else, we wouldn’t become one with those in our families, wards, neighborhoods, etc. “Be one, and if ye are not one, ye are not mine.”
Once, years ago, when I was the RS pres in a singles ward, my presidency and I gave a lesson about self-reliance. We each took a different aspect: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. I couldn’t find a single scripture reference about spiritual self-reliance. If you look up “rely” or “reliance” all you find are situations and people who failed and/or were condemned because they relied on themselves. My radical conclusion was that we need to rely on the Lord, not ourselves. During that time I was pretty self-reliant and arguably not in need of much ministry myself but I remember feeling such relief each time my visiting teachers came. What a blessing it was to have someone care about my needs and minister to me instead of being the person who was doing all the ministering.
After my brother passed away, through a series of “coincidences”, my sister-in-law ended up with the mission president and a general authority 70 in her home. After they were finished with their purpose for visiting the 70 asked if she needed anything. As they talked about the sudden passing of my brother he gave her some counsel and a blessing. One of the things he told her was that when someone offers service be sure to accept it-and you’ll both be blessed. That has helped me set aside my “self-reliance” pride.
I learned long ago some of the greatest “ministering” before it was called that, is to allow ourselves to receive. How can anyone give if no one will receive. And it our responsibility to receive graciously.
My mom tried to teach me some of this when I had a VTer who was active but never came to visit me, and she suggested that maybe I should offer to come to her house to be taught. I never did- I thought she ought to at least try to show some effort and I didn’t really need to be VT anyway (my pride on both counts!)- but I wonder what the outcome would’ve been…
However, I for one have whole-heartedly embraced the online payments of tithes and offerings (just wish I could connect a credit card to it instead of a bank account for the reward points), but then, we live in Virginia (and Arkansas before that) and never once in my 38-year lifetime of church activity have I seen anyone come to collect it. It just isn’t done, I guess, because of the geographical spread of the wards and the small quorum memberships.
We’ve lived in branches that are small in population and large in geographical areas and I’ve felt that the leaders who decide that it’s just too far to drive to collect fast offerings are doing a grave disservice to the young men. Our two youngest sons never got the opportunity to collect fast offerings, or take the sacrament to shut-ins, or any other kind of priesthood service or ministering. They are now both inactive. We did all we could at home, but sometimes it is in priesthood service that testimonies are grown and strengthened. I would have gladly driven them all over creation for the chance to let them feel the joy of doing their duty.
There are challenges to living and serving in an area with large LDS populations and challenges living and serving where saints are few and far between. No doubt we can prayerfully receive individual inspiration as to the solutions.
I love what you shared…especially the point about personal revelation…and the other comments. In addition, I believe that if we are humble and teachable, we can learn from every person we interact with…whether we minister to them or they minister to us. I am not always humble enough to allow that to happen but I am trying to be more meek and humble.
The hardest thing I ever did was lay on my couch while my visiting teacher mopped all the Apple juice off my kitchen floor and cleaned out my fridge. It has month since a minor medical procedure, but the anesthetic had left me still loopy and week. Husband was working 18 hour days, and three little ones took all my engergy. She asked me at RS how I was doing, and I replied, “Fine .” She told me she was coming over that afternoon, so find her something to do. She taught a young mother was service was about. I will always be grateful for her.
What a great lesson. I love that she told you she was coming over, even when you gave the easy answer that you were fine. We all need to be willing to dig a little deeper to really see how our sisters and brothers are doing.
Excellent thoughts, MMM. I am continually awed by how you voice my thoughts and put them to paper.
I thought of that “it’s not about me” thing several years ago when a few of my active friends decided there was nothing at Church for them anymore. They had heard the same lessons all of their lives and they had been there, done that. Of course, so much can be said here, but… Ti tiebthis together-i thought maybe it’s about what you can give not just what you get.
Great points to ponder today from your written word. Thanks.
I have two visiting teachers who are both single mothers, one of whom is a Venezuelan refugee with a special-needs son. Already, it’s hard for me to ask them for things–they have much harder rows to hoe than me on a regular basis. Because of their restrictive schedules, they have often only been available to visit me during the most inconvenient hour on Sunday (after my EQP husband finally comes home from meetings), and certainly aren’t available mid-week or during the day if I need help. I’ve told my husband several times that a part of me wishes we could simply visit over text, because the VT service they want to render is almost a burden to me, and he finally said, “That may be true–but they need to be blessed for their service. Perhaps your allowing them to come even when it’s inconvenient will provide that blessing for all of you.” So I tried to shift my attitude about them coming over to share a message, even if it felt frustrating and stilted. And then during their last visit, one sister offered a prayer specifically for my husband, who is still mourning the death of a brother and whose faith has taken a hit for the past few years, and the spirit was so powerful in my home because of her faith and her concern for me expressed in her prayer, that it softened my heart greatly concerning ministering and watchcare. I felt for the moment that if just one person prayed that way for me and my family every day, I could face anything.
Megan, thank you for sharing. That was so beautiful.
“…her concern for me expressed in her prayer, that it softened my heart greatly concerning ministering and watchcare. I felt for the moment that if just one person prayed that way for me and my family every day, I could face anything.”
This. This is ministering. ?
Epic example. Is there one of us who don’t need more people to pray for us?
Thank you for reminding me that it’s not about me. It’s about the opportunity for those who serve to receive the blessings as well. ❤
Thanks for teaching me today. This was excellent!
I think your third and final point is such an important part of why the church is now moving to this idea of ministering. I don’t think it is any coincidence that President Nelson’s significant talk was on revelation. The two doctrines of ministering and revelation are very strongly linked. The Lord wants us to have a reason to ask, seek, knock so that we find answers to our questions and concerns. Performing day-to-day / week-to-week / month-to-month ministering – truly trying to understand the current needs of those sheep that we have been called to find and assist – is a very good reason to seek for revelation, and thus an opportunity to practice and cultivate the processes of obtaining it.