Dispelling a “Cuddly” Gospel Myth: God Loves All of Us the Same

Note: I wrote this post before hearing of President Nelson’s passing and initially decided to hold it until later. But, as I thought about it, I changed my mind. This post deals extensively with teachings from President Nelson, and I consider it part of my personal testimony that his teachings will outlive him. He will be sorely missed.

Another Note: There are some gospel concepts that I have encountered as of late that are sweet and cuddly, but not doctrinally sound. I plan on addressing some of them. This is the first.

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How many movies have you seen with car chases? I’ve seen a LOT of them. The same trope happens in almost all of them: Right at the climactic moment, the hero somehow shifts into an “extra” gear and speeds to victory. Sure, it’s unrealistic, but it’s dramatic.

I would like to apply that extra gear to how I feel about love.

Ask any parent which of their children they love the most, and you will usually get the some variation of the answer: “I love them all equally.”

My reflexive answer is the same, but I don’t really buy it.

From my experience with five grown kids, I’ve reached some conclusions:

1. I love all of my kids more than I ever imagined possible.
2. My capacity to love grew with each new addition to the family.
3. You could say that I love all of them the same at a certain “baseline” of love.

But love is not stagnant; it ebbs and flows. There are times when I feel that my love for one of my kids kicks into that “extra” gear. This has happened when one of them is suffering, particularly when they are going through an emotional or physical crisis. For example, several times I have stood next to a hospital bed, as one of my children suffered. That kicks me into that “extra” gear, and I feel my love for them expand. You might have experienced that, too.

This does not mean I love any of my other children less. This is not a zero-sum game, where an increase in love for one causes a decrease for the others. Rather, when one of my children is struggling, my heart goes out to them, and my capacity to love them increases. The additional love is shown through prayer, faith, concern, and a desire to provide anything and everything possible to help them through their struggle. This has played out many times in my thirty-seven years of fatherhood.

There is another situation when my love towards a child kicks into that “extra” gear. When they show an increase of love, respect, obedience, or help to me, my wife, or others, I feel my heart swell, and I find that “extra” gear. It manifests in increased trust, freedom, and respect.

Love begets love. It is not stagnant, nor does it reach a point of “maximum” love. There is always another gear.

I explain these feelings as a father to help explain…

The Point:

Heavenly Father and Jesus love all of us. Period.

There is absolutely no argument on my part. I agree that there is a baseline level of love that the Father has for all of his children. President Nelson refers to it as a divine, perfect, infinite and universal love. (link) Heavenly Father and Jesus love us all.

Yet, do they love us all the same? No.

I understand why the idea that we are all loved equally is appealing. It is cuddly, warm and feels good. Unfortunately, it is incorrect.

It is clear through scripure and the words of the living prophets that God does not love all of His children the same. There are varying levels – extra gears – if you will. Those extra levels of Heavenly Father’s love are conditional, based on our needs, and what we do. Not everyone receives it. It is reserved for those who earn it. I will let the prophets dive deeper into how that works later, but first..

Why It Matters:

Embracing the idea that God already loves all of us with the maximum amount is self-defeating and self-limiting. There is so much more that God desires to bless us with. Blessings and gifts await us, both in mortality and eternally.

If we think we are done—that we’ve already “arrived”—we lose motivation to reach for those additional blessings and eternal rewards. We are, effectively, stating that we are satisfied to live below our privileges.

It is easy to say, “It doesn’t matter what I do because Jesus loves me.” It is true that Jesus loves us, but how many blessings and how much joy – now and eternally – will be left on the table if we are content to settle for the “baseline” of God’s love. There is so much more to be had.

If we choose to move towards receiving more of God’s love, then it basically comes down to one word: obedience.

The idea of God’s love being “unconditional” is also incorrect. Scripture after scripture teaches us that the love of God is an if/then proposition. I have listed some of those scriptures to help clarify this common misunderstanding.

Moving the other direction, Jesus makes it quite clear that if we are not obedient, we will actually lose Heavenly Father’s love.

In the simplest terms, when we do God’s will, His love for us increases – and don’t we all want that?

Supporting Scriptures and Words From Living Prophets:

“While divine love can be called perfect, infinite, enduring, and universal, it cannot correctly be characterized as unconditional. The word does not appear in the scriptures. On the other hand, many verses affirm that the higher levels of love the Father and the Son feel for each of us—and certain divine blessings stemming from that love—are conditional.” Russell M. Nelson

“If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.” John 15:10

“If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him.” John 14:23

“If you keep not my commandments, the love of the Father shall not continue with you.” D&C 95:12

“I love them that love me; and those that seek me … shall find me.” Proverbs 8:17

“He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.” John 14:21

“And he loveth those who will have him to be their God.” 1 Nephi 17:40

“The Savior loves us always but especially when we repent.” Russell M. Nelson

“The full flower of divine love and our greatest blessings from that love are conditional—predicated upon our obedience to eternal law.” Russell M. Nelson

“Because God’s love is all-embracing, some speak of it as “unconditional,” and in their minds they may project that thought to mean that God’s blessings are “unconditional” and that salvation is “unconditional.” They are not. Some are wont to say, “The Savior loves me just as I am,” and that is certainly true. But He cannot take any of us into His kingdom just as we are.” D. Todd Christofferson

“There are many ways to describe and speak of divine love. One of the terms we hear often today is that God’s love is “unconditional.” While in one sense that is true, the descriptor unconditional appears nowhere in scripture. Rather, His love is described in scripture as “great and wonderful love,” “perfect love,” “redeeming love,” and “everlasting love.” These are better terms because the word unconditional can convey mistaken impressions about divine love, such as, God tolerates and excuses anything we do because His love is unconditional, or God makes no demands upon us because His love is unconditional, or all are saved in the heavenly kingdom of God because His love is unconditional. God’s love is infinite and it will endure forever, but what it means for each of us depends on how we respond to His love.” D. Todd Christofferson

“Once we make a covenant with God, we leave neutral ground forever. God will not abandon His relationship with those who have forged such a bond with Him. In fact, all those who have made a covenant with God have access to a special kind of love and mercy.” Russell M. Nelson

“Even God’s love, although infinite and perfect, is also subject to conditions. For example: “If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.” Kevin S. Hamilton

The entire talk “Divine Love” by Russell M. Nelson

I plan on posting my General Conference notes next week. Join me!