Note: I wrote this post before hearing of President Nelson’s passing and initially decided to hold it until later. But, as I thought about it, I changed my mind. This post deals extensively with teachings from President Nelson, and I consider it part of my personal testimony that his teachings will outlive him. He will be sorely missed.
Another Note: There are some gospel concepts that I have encountered as of late that are sweet and cuddly, but not doctrinally sound. I plan on addressing some of them. This is the first.
How many movies have you seen with car chases? I’ve seen a LOT of them. The same trope happens in almost all of them: Right at the climactic moment, the hero somehow shifts into an “extra” gear and speeds to victory. Sure, it’s unrealistic, but it’s dramatic.
I would like to apply that extra gear to how I feel about love.
Ask any parent which of their children they love the most, and you will usually get the some variation of the answer: “I love them all equally.”
My reflexive answer is the same, but I don’t really buy it.
From my experience with five grown kids, I’ve reached some conclusions:
- I love all of my kids more than I ever imagined possible.
- My capacity to love grew with each new addition to the family.
- You could say that I love all of them the same at a certain “baseline” of love.
But love is not stagnant; it ebbs and flows. There are times when I feel that my love for one of my kids kicks into that “extra” gear. This has happened when one of them is suffering, particularly when they are going through an emotional or physical crisis. For example, several times I have stood next to a hospital bed, as one of my children suffered. That kicks me into that “extra” gear, and I feel my love for them expand. You might have experienced that, too.
This does not mean I love any of my other children less. This is not a zero-sum game, where an increase in love for one causes a decrease for the others. Rather, when one of my children is struggling, my heart goes out to them, and my capacity to love them increases. The additional love is shown through prayer, faith, concern, and a desire to provide anything and everything possible to help them through their struggle. This has played out many times in my thirty-seven years of fatherhood.
There is another situation when my love towards a child kicks into that “extra” gear. When they show an increase of love, respect, obedience, or help to me, my wife, or others, I feel my heart swell, and I find that “extra” gear. It manifests in increased trust, freedom, and respect.
Love begets love. It is not stagnant, nor does it reach a point of “maximum” love. There is always another gear.
I explain these feelings as a father to help explain…
The Point:
Heavenly Father and Jesus love all of us. Period.
There is absolutely no argument on my part. I agree that there is a baseline level of love that the Father has for all of his children. President Nelson refers to it as a divine, perfect, infinite and universal love. (link) Heavenly Father and Jesus love us all.
Yet, do they love us all the same? No.
I understand why the idea that we are all loved equally is appealing. It is cuddly, warm and feels good. Unfortunately, it is incorrect.
It is clear through scripure and the words of the living prophets that God does not love all of His children the same. There are varying levels – extra gears – if you will. Those extra levels of Heavenly Father’s love are conditional, based on our needs, and what we do. Not everyone receives it. It is reserved for those who earn it. I will let the prophets dive deeper into how that works later, but first..
Why It Matters:
Embracing the idea that God already loves all of us with the maximum amount is self-defeating and self-limiting. There is so much more that God desires to bless us with. Blessings and gifts await us, both in mortality and eternally.
If we think we are done—that we’ve already “arrived”—we lose motivation to reach for those additional blessings and eternal rewards. We are, effectively, stating that we are satisfied to live below our privileges.
It is easy to say, “It doesn’t matter what I do because Jesus loves me.” It is true that Jesus loves us, but how many blessings and how much joy – now and eternally – will be left on the table if we are content to settle for the “baseline” of God’s love. There is so much more to be had.
If we choose to move towards receiving more of God’s love, then it basically comes down to one word: obedience.
The idea of God’s love being “unconditional” is also incorrect. Scripture after scripture teaches us that the love of God is an if/then proposition. I have listed some of those scriptures to help clarify this common misunderstanding.
Moving the other direction, Jesus makes it quite clear that if we are not obedient, we will actually lose Heavenly Father’s love.
In the simplest terms, when we do God’s will, His love for us increases – and don’t we all want that?
Supporting Scriptures and Words From Living Prophets:
“While divine love can be called perfect, infinite, enduring, and universal, it cannot correctly be characterized as unconditional. The word does not appear in the scriptures. On the other hand, many verses affirm that the higher levels of love the Father and the Son feel for each of us—and certain divine blessings stemming from that love—are conditional.” Russell M. Nelson
“If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.” John 15:10
“If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him.” John 14:23
“If you keep not my commandments, the love of the Father shall not continue with you.” D&C 95:12
“I love them that love me; and those that seek me … shall find me.” Proverbs 8:17
“He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.” John 14:21
“And he loveth those who will have him to be their God.” 1 Nephi 17:40
“The Savior loves us always but especially when we repent.” Russell M. Nelson
“The full flower of divine love and our greatest blessings from that love are conditional—predicated upon our obedience to eternal law.” Russell M. Nelson
“Because God’s love is all-embracing, some speak of it as “unconditional,” and in their minds they may project that thought to mean that God’s blessings are “unconditional” and that salvation is “unconditional.” They are not. Some are wont to say, “The Savior loves me just as I am,” and that is certainly true. But He cannot take any of us into His kingdom just as we are.” D. Todd Christofferson
“There are many ways to describe and speak of divine love. One of the terms we hear often today is that God’s love is “unconditional.” While in one sense that is true, the descriptor unconditional appears nowhere in scripture. Rather, His love is described in scripture as “great and wonderful love,” “perfect love,” “redeeming love,” and “everlasting love.” These are better terms because the word unconditional can convey mistaken impressions about divine love, such as, God tolerates and excuses anything we do because His love is unconditional, or God makes no demands upon us because His love is unconditional, or all are saved in the heavenly kingdom of God because His love is unconditional. God’s love is infinite and it will endure forever, but what it means for each of us depends on how we respond to His love.” D. Todd Christofferson
“Once we make a covenant with God, we leave neutral ground forever. God will not abandon His relationship with those who have forged such a bond with Him. In fact, all those who have made a covenant with God have access to a special kind of love and mercy.” Russell M. Nelson
“Even God’s love, although infinite and perfect, is also subject to conditions. For example: “If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.” Kevin S. Hamilton
The entire talk “Divine Love” by Russell M. Nelson
I plan on posting my General Conference notes next week. Join me!
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Hi Brad, this is the first ever of your posts that I have had a bone to pick with you. Know that I love you for your goodness and that’s not about to change. These are my feelings/beliefs and are subject to change based on whisperings of the Spirit….
My interpretations of the prophet’s words and scriptures are formed out of my personal experiences and understandings with just a little twist on this subject, perhaps. I associate many of my life experiences to my relationship with my Father in Heaven.
My definition of ‘unconditional’ means more like ‘always’ to me. I’m 70 years old, a life-long active member of the Church, have read all of the scriptures countless times. Before having any children, I didn’t like other peoples’ kids, and I worried that I might not like my own someday. But to my surprise, I was overwhelmed with the love I had for my firstborn and then worried I wouldn’t have enough to go around for my second. But I soon discovered that this parental love expanded for each additional child. And I DID love all my children the same, and I still do. (But I still am not crazy about other peoples’ kids until I get to know them!) Learning about this kind of love taught me that this is a small example of how our Parents in Heaven love us.
Now, does that mean that all of them got the same treatment? Of course not. I would have loved to have given each child the same gifts, same privileges, same responses, same attention. It was THEIR choices that necessitated the differences, though I still loved them all the same, whether they were sweet as honey or bitter as Pyribenzamine. They may have distanced themselves from me to the point that they could no longer feel my love for them, but it was still there. God loves the sinner and the saint, He’s just happier with the saint!
Story Example: The ultimate goal: Disneyland with Mom & Dad! How to reach that goal: Be obedient to Mom & Dad and follow each step on the list of activities to complete. Mom & Dad want each child to qualify! We love them all the same! But along the way during the year, only 2 qualified for Disneyland, 3 qualified for 2nd place prize of going to a local water park, 1 qualified for 3rd place, an over-nighter with their favorite aunt & uncle and cousins, and 1 lost out completely. All still were loved the same, BUT which kids had the exquisite experiences and pure joy of going with Mom & Dad to Disneyland and sharing that joy with them, feeling how much fun it was for Mom & Dad to watch the kids have all that fun?
“God’s love is infinite and it will endure forever (my ‘always’), but what it means for each of us depends on how WE (emphasis mine) respond to His love.” D. Todd Christofferson.
I loved my kids first, then they loved me. Just like God loved us first, and then we loved Him. And if my kids chose to stay close to me, obey me, and qualified for the gifts I had for them, they could then remain close to me and have more experiences with me to strengthen our relationship which the others could not know; thus, those who chose to obey and follow could “abide” in my love and feel more of it. I think the measurement of HOW MUCH love there is for each child is determined by how much they can feel it, determined by how close they are to me. And the same goes for how much joy I feel is determined by how close they are, but I don’t think it’s an actual increase in love. I may be wrong, and I will stand corrected as required by the Lord if and when it comes crashing down on me!
For me God’s love is infinite, eternal, and unconditional (nothing shall separate us from the love of God; the Savior loves both saints and sinners), but it doesn’t take the place of needing to qualify for the gifts He has in store for us. We distance ourselves through disobedience. Our choices make it possible for Him to bless us and be close to us, or makes it IMpossible for Him to bless us and be close to us. But His love is still there. His love is still pure, but like me when some of my children lost their way, His tears flow as His heart breaks, yet He never stops loving, and loving deeply.
One day one of my kids told me that God loved her and her boyfriend, and they loved each other SOOO much that there was no way God would separate them after death (even though they broke the commandments necessary for such blessings). Here I had to explain that yes, God loves you, but you must qualify for the blessings, and to qualify you have to follow His rules…that’s just the nature of the game! Thank heavens for repentance.
“Once we make a covenant with God, we leave neutral ground forever. God will not abandon His relationship with those who have forged such a bond with Him. In fact, all those who have made a covenant with God HAVE ACCESS (emphasis mine) to a special kind of love and mercy.” Russell M. Nelson
Not having ACCESS to His love doesn’t mean it’s not there. We just lock ourselves out where we cannot feel it and rejoice in it.
Try again to pursuade me? Be Nice!
Thank you for the well-thought-out and reasoned comment. I appreciate it. I have no desire to try to persuade you. My only comment would be that I provided a ton of scriptural and prophetic support for what I wrote. You have every right to interpret it as you see fit. Thanks again!
This reminds me of the old question: Are Mormons Christian? Back in the 1960’s, a professor at BYU wrote an essay entitled: Are Christians Mormon? He went over many theological points that have changed over the years in OTHER churches as our doctrines have seeped into the wider world. I think there is a fair amount of mixing going on. (I always laugh when I hear a minister of another congregation use our teachings!) Your points are excellent because we, as members of the church, have “allowed” other teachings from the world to creep into OUR doctrine. Maybe it’s from converts who never completely understood some of our teachings or like you say because it’s warm and fuzzy. There are many people who want this “unconditional” love because it’s SO much easier and it’s what we hear constantly from leaders of other churches. That’s why it’s so important to truly understand our doctrine, read our scriptures and pray over some of the difficult parts.
It also baffles me that in order to get to the viewpoint that love is “unconditional,” they have to walk past so many verses in the New Testament wearing a blindfold.
Brad, thank you for this post. While I understand this, it is lovely to have how you have written about it, and the quotes you included, to refer to and remember. I, too will miss Pres. Nelson! I pictured him being greeted by the Savior with a warm embrace and, “Welcom home, my true, trusted, treasured and beloved friend.”