Many years ago, at a seedy strip club in San Diego, California, I experienced one of the “Joseph Moments” that have shaped my life. No, there was no femme fatale trying to seduce me, but the basic lessons of the interaction between Joseph and Potiphar’s wife still apply: Finding strength to resist temptation, short-term negative consequences, long-term blessings from remaining valiant.
Come with me to 1990…
I sat in my rental car in the parking lot of said strip club and made a decision. It was impossible to know at the time that it would be a decision with a long-term impact on my life. It wasn’t clear to me until many years later, while looking in life’s rearview mirror. At the time, I was merely trying to get out of a jam I found myself in.
It is said that little hinges swing big doors.…
The year? 1990. We were a young family of three, in a new home, and happy as clams. I was quickly moving up the management ranks in a new warehouse-style office supply company. I quickly reached the point that the only positions above me were the COO (Chief Operating Officer) and the CEO. Things were going quite well, and I was chosen to prep for the grand opening of a new store in San Diego. Playing the part of Potiphar’s wife in this story was Jim, my boss and our new COO. He was coming to check on how things were shaping up for the grand opening.
My boss was an unknown quantity to me. He was new to the company and had replaced someone whom I really respected and enjoyed working with. It was with more than a little trepidation that I left the busy work site to pick him up at the airport. I wanted to impress him and show him how much we had been able to accomplish in the short time I had been there.
That afternoon, I picked him up curbside at the terminal and began heading back to the new store. He instructed me that we were making a detour and to take an exit, so I did.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Just pull in up ahead. We’ll make a quick stop, then we’ll get to work.”
I followed his instructions and turned into a parking lot—of a strip club.
My fingers gripped the steering wheel as a million thoughts ran through my head. I was out of my element. I had never darkened the door of a strip club and had no intention to start. Yet I was afraid of offending my new boss by coming off as self-righteous or judgmental. I had already gotten some flack about being “the Mormon” in the company. Of course, there was only one real choice:
“I’m not going in there,” I said apologetically.
“Why not? We’ll be quick.”
“No really—I’ll pass. It’s not something I do. But I would be happy to drop you off and swing back and pick you up later. It’s not a problem!”
Jim sat there looking at me, stone-faced. “Are you for real?” he asked. I was smart enough to let it pass as a rhetorical question. We sat there for a few minutes with the engine running.
He eventually caved, but he wasn’t happy about it. “Forget it. We’ll just go work.”
I offered a second time to come back and get him later, which he tersely rejected. I put the car in gear and drove out onto the road. It was uncomfortably quiet.
From that moment on, I knew the C.O.O. hated me, and he made no effort to hide it. Up until that point, I had been the “Golden Boy” of the company, but after the stand-off at the strip club, meetings with Jim became icy. His criticism of my work grew more frequent and sharp. And I couldn’t do anything about it.
Every morning I would put my key in the front door of the store and wonder if it was going to turn. I would punch in the alarm code and wonder if sirens would sound. I would spin the dial of the safe and wonder if the combination was the same. It was one of the most stressful periods of my life. We were a young family and were just scraping by, and now I was living with the fear of potential unemployment at any moment.
I felt powerless and scared. I needed an escape plan.
I continued to go to work every day and do my very best to fulfill my responsibilities, but Chrissie and I had already made the decision: It was time to start my own business. I began getting up before 5:00 am to work on east coast projects, then stayed up late into the night working on other aspects of my fledgling company.
After many months of burning the candle at both ends, the business was built to a point where I could take the leap. Chrissie was fully supportive, or I never would have tried what came next. We both felt a confirmation that it was the right thing to do. With a deep, shaky breath, I went into the personnel office and resigned. The company was stunned, and not at all happy with me, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
Thomas S. Monson taught, “It has been said that the door of history turns on small hinges, and so do people’s lives. The choices we make determine our destiny.” (link) He was definitely right!
The quick decision I made in the strip-club parking lot eventually resulted in the fulfillment of something Elder Henry B. Eyring taught: “From what might appear to you to be small choices, the Lord will lead you to the happiness you want. Through your choices He will be able to bless countless others.” (link)
When I look back at that experience through the rearview mirror and think about how it impacted my family, I feel greatly blessed. That small decision, borne out of a basic commitment to choose the right, has “led us to the happiness” we wanted.
At times, the dream of entrepreneurship morphed into a nightmare. I am painfully aware of how other people have contributed to our survival, including friends and family, with support both emotional and financial, divine intervention at crucial moments, and scores of wonderful people who have worked for me through the years, and still do.
The most important benefit that I see from my 36 years of self-employment is not the money. It is the freedom. There were times when there was no money, and I would lie awake at night wondering how I could keep from missing payments or payroll. But I never had to worry about missing the most important things because of work.
That freedom is what made my current life possible. My freedom gave me opportunities that I thought I would never have. I have been blessed to write, to travel, to serve, and to spend time with those I love most. How would it have been different if I stayed in retail? I have no idea. I only know my reality.
Please don’t misconstrue this as bragging. It is full-blown gratitude coupled with the perspective that comes from a lot of years.
The “small choice” that I made—sitting scared at the wheel of a rental car at a strip club parking lot in San Diego—turned out to be one of the most pivotal moments in my life.
I may not have been aware of its importance at the time, but now, with the benefit of almost 45 years of hindsight, it becomes very, very clear. It is very, very humbling.
While my “Potiphar’s wife” was a guy named Jim, caving to his pressure would have given me a different life. Instead, standing strong changed the course of my life for the better, and I like the course my life has taken.
I’m glad I got that one right.
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I had a very similar expereince…great insight today. Thanks!
When my husband used to travel for work he became the de facto designated driver for his colleagues that liked to drink. He hated it. I hated it for him. Then we came up with an idea. Most places he would travel to had a temple. He would plan an evening temple trips and thus get out of the evening drinking. It saved his sanity.