The Importance of the Grandparent Zone

Note: This is not just for grandparents, but also for those who have kids who have grandparents.

On the 4th of July, Chrissie and I had what we consider a worthwhile grandparent flex. We started the day at my daughter’s home in Monticello, Utah, after spending the week there. (I’ll address the Babylon fire after the post.)

Saturday morning, we got up, dressed in our patriotic gear, and headed to Blanding for a terrific 4th of July parade. We witnessed our grandkids scrambling for candy, and got teary with our hands on our hearts as the flag passed by. After lunch at the park, we said our goodbyes, hopped in our car and drove back to Arizona. Thanks to a beneficial time-zone change, we were able to get home in time to have a pool party and eat hot dogs with another batch of grandkinds from my son’s family.

We went to bed exhausted, but happy. We felt that it had been a successful and important day. Why important? Because we take this grandparenting gig seriously. And it’s way more important than you may think.

I’ve read some interesting studies about how spending time with their grandparents can benefit kids.

Here are some of the findings:

Grandparents often have the opportunity to share their knowledge, wisdom, and family traditions with their grandchildren. Such early experiences strengthen a grandchild’s self-esteem and reinforce beliefs, norms, and values while creating opportunities to explore identity in the context of one’s family. (link)

Recent research suggests that grandparent involvement during childhood… is positively linked to emotional development, cognitive functioning, and social adjustment in early adulthood. (link)

Children who have strong ties with involved, caring grandparents develop higher self-esteem, better emotional stability, stronger social skills (including an ability to withstand peer pressure), and enhanced academic performance. (link)

Kids who have a close relationship with their grandparents tend to show more prosocial behaviors and see their grandparents as important role models in their lives. (link)

These results echo previous research in which gratitude, respect, and appreciation were found to be significant factors in the well-being of young adults. This finding holds across all types of grandparents. In the face of challenging family dynamics, these participants cited lessons learned from their grandparents as significant building blocks in their current perspectives on life. (link)

And it isn’t just young grandchildren who benefit: Grandparents contribute to better mental health and emotional well-being outcomes in young adult grandchildren. Greater affinity towards a grandparent is associated with lower depressive symptoms in young adult grandchildren. (link)

In a nutshell, when grandparents have a relationship with their grandkids, it can help build children (and young adults) with better mental health, higher self-esteem, higher cognition, and less anxiety and depression.

It tracks. We all do better when we are surrounded by people who love us unconditionally. More is better. Having someone beyond your parents who loves and supports you builds an extra layer of security.

Wow! When I was young, two of my grandparents had already passed, and the other two were seldom in my life. I never enjoyed the kind of granparent/grandchild relationships that I am experiencing at this stage of my life. I absolutely love it, and wish I had that experience.

Now, this works in the other direction as well. But that will need to be another post. (But here’s a taste: Being an involved grandparent is good for your health, cognition, happiness, and life fulfillment.)

This has all been secular stuff, but there is some terrific support for these ideas from church resorces as well.

“With the ancient is wisdom; and in length of days understanding” (Job 12:12). (That makes me grin.)

Elder M. Russell Ballard spoke of the important role of grandparents. “You can leave heirlooms,” he said, “but the most precious things you can leave are memories. When you are gone, you won’t be gone in their lives — they will remember you. Grandparents, you are memory makers.” (link)

“With longer life expectancies, many adults today spend more years being grandparents than ever before. Grandchildren often enjoy a special relationship with their grandparents and look to them for stability, especially in a changing world. Whether grandparents live close or far away, there are many ways they can build a caring and loving relationship with grandchildren.

Grandparents can:

• Be an anchor in a world of shifting values.
• Nurture a sense of trust, responsibility, and dependability.
• Provide emotional support.
• Give grandchildren an appreciation of the past and a sense of history.
• Be a powerful ally in helping children establish a value system.
• Maintain a close relationship even when older children begin seeking independence.
• Provide stability and love during difficult times. (link)

Chrissie and I are incredibly blessed. Our grandkids bring us so much joy. I love being a grampa. Whether they call me Grampa, Pops, or Papi, I’m here for it. It is a different kind of love, one that I always underestimated until I found myself in it, 9 kids deep. Are we perfect grandparents? Hardly. Are we invested? Definitely.

In a world where family members are going “no contact” or dissociating more frequently, it should be considered that in some cases the proverbial baby is being thrown out with the bathwater.

If making the effort to be a good grandfather can help my precious grandkids be more emotionally healthy, smarter, and ready to take on this crazy world, count me in.

Note about the fire: My daughter Emily lives with her family in Monticello. For the past two weeks, the ferocious Babylon fire has been bearing down on that lovely little town. It is hard. It is scary. She brought her kids down to Arizona to get away.

The amazing men and women working to control that fire have been spectacular, and any prayers offered on their behalf and for the city of Monticello would be greatly appreciated.