Hualien, Taiwan. 1977
My mother lived with a packed suitcase––she was always prepared to leave whenever Dad beat her. But then she was always ready to come back.
One night after Mom had been gone for days, Dad put me and my younger sister Wen on his 125 c.c. motorcycle and rode off to buy dinner from street venders in the night market. Dad let us order our favorites: beef chow mien, shrimp wanton soup, and sweet rice cakes. But they never tasted the same without Mom with us at the curbside table.
Dad had a group of beloved drinking buddies who often met after work. That night after dinner, Dad took Wen and me to one of those men’s house for their drinking party. Wen and I were introduced to other children who were also brought there by their dads. Immediately Wen joined them for a game of hide-and-go-seek. I, on the other hand, decided to explore that neighborhood.
As soon as I walked out of the front door, I caught a glimpse of lightning in the distant night sky. To a four-year-old girl, it was an exciting sight. I stood there waiting for more lightning strikes, and I wasn’t disappointed.
I’d never been taught anything about God before. I didn’t know anything about prayers, either. The only knowledge I had about God was passed down from generations before me, that He strikes people dead if they waste food.
During the lightning intervals, I started to wonder if somebody was up in the sky playing with a light switch, turning it on and off. I couldn’t resist but looking up and asking out loud, ”Is somebody up there?”
There was lightning!
There was an electrified sensation that ran over my entire being within a split second, and for some reason I was sure that was an answer from above.
“Are you God?” I asked again.
Lightning!
Unbelievable! I was having a conversation with God! I was so excited I wanted to ask Him all the questions I had.
“Do you know my name?”
Lightning!
“Can you see me?”
Lightning!
“Do you strike people dead if they waste food?” (I had to know.)
Silence!
There was no lightning to this question! Was that a “no”?
“Do you have three heads and six arms? (Because that’s what statues of gods looked like in the Buddhist temples.)
Silence!
The Question and Answer session went on for few more seconds, then finally I just had to ask Him this one. I had to because it was very important to me. ”God…is my mom coming back?”
I saw was the brightest and the most majestic lightning in all human history, spreading all across the dark sky. That image was embedded in my mind. My heart raced. My soul was lifted. I was comforted. Through misty eyes I witnessed divine powers. I knew that if God said my mom would come back, then she would.
When my tears dried up, and the sun rose up, my mom showed up…
Hualien, Taiwan. 1986
On December 4,1986, two young missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints knocked on my father’s door. Even though Dad wasn’t interested in religion, he let them in.
They missionaries visited us twice a week. I quickly noticed the differences they made. When the Elders were in our house, Mom and Dad would actually sit in the same room without getting into a fight, and nobody was physically hurt. The atmosphere in the house was also different––it was amicable, peaceful, cheerful, and hopeful. The message the Elders shared touched my heart deeply. When they taught me that I was a daughter of God, I immediately remembered the “conversation” I had with the lightning.
“God is your Father in Heaven. He hears and answers your prayers,” the missionaries said. I had no doubt what they’d said was true. Year after the lightning experience, I finally learned to pray to God the right way! I’d never felt so happy in my life. My desire to learn more about the Restored Gospel grew stronger every day.
Back in 1986, the missionaries didn’t have Church videos or DVD’s to share Gospel messages with investigators. They used a hand-held projector, boxes of slides, and a tape recorder to create still-image films, dubbed with a corresponding recorded narration.
One night, the Elders set up all the equipment in our living room and turned one of the walls into a big movie screen. One elder placed the projector on his lap for easy operation, while the other moved the slides to change scenes according to the narration. Everything worked perfectly during the first few minutes, but the images on the wall gradually move upward. I had to tilt my head backward to watch the movie. The last scene ended on the ceiling. When the lights were turned back on, it was no surprise to find the elder in charge of the projector sound at sleep.
That was the night I learned about Joseph Smith’s First Vision. I was once again reminded of my own lightning experience and knew that when people had questions for God, they went ask Him. I believed that Joseph Smith did see God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ, and through him the fullness of the Gospel was restored on earth.
During their last visit, the missionaries gave my family a copy of the Book of Mormon with the address and phone number to the church on the inside cover. “If you need help, come find us at this address. We’re your friends. We’ll find help for you.” They seemed to sense something I didn’t at the time.
Marital problems between my parents continue to deteriorate. They eventually divorced in 1987. Mom picked up her suitcase for one last time and left. Dad remarried within months. The stepmother wouldn’t allow the missionaries to visit us anymore.
The stepmother must’ve graduated from the ultimate abuse academy or something of that sort. First she had Dad wrapped around her fingers so that he became just a puppet parent. Day after day, year after year, she starved Wen and me and abused us mentally and emotionally. I dreaded going home after school. I wandered on the street until dark.
One October night in 1988, the stepmother must’ve had a bad day. She commanded Dad to beat me, and he obediently complied! In total fear, panic, and anger, I dashed out of the door. I raced to a rice field at the corner of our alley and hid there like a fugitive. It was cold and wet in there, I shivered uncontrollably. My teardrops dripped in the flood of the rice paddy, making rings of ripples. My shivering body made the ripples shook violently into a distorted wave. It reminded of my life––as I looked back, I realized I’d never been happy. I couldn’t find any reason to live anymore. I sobbed and looked up to the same dark sky for lightning. But there was none.
I pleaded, ”Oh God…help me, please… I can’t take this anymore…”
Suddenly, in my despair the thought of the Book of Mormon came to mind. I remembered the missionaries once said that I could go find them at the church if I needed help. Just as soon as I realized there was hope, my heart was comforted. I told myself, “First thing in the morning, I am going to find the missionaries!”
The next day happened to be a Sunday. Early in the morning, I rode my bike across town and followed the address to the church. When I got to the address, I didn’t see a cross on the building. Not sure if it was the right place, I approached a young lady by the entrance, asking to see the Elders. To my disappointment, I was told that they’d both returned home to America!
Oh how my heart ached! Mom was gone, and now my only friends were gone too…I felt that all the doors and windows in the world were closed on me.
After learning all of my troubles, the young lady smiled and said, “It’s ok. My companion and I are your new friends now.” When I heard that familiar word “companion,” I knew what it meant. I’d only heard this word spoken by two people in my life, and that was the missionaries. Out of instinct, I frantically searched for the black name tag on her clothing. Sure enough, under her coat on the blouse was that missionary name tag!
Hualien, Taiwan. October, 1988
I started to retake the missionary discussions from the sister missionaries. A month later on October 20, 1988, I was baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Six years later, when I turned 21, I decided to serve a full-time mission. For that very decision, Dad disowned me, but that’s another story for another time.
Because of my choice to accept the teachings of the Restored Gospel, my life has been dramatically transformed. I’ve been blessed with a happy family of my own: I’m sealed to a worthy priesthood holder for time and all eternities, and we’re raising our three sons in righteousness. It’s not very often I see lightning in the sky, but it speaks peace to me knowing I can always talk with my Heavenly Father anytime, anywhere, and He’s always there to listen and answer.
~ Allison Ji-Jen Merrill ~
http://www.middleagedmormonman.com/home/ LDS commentary satire humor mormon humorist religion
Absolutely love it!!! Beautiful conversion story and I love seeing your happy family. So glad I found your blog last week, I’ve really enjoyed following, you are an amazing woman!
Thank you so much, Whitney! I’ve enjoyed reading your blog,too. I love your positive energy. I feel honored to have you as a friend. 🙂
Wow, what an amazing story! Thanks so much for sharing it. I read it to my husband, who is from mainland China, and he said it made him hungry. (We both really miss the night markets)
Thank you so much, Mary, for reading. I do miss the night markets a lot. Do you and your husband get to go back to China often? What part of China is he from? 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story. I am inspired by your strength and great faith. I am glad you were able to recognize Heavenly Father answering you at even the young age of 4. I am glad you survived the abusive home and that you are free from the abuse now and raising your own beautiful family in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. What lucky little boys to have such a faithful mother who KNOWS.
-Lisa
Thank you so much, Lisa. I am eternally indebted to Heavenly Father for all that He has done to guide me out of a bad situation. I don’t know what my life would be like if He had not extended His mercy to me. The love I feel in the Gospel and among Church members is overwhelming. I’m humbled to meet good people like you. *hug*
I LOVED your story!!! Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for reading, Brandy. *hugs*
All I can say is “thank you” for sharing your story! I can’t imagine the life you lived, but I’m glad you found the Gospel and broke that cycle. Hooray for missionaries! (I have a missionary out right now.)
Thank you so much for supporting your missionary! Your sacrifices will be greatly rewarded. May the Lord bless you and your family for all that you do. *hugs*
Allison, your story has touched me deeply. And to end the post seeing your beautiful family with their bright smiling faces just adds to the joy. I would love to hear the rest of the story.
Dear Chocolate on my Cranium,
I’m writing my memoir and am actively seeking its publication through national publishing houses. I’ll keep you posted with the progress of my memoir. *hugs*
There really aren’t words to describe how much your story touched me. I hope that there is a way you can tell it in more detail some day. I would love to know how you met your husband and what happened to your mom and sister. Thank you for sharing your beautiful testimony!
Dear Laura,
I’m writing my memoir and am actively seeking its publication through national publishing houses. I’ll keep you posted with the progress of my memoir. Or if you don’t mind my horrible writing, would you be interested in being my beta reader? *wink*
Sure, that would be fun. You write very well. I can’t even speak a second language well, let alone write in it. Do keep me posted.
Thank you, Laura. English has never been easy for me, but I try. I will definitely keep you posted. 🙂 Love you!
Allison, I have always loved the lightning, even if it has never been a means for Heaven to speak to me. I love how He finds a way to speak to us with words or metapors that are so intimate and perfect. I’m glad you got to tell your story. I’m glad that I got to read it. Thank you.
Oh thank you so much, Lynn! I remember immediately after the “conversation” with the lightning, I was so excited I wanted to tell everyone. But then I worried people would laugh at me, calling me a dumb kid as they always have. I thought the lightning conversation was probably the best way at the time for God to communicate with a four-year-old. He is mindful of us all, isn’t He?
Wow, I agree there just are not words to express how I feel about your story. Thank you so much for sharing. I read it aloud to my 8 year old twin boys and sobbed through most of it. {Hugs}
Thank you so much, Charlotte. I have a heart-warming image of a faithful mother teaching her precious children the light and truth. You’re my example, Charlotte, my sister! Thank you! God bless!
Um, I have no words to express the love I have for you. All those years He was watching over you and he led you back to Him. I love the gospel of Jesus Christ and I’m so happy you have joy in your life.
Thank you so much, Elder Sam Butler. Thank you for serving the Lord Jesus Christ. The sacrifices you make and your dedicated service will be greatly rewarded by the most choice blessings. May the Lord watch you, keep you and direct you always. *hugs*
Hugs to Allison! I am glad that you have found the Gospel, happiness and peace.
Thank you so much, Barbara. *hugs*
Fantastic story. Beautiful family. After all these years of not liking lightning I now have a reason to appreciate it. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much, Velva. *hugs*
Thank you so much for allowing me to share my story with everyone, MMM. I’ve been trying for years to tell my story to the LDS audience through publishing houses and my efforts yielded no fruit. Thank you for providing me the channel to share it. I love the Gospel. I love my Savior and His atonement. I’m eternally indebted to Heavenly Father for all that He has blessed me in life, including meeting you and other faithful LDS’s and learning from your examples. Thank you! God bless!
Thank you! You lived it, and shared it. I just have a silly little blog to post it! It was an honor for me.
Awww…you’re my new best friend, MMM! (Is the friendship moving too fast for you? Hee hee)
Awesome. Do I get a certificate? Or are you going with the tattoo?
Thank you so much for sharing your story. You’re a very talented writer.
Hmmm…certificate or tattoo? Certificate or tattoo? You might need to send me a headshot of yours to complete the tattoo. It’d be silly not to know what my new best friend looks like, eh? *wink*
Thank you so much for reading, Amanda! You’re so sweet! 🙂